I keep promising to do a new post that isn’t about me, so here it is, finally, and I’m talking about American Idol again.
Why? Because I’m kinda fascinated by the process. Not the artists, really (though I’ll come back to that in a second) but how people get voted off. For the first time, I really get how people can keep going to horse races with a “system” that they think will win.
(Full disclosure. I started writing this last week, and then I got asked to put up something else to help my friend help me sell some books. So let’s see how I did, shall we?)
But let’s talk about how is gone now, and I’ll get into that.
Pia: People were “shocked” when she was dropped, but you know what? I can see it. She has a great voice. A GREAT voice. And she’s easy to look at. But she does one thing, which is standing in place and singing. If she moves, she looks uncomfortable.
So while I had her in the top three, after seeing her get up on stage and actually trying to move, while wearing an outfit that made it look like she skinned a Dalmatian, to see her go was not a shock.
And really, it played into my new theory: Getting into the bottom three is really, really good for you. Usually.
But back to that in a second.
Paul: Here’s where my theory comes into play.
If you hit the bottom three, it’s obviously because, as they keep saying, “You just don’t have the votes.” But then a funny thing happens. You start to get those votes, because people panic and vote singers up as hard as they can to keep them around another week.
Then they do okay, and fans forget… and then you get cut.
That’s what I think happened to both Pia and Paul, in a way. People forget you for a week, they vote up someone else on the bottom three, and BOOM. Gone.
Ironically, this leads me to:
Stefano: That kid’s been hanging out in the bottom three despite the fact that his performances are mostly just okay. Why? Because his fans NEVER FORGET HE’S THERE.
This can only last so long, of course, and I give the dude credit. He’s using his time on Idol to learn how to be a performer, and he seems to be improving every week.
With that said, he may actually sit for one more week, without heading out. Which leads me to…
(Keep in mind, I wrote this last week Wednesday. And now, Stefano is gone. It’s clear he saw it coming for a while, the look of shock when Pia got the axe gave him away. But he seems really happy to be done. He clearly learned something in his time on the show, the tour is coming up soon, and after that? Well, it’s Bar Mitzvahs and local county fairs.)
Hailey: Eh. I’m bored with her now. I mean, I was bored with her before, and I’m sick of her growl, and she dresses like she’s twelve years old and got into her mommy’s makeup. Somewhere in her psychology she seems to realize she’ll always be perky and cute instead of sultry, and she’s making up for it by wearing outfits that barely cover her lady business.
I suspect, however, that being in the bottom three last week will keep her safe this week.
That means we need a “surprise” cut.
And you know what? I’m going to go with:
Jacob: Jacob appears to have issues. Or at the very least, reporters have enjoyed digging up dirt on the kid. And as a bonus, he sort of turned against the audience and said if they bottom-three-ed him over his song choice, it was because the audience… couldn’t look themselves in the mirror.
Either way, it made me feel a bit skeevy.
(Final “I wrote this last week” note goes here. He and Hailey were both bottom three. Had to happen, no shocks there. He and little H will be the next two to go. There’s no question in my mind.)
The fact is, Jacob has a great voice, and he knows how to use it. But he made the people who vote for him mad, while Scotty gave a shout-out to his grandma. Earlier, I wrote that he’d be top two.
But his little outburst, unfortunately, has done its damage. Sorry, dude. Get working on your gospel album now, and plan on putting out a Christmas record at the end of the year. You’ll be fine. Dove awards for you, sir.
Now comes the hard part – what’s the order after that?
I’ll admit, I’m gonna revise my initial rankings just a hair. But JUST a hair.
Casey – I thought Casey would fall a little earlier, but the sudden removal of Pia will bump him up the number four. He might go one higher, but the three after him have NEVER appeared in the bottom three, and Casey almost got dropped.
I love Casey. I will see him in concert. I will buy his CD, and it will be awesome and somewhat insane. But America doesn’t care about talent. It cares about nice boys and girls singing pretty songs.
Scotty – Scotty and Lauren may swap places as well, but they’re basically the same performer. Young, adorable as a puppy, singing country tunes. If I owned a country label, I’d pick them both up NOW, put out both their CDs in the next six months, and put them on tour together. But I don’t.
Lauren – Why put Lauren here? Eh. She hasn’t done anything wrong, cute as a puppy, etc. I said earlier I thought she’d be gone sooner, but when Hailey’s gone, the “I like girls” votes will fall to her.
I gotta admit, she has a good voice, but nothing she’s done has really stuck with me. On the other hand, bland girl country singers make a lot of money. So maybe the world is looking for the next Taylor Swift?
James – He’ll take this. And he deserves to take it. He’s got an amazing voice, he can sing anything, and every week he puts on a nearly-complete show. I’m amazed the Idol people have yet to tell him no.
And that’s really all I’ve got to say about this. At least, I hope so…