American Idol: Season 14 Arrives

I’ve told the story before, but I only started watching American Idol when of my wife’s co-workers tried to get on the show.

 

The irony was, he made it to the judges… but didn’t appear on TV. 

 

Mostly, at the time, this led me to two comments – 1) why show all those terrible auditions and NOT show his?  Isn’t that cruel?  2) So, are we done?

 

My wife stated that, no, now she was curious to see how it played out, and I spent most of the season stating that, essentially, I liked a lot of the performers, but I was never going to be their record.

 

This has proved to be mostly true.  Over the course of the last few seasons, I’ve bought both of Phillip Phillips releases, the second of which I should review here at some point, and a Kelly Clarkson Best Of that mostly taught me that even over the course of a bunch of records, she only released maybe four songs I actually want to hear more than once or twice.

 

I mean, nothing against her.  She seems nice.  But, I’m just not digging her scene.

 

(Oh, and here’s the capsule review of Phillips’ second record – it’s more consistent than his first, and the better record overall.  But there were exactly zero THIS IS A HIT songs on it, and I’m not surprised it vanished from the charts pretty quickly.)

 

At any rate, we’re three years away from Phillip x2 now, and the last two Idol records tanked.  People who lost the competition in the past came out and sold two and three and four times as many records as the actual winners of the last two years.

 

Oddly, Randy Jackson, who gave worthless advice and platitudes every year I watched him, correctly nailed the issue with those two records – it’s ALL about the songs.

 

With that in mind, I find myself watching the current season and thinking what I’ve BEEN thinking the last few years:

 

My favorites will eventually be swept away.

 

The person with the best voice will probably win.

 

And then make a record I don’t care about at all.  Even the tiniest bit.

 

I mean, let’s talk about last year for a second, wherein Alex made it almost all the way to the top.  And then got knocked out, which is fine.  I get that.

 

BUT.

 

Idol didn’t release most of his performances.  And there were some very good ones that didn’t come out, and could have at least made for a fun collection.

 

And over a year later, he hasn’t released his own record.

 

And I ask: What is stopping him?

 

He’s got a lot of Idol money sitting around.  And he’s got YouTube.  The man doesn’t need a label, and after the sales of the last few Idol winners, no label is coming for him.  He could have a record out now.  Nothing is preventing it.

 

Instead, his web site is dead, and his YouTube channel has… a cover he released two months ago.

 

I think I’m more down on this year because I’ve come to realize that even if these guys can sing, it doesn’t mean anything for their career.  What they need are songs.  And those songs have to be something I actually want to buy.

 

They have made some wise choices for the competition.  A lot of the episodes this year were an hour instead of two, and I got SO much of my life back.

 

Plus I didn’t have to listen to the judges yapping.  That was GREAT.  They seem like they’re probably decent people, but when has anything any one of them has ever said actually made a singer better?  Or won them more votes?

 

So let’s crunch the show back down to an hour soon, shall we?

 

All that said, here’s how I suspect the show will shake out.  As always, my top five will be wildly wrong, but everything below that should come out within one or two steps.

 

Here we go, from bottom to top:

 

Quentin Alexander

 

The bad news is, I think Quentin might produce the most interesting record, if he ever got near a studio.  And he has a look, which means something.

 

The problem is, he just isn’t connecting with the audience in any way.   He might be able to fix that, but I don’t think he’s going to have enough time to make it happen.  He’s another guy who could really use a YouTube boost.

 

Adanna Duru

 

I’ll admit it, I think she’s got a great voice.  But she has pitch issues, which is death, and honestly something about the way she looks into the camera makes me uncomfortable.   No one else has mentioned it, so maybe it’s just me.

 

Daniel Seavey

 

This kid.  He’s super talented.  He is.  But he has no stage presence, and even though Tyanna is only about a year older than he is, he looks like he’s performing at a high school talent show and she owns the stage.

 

Rayvon Owen

 

This guy… I love his voice.  I do.  And he’s clearly worked a stage before.  Also: Check out his name on YouTube and pull up his song Sweatshirt, which is adorable.

 

He’s going to lose, because he’s just a wonderful old-school balladeer.  But I hope this gives him the push to get himself a full-time singing gig.

 

Maddie Walker

 

I admit it, I’m just not much of a country guy, and nothing she’s done blows me away.  I suspect the country contingent will pull for her (they put TWO country people at the top the year Scotty won, after all) but I don’t see her lasting forever.

 

Nick Fradiani

 

This guy.  I’m tired of people talking about how old he is already.  He gives good performance.  But I’m still waiting for him to just go out there and SLAY a song.  Instead, he’s onstage being the worlds most handsome street performer.

 

It’ll catch up to him, because there are other people who also do that, and DO kill their vocals.

 

Joey Cook

 

Too quirky to last, she’ll almost certainly drop out before this.  She’s Casey all over again, really.  But I’m enjoying her work, and even if she isn’t the one creating her arrangements, she’s been smart enough to be HERSELF so far, instead of doing something straight.

 

I applaud that.  And I’d totally think about buying her record…

 

Qaasim Middleton

 

What a nice kid.  Amazing dancer.  Great performer.  I am not yet convinced he can sing. 

 

Jax

 

Oy.  This could be troubling, actually, as up until now she did oddball little covers that emphasized a certain SOMETHING in her voice that clearly worked.

 

And then last night she sang and that tone was gone.

 

So does she fake the tone?  Or did she fake NOT having the tone?

 

Either way, she showed that she can, in fact, be boring and do karaoke way too early in the season.  So she could be a “surprise” elimination.

 

If it prevents her from doing more of what she did last night, I’d be fine with that.

 

Clark Beckham

 

This guy.  Remember when he auditioned, and he was good but kind of boring?  Who gave him performance lessons?  I can’t think of any time I was this shocked to watch someone come out and just nail his songs.

 

Tyanna Jones

 

She’s got winner written all over her.  She’s got the voice.  She’s got the moves.  At some point in this competition, she will whip out a gospel song and make a bunch of people cry.

 

Then she’ll release a record with no hit songs on a country label, and that will be the last we hear of her…

 

And so it goes.

American Idol - Who Takes 2014?

I thought I’d said all I had to say about Idol for the year, but much to my surprise, a few friends have asked me what I think about contestants this year.

 

Actually, they asked me a few weeks ago, but I’ve been busy.

 

Suffice to say, not going much into details, people have been dropping out about where I thought they deserved to drop out, which is not a surprise.  So I guess I saved myself some typing there.

 

Every year I watch the show, that’s what happens.  Inevitably, what occurs is that the audience learns a few things shooting out of that opening week.  Some people just aren’t prepared to sing with band behind them. Some people aren’t ready to sing for THAT many people.  They might be excited to see you, but unlike back home you can’t back the room with family and friends who are going to declare every second you are on the stage as the greatest thing they’ve ever seen.

 

It’s a singing competition, yes, but it’s also a fashion competition, a swagger competition, and a personality competition. 

 

And every year, there’s a weird thing that happens where someone who should be knocked out early just hangs on, and on, and on, and on…

 

But I guess we’ll come to that.

 

And I think I mention this every year, and I’ll mention it again: Going to the bottom three isn’t always a bad thing, because it forces people into a protection mode.  They vote you up because they don’t want you to go.

 

Otherwise they get a little lazy and then you get the so-called “shocking” eliminations.

 

Which, eh.  It’s a game.  SOMEONE has to lose.

 

So here’s where I think things are going to shake out, with my usual caveats: I don’t think America votes the way I want them to vote.  I think someone I don’t really care for always clings to life.  And ultimately, even if I like the winners, I rarely buy, or even want to hear, their record.

 

(For the (ahem) record I have so far bought two idol winner recordings: Phillip Phillips’ first record, which had a few really catchy songs on it, and the best of Kelly Clarkson which, I learned, still had a lot of stuff on it I just flat-out didn’t care about.)

 

One final note: I think these things are kind of fluid, and people will usually go out within one or two slots of where I think they’ll go out.  Until I get to the end, we get “shocking” results, and inevitably one of the people I think will drop out in the middle comes in as a big winner.

 

Sam:

 

The saving of Sam will probably go down in history as the biggest waste of save of all time, assuming the show runs past this year.

 

I like Sam.  He seems like a good guy, and he has a lovely voice.  And what I don’t really get is how he’s had such an emotion-filled life (as least from what we’ve seen, where he’s living with her grandparents, I’m sure there’s a story there…) and yet he can’t connect those emotions to any of his song choices.

 

The thing of it is, last week they only gave us a bottom two, which tells me that Sam is still down there, and not long for this competition.

 

My running theory is that they saved him simply because the save choices were running out, and if things shook out badly, they would be forced to use it (or look cruel if they didn’t) when CJ came up for saving.

 

And speaking of…

 

CJ:

 

Man, does CJ seem like a great human being.  I mean that.  Unlike Sam, his difficulties in life seem to be right out in the open, and they show up in every scratch in his voice.

 

And man, that voice, it’s filled with… with just everything.  I suspect he could spend his weeks singing about how much he loves bacon, and people would figure that bacon done broke his heart.

 

(He always sounds as if he just came out of a fistfight where he won, but just got hit in the throat.  I say this as a compliment.)

 

But he’s always, always, always out of tune, to the point where I frequently sense he’s forgotten the song he’s singing and is starting to panic.

 

The fact is, the guy just doesn’t have the ability to sing, and stay, on key.  And that’s not a terrible thing.  But there are better singers here, and CJ should have been gone a long time ago.

 

Dexter:

 

I’m keeping Dexter low here, but I’m going to be honest: I think he could take this competition. 

 

The judges harp on him, hard, for sounding like every other singer on country radio.  Well guys, guess what?  If he wins this thing, he’s going to be just another dude on country radio, singing about his dog and house and how much he loves his tractor.

 

If you can take a guy, stick him in a studio, and create a record that makes him sound like everyone else, well, the problem isn’t his voice.  It’s the songs they stick him with.  So hand him a few songs that should be hits and watch him fly.

 

But to recap – he’ll either go out here or take the whole thing.  And either way, I shrug.

 

Jessica:

 

If Stevie Nicks were to retire tomorrow, Fleetwood Mac should take Jessica on the road and pretend she’s 70s-era Stevie.  The sound is just uncanny.

 

I even think Jessica is a decent songwriter, based on her one original I’ve heard a couple of times now. 

 

What she’s not good with, however, is killing me.  She’s not good with a band.  Or they aren’t good with her, I dunno.  But every week, it seems like they find a way to be out of step with each other.  I think all those years as a solo act have just killed her for working with a band, and for whatever reason she just can’t get into that groove.

 

When she comes out, plants her feet, and plays the guitar, there’s wonderful stuff here.  But working with other people is just killing her, and I don’t think she can fix it.

 

It was really apparent when she sang her original song, and the arrangement was boring as drying paint.  Harry remarked that he thought Jessica forgot to sing a line, but no.  What was needed was a little solo instrument – pedal steel, a violin, something to fill that gap – but Jessica doesn’t know how to do that, and the band isn’t helping her.

 

It will be her death in this competition.

 

I really want a copy of her solo record, however.  Just can’t figure out how to get my hands on it…

 

Alex:

 

You know what?

 

I want Alex to win.  Badly.

 

It’s clear he knows how to write.  He knows how to arrange.  He can step on the stage and give a performance.

 

And while Harry, who is usually pretty smart about these things, complains that Alex never gets out of his coffeehouse vibe, well, he just did a few weeks ago with his One Direction song. 

 

Alex is ready to make a record, and in the event that he loses, I’ll probably do something I’ve never done before and start downloading his weekly iTunes songs.

 

Man, I hope he wins.

 

Jena:

 

Truthfully, I love Jena, and I think it’s for all the right reasons.  She’s got a great voice.  She’s got a great rock/opera sound that, at its best, can really work for her.

 

I think what might ultimately take her out is song choice.  She kind of fluffed I Love Rock and Roll this last week, and I could see her blowing a couple more choices and dropping out of there.

 

I’ve gotta say, though, I’d love to see her meld the rock/electronic thing, like Harry was talking about.  I could see her doing some real damage with Jane Child-type stuff.

 

And man, I’ve gotta hail her.  The judges’ bottom-three picks to keep the competition alive for nine more hours a year have always been filler before.  People who are mostly there to desperately cling to life and get themselves into the top then. They aren’t there to win.

 

Jena is going to come closer than anyone I’ve ever seen.  She might even be able to take it all, if she pushes hard enough and doesn’t drop anymore song choice balls.

 

Caleb:

 

This guy.  This guy’s voice…

 

I remember him just blowing it a couple of years back, and since he’s returned I keep waiting for the moment he just blows it again.

 

But I think screwing it up that first time has changed his life, and he’s changed it for the better.

 

All of his performances are first rate.  There are no missed notes, no missed cues, and he’s taking the joy of having a band behind him all the way.  He seems to know it may never be this good again for him.

 

That’s infectious, I must admit.

 

But having heard his song choices, I’ve gotta admit I have no interest in his record.

 

I wish the man no ill will, and if I’m honest with myself, he deserves to win.  He’s got the best voice in the competition, and he seems to want it more than anyone else.

 

But I wish him luck when it comes time to sell albums…

American Idol: The List

A while back, I wrote a blog post about how to win your American Idol office pool.  Ultimately, however, what I’ve learned is that I do a semi-decent job figuring out who is going to be cut in the early rounds, and then, at least over the last two years, one of my middle-of-the-pack people eventually ends up winning.  (Thought the top of my list is otherwise fairly accurate.)

 

Of course, the last two years went to White Guys With Guitars, as has been so frequently noted everywhere that covers Idol.  In fact, the last FIVE winners were WGWG.

 

I put forth a theory a couple of weeks ago that perhaps they were trying to kill Idol by putting through the bizarre over the truly talented.  Elsewhere, I’ve read that it was more likely that the judges were deliberately cutting all the WGWG this year, just to give the girls a shot at winning.

 

Oddly, Billboard recently released an article that showed the top 100 Idol-created hits from the last eleven years.  And that kind of tipped Idol’s hand.  They have a lot more male winners than female winners.  But the females (particularly Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson) have had more and bigger hit singles.

 

I’m guessing between the two women, they’ve probably sold more records than all the rest of the Idols combined.

 

So maybe they just realize that female winners can do more for them in the long run. 

 

I was pretty impressed with myself this year, actually.  I correctly called eight of the top ten, with a hand wave at the last two because I knew in my heart that they were, essentially, cannon fodder.

 

When it comes down to it, there are four really great female singers.  And two great males, with one approaching near-greatness.

 

So here are my thoughts, in the order I think they’ll get dropped:

 

Paul Jolley:

 

I fear that Paul will probably be my Hollie this year – the one who just clings and clings even as he continues to give weak performances.  The fact that I think he looks like Wil Wheaton probably doesn’t help my perception of him.

 

If there was a genuine surprise for me this week, it’s that he got through, especially after the judges had to debate keeping him around in the first place.  That said, he’s also the sole “cute-boy-white-male” among the guys, and everyone seems to think that carries some weight.

 

Still, none of his performances have really done anything for me, and if they didn’t need a top five guys, and could have dropped him for a girl… I bet they would have.

 

Or maybe everyone just really wants a male Taylor Swift, which is what he said he wanted to be. 

 

Janelle Arthur

 

It’s probably not fair to her that I think of Janelle as “the other country girl.”  Frankly, Kree is a better singer by a country (sorry) mile. 

 

She seems sweet, so there’s that.  But mostly she’s boring and on-key.  No shame there, but she was the other, “Well, someone had to round out the top five…”

 

Lazaro Arbos

 

Man, I hate to say it, but Lazaro isn’t gonna stick around long.  The fact is, he’s a good but not great singer who sometimes misses notes and chooses wrong keys for his voice.

 

Above this line, everyone hits all the notes.  Perfection must be attained.  And so it goes.

 

Angie Miller

 

I’ve come to think of Angie as “the girl at the piano,” and I suspect that, like Colton before her, she will eventually make the mistake of trying to come out from behind it.

 

Even this week, even as she sang her victory song, she was out there singing, looking awkward, and generally giving a good vocal instead of a great one.

 

I don’t think that’s enough. 

 

Burnell Taylor:

 

This one hurts to admit, because I really dig Burnell and I think he could have an amazing career in musical theater.  The man can plant himself on the floor and flat-out CONNECT to a song emotionally.  And then he can take that song and pump it into your veins. 

 

But is he capable of more?  That remains to be seen.  But I think that’s his wheelhouse, and when they start throwing challenges at people he’s going to fumble sooner or later.  So it is here that I lay him.

 

Curtis Finch Junior

 

Curtis is Joshua and Jacob again.  Joshua got to the top three, and Jacob crashed, I think, because he got a little big for his britches. 

 

Curtis’ biggest problem is that for all the power in his voice, he’s a bit robotic, and I suspect that his bag of vocal tricks is just about exhausted now. 

 

Still, great tricks, and unlike Jacob, this man never misses a note.

 

Candice Glover:

 

Okay, this year I freely admit that you could probably take my top four and shake ‘em up and get a different set of answers, but as I type this, I think I’m going to put Candice here.

 

Man, she’s a really great performer, and I don’t know that I can add anything to that.  What will finally get her, I suspect is that Amber and herself share the same wheelhouse, and Amber makes it look easy while Candice makes it look hard.

 

Amber Holcomb

 

Okay, I kind of want her to win because it’s clear she’s been groomed as the new Whitney Houston and I want to see her and Mariah duet on Believe. 

 

But we did this last year with Jessica Sanchez, who was a great singer with no life experience who could perform anything but not quite connect to it.

 

Of course, Jessica got dropped last year and had to be saved.  So maybe Amber will get the axe surprisingly early.  And I haven’t heard anything about a judge’s save this year.

 

Still, this lady makes every note look so, so, so simple, even when what she’s doing is kind of impossible for humans to do.

 

Devin Velez

 

Dude can sing.  Dude can connect.  Dude has one of those voices that can go anywhere and do anything, and he sounded just as great last night being funky as he did singing a Perry Como(?!) ballad.  In Spanish.

 

If a guy is going to take the contest this year, I can’t really see it being anyone but Devin. 

 

Kree Harrison:

 

Kree has one of those voices that just makes you shiver, and she has a range that probably rivals that of Mariah, the woman judging her.

 

She’s also hilarious, willing to kid with the judges, and went out of her way to talk about how good the band his.

 

The lady has music in her, and she knows exactly how to get it out of her.

 

My only fear for her is that she could pull a Pia.  Pia, however, never, ever moved, and we’ve at least seen Kree walk.  The question becomes whether or not she can also look good during terrible group numbers, and tackle the uptempo stuff that ultimately killed Pia in the competition.

 

The best news she could get is Janelle getting dropped early on.  Janelle’s votes would move to Kree and keep her afloat for a very long time.  All the way to number one?

 

It’s in American’s hands now.

 

Idol Starts Season 12

I debated holding off talking about American Idol until all of TV was back, so I could do another roundup.  But I had a few friends ask me my thoughts, so, here they are.

 

To recap:

 

I started watching the show two years back only because my wife’s coworker was on the show.  Or rather, the coworker auditioned, and got in front of the judges, then didn’t go to Hollywood and wasn’t good or bad enough to go on the air.

 

I was ready to be done by the end of that episode.  The person lost, so, I had no horse in the race.  But my wife insisted that we trudge on.  So trudge we did.

 

Interestingly, I pegged the actual winner as flaming out in the middle twice over the last two years.  I’m not sure if it says more about me or America.

 

Over the years, of course, there have been 11 winners, and a variety of also-rans who have gone on to a measure of fame and fortune.  Interestingly, just making it into that upper echelon seems to be enough to launch a career.  Which I guess is nice.  But I had no real interest in any of the winners or losers.  Even the most popular of them all, Kelly, only had a couple of singles that really interested me.

 

Buuuuuuuuut…

 

Along came Phillip.  Well, kind of.  Along came Phillip, and someone had the bright idea to stick a bunch of excerpts from his album online, and I listened to them and kind of dug it.  Plus I had a long road trip coming up and needed something to listen to.  So I bought it.

 

What to say?

 

Well, I guess we can start with the title: The World From The Side Of The Moon. That’s a mouthful, and I can never remember it.  Also mostly a blank are the song titles, with the exception of Home.

 

Having read a dozen critical takes on it before picking it up, I have to agree with the general assessment.  It sounds a lot like Dave Matthews, which isn’t a bad thing.  And aside from Home, there are a few song which are almost painfully catchy, and there’s no harm there, either.  In particular, I enjoy Gone, Gone, Gone, Get Up Get Down, and Where We Came From.  And the rest of the CD is inoffensive, though kind of forgettable.  Even now, I couldn’t sing any of the other tunes for you.

 

Oh.  And if you buy it at Target, he’s got a version of Thriller on there, which ain’t bad.  I kind of liked his live, one-man-and-a-guitar take from his audition more, but it’s got a fun country-rock vibe. 

 

Ultimately, I give him credit, as he wrote a bunch of the songs on the album, and none of them are terrible.  My real curiosity, I suppose is how well he’ll sell and what he’ll do on the second go-around.  Like most artists who get their first album out, he has now run through all of his A songs and will have to either start from scratch or bring out the B team.  And judging from this release, I have a hard time imagining that the B team is where all the really brilliant songs are tucked away.

 

But I was talking about the new season of Idol.

 

Two judges dropped out.  Jennifer managed to give her career a nice later-period revival, I think.  At the very least, she sold some records, did some dancing, and got another TV show out of it.  So I’d argue it was a win for her.

 

Steven, on the other hand, confessed that he took the job for the money, and then got his band back together.  His album kind of flopped, but I’m guessing the concert tour probably did well and some monetary coffers were filled.  Plus he had that terrible memoir, which sold well. 

 

Randy was supposed to be out of the show, but then wasn’t.  I’m not sure why.  I guess the producers thought they don’t want to lose the Randy fans?  Assuming there are Randy fans?

 

I’m not knocking the dude.  I just don’t know.  Nobody ever seems to come on the show just to tell Randy that he’s been an inspiration to them.  Or maybe we just don’t see those guys.

 

But anyway, he’s back on this year.  And we’ve also got Keith Urban.  For whatever reason.  You can tell he’s Australian, because he comes off as the nicest man on the planet.  I’ve been to Australia, and I can honestly say I never met anyone who wasn’t incredibly nice.  Almost eerily so.  And that about sums up Keith.

 

Randy is Randy, I guess.  He seems to have gotten more bitter over the last couple of years. Maybe having Simon gone forced him into the bad cop role.  Or perhaps it’s the show.  Because they seem to be sending more terrible singers down to the judges, as if there weren’t another hundred very good singers they couldn’t send down.

 

Which I guess brings us to the big stars.

 

Mariah Carey in, much to my surprise, coming up on her silver anniversary of fame.  Vision of Love, her first big hit, came out in 1990, which means that one year from now she’ll have racked up 25 years of hitmaking.

 

Which explain why every woman through the door gets to say, “I grew up with you.”  They did.  Even at the oldest age you can hit and be on Idol, you were maybe three when Mariah hit the scene.

 

And… what to say about her?  Well, outside of her so-called feud with Nicki Minaj, she’s a bit of a tough nut to crack.  They threw a lot of money her way to be here, and I suspect that a big part of the reason she took it is because the albums are finally starting to peter out.  Her last couple of releases barely scraped platinum, which isn’t really acceptable when you’re supposed to be a huge star.  And while I hate to say it, the stiffness in her face and her lineless forehead seem to indicate that she’s been getting at least Botox, if not more work done.

 

And that makes me sad.  It’s clear she’s an influence, it’s clear that she’s an important part of music history, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for her.  She’s also trying to maintain herself as a picture of youth, even though she’s in her forties and a mom now. 

 

It’s sad, because she seems to have a sweetness about her when it comes to certain contestants.  I can tell she wants to be kinder, but she’s prevented from doing so.

 

Mostly by Nicki Minaj.

 

Oy.

 

What to say?  Nicki was clearly brought on to bring in the kids.  She’s had the biggest hits of the last five years or so, and she is, yes, part of the now.  She also raps, but that’s neither here nor there, seeing as how Simon didn’t sing and Ellen didn’t do anything musical at all.

 

With all that said, in the promos, she was walking off the stage and saying she was done as of next week, and you know what?  That’d be AWESOME.

 

Nicki might be a great human being in real life, but on the show she’s combative and not at all fun.  Is it for the cameras?  Is it to bring in ratings?  Is it because she has a massive ego?

 

I just don’t care.

 

Fights about talent I can handle.  Fights about contestants, and who should be on?  Okay.  At least it would indicate that Nicki wants the show to be better, or that she favors a certain kind of music.

 

What I’m getting from the show is that she’s an unpleasant person, and that isn’t fun to watch. 

 

The problem is, I don’t see the problem correcting itself.  Nicki is clearly in for the long haul, and that’s kind of a shame.  Because right now she’s adding nothing to the show, and I sort of wish I could just abandon it.  And I may yet do so.

American Idol: Last Call

Here are a few thoughts to roll around in your brain:

In a couple of weeks, Kelly Clarkson will have been an American Idol winner for 11 years.  Probably 100 one-hit wonders have come and gone in that time, but Kelly stands firm.  Not bad for a girl who won a singing competition. 

What interests me most about this process is that when she auditioned, she was only up against about 10,000 people.  Now, contestants have to beat off more than ten times that amount to get to the top.

I remember someone joking, years ago, that everyone in the top ten would get a record deal.  I don’t think that was really true the first year, but it’s getting pretty close to that now, as record labels get more and more desperate for their artists to scratch and kick their way to selling a million units.  James, who was ejected last year, said with some pride that his album had sold about 100,000 units.

Something to be proud of?  Maybe.  But the guy had a national platform.  Millions of people voted for him to keep singing.  And in the end, despite getting a nice placement in Wal-Mart (a store that sells more CDs than any other in the country, I’d wager) he only moved 100,000 copies.

That’s kind of sad.  Par for the course, probably, but still kind of sad.

It also demonstrates one of the problems with the show, in that it doesn’t produce all that many idols.  Perhaps five people with any sticking power at all, many of whom lost the competition.

Which I guess brings me back to this year.

We’re down to the final three, which is nice because it means in two weeks the show will be over and done with and I can resume not thinking about any of these people.  It’s not that I hate them.  I just don’t care all that much.

As I stated some time ago, there has been talk of the show coming to an end, and I made an assumption and it appears I was wrong.  Turns out Ryan is making 16 million dollars a year on the show, which, frankly, seems a lot higher than it needs to be.  Apparently, Jennifer Lopez gets the same.

To which I must say: It’s strange how popularity feeds popularity.  Lopez’s movie career was pretty much at a standstill and her music career wasn’t much to write home about either, and then suddenly she’s on Idol and her records are selling and she’s on the cover of People and she gets a new show and so on and so on and so on.

Good for her, I guess. 

At any rate, here are the last three people:

Jessica:  I might have said this before, but it’s really been hitting me harder the longer I watch the show.  Jessica isn’t an artist, she’s a human jukebox. 

There’s a comedian who does a bit where he sings Bohemian Rhapsody in the voices of 24 different singers.  (Or more.  Or less.  I can’t remember off the top of my head.)  That’s Jessica.  She’s not up there feeding her emotions into the crowd.  No.  She’s offering up nearly note-perfect renditions of big hit songs.  It’s impressive, even kind of amazing.  But it’s also karaoke, and it’s not going to help her when someone hands her a new song and says, “Here, sing this.”

When I was in college, one of my singing teachers told me he’d had a student who didn’t want to learn how to pronounce the various languages.  He just figured he’d have his voice teacher read it off, and he’d learn it phonetically, and only use those songs for performances.

That’s Jessica, too.

She’s young.  That may change.  But my suspicion is that if she wins, and I don’t think she will, her album will tank, because it would be technically impressive and also very boring.

Phillip:  I know that Phillip hasn’t been well, having heard he underwent surgery.  But I heard, recently, that he’s been holding off having more surgery while he tries to make it through the competition.  That’s impressive, but it’s also a little crazy. 

To that end, I think it becomes very difficult to judge the guy.  It’s like watching a baseball player who broke his leg running the bases.  Do you applaud because he made it to second?  Do you complain because he didn’t make it to home?

Without seeing him at his best, there’s just no way to know.

He’s been hassled for not singing the melody, but when you literally can’t get your breath under you, it’s hard to fault you for being flat.

What most interests me now is, if he gets to release an album, what will it sound like?  I truly want to know.  Of the three, I might consider buying what he puts out.  But I’m not clamoring for it.

Joshua:  Jimmy nailed my thinking in three areas.  One: He doesn’t know who is going to win.  Two: Joshua’s version of one of James Brown’s signature tunes was amazing.  Three: And he doesn’t know what songs Joshua would record if he wins.

I suspect this is what kills a lot of people who just wanna be singers. Much the way a writers loves to write, a lot of singers just want to sing.  They don’t care all that much what, though they might have a few avoids.

So we’ll pretend, for a second, that Joshua really wants to be an old-fashioned soul singer, ala James Brown.

How do you sell that?  Who do you sell that to?  Jimmy said “maybe we’ll just record that song,” and okay, sure, you can, but putting out a string of karaoke-style tunes isn’t going to do much for your intended audience.

No.  It just isn’t.

So then what?

I dunno. I don’t have to sell the guy.  I think if they were smart, they’d let him be the next Reverend Al Green, and hope that his people find him.

In the end, I agree with Jimmy.  Any of these three could take it.  Phillip was in the bottom two last week, with Jessica already getting a save, and her and Joshua being so similar, I suspect Jessica is gone this week. 

Or perhaps I’m wrong.

As for the winner?  I’m going to give that to Joshua as well, only because I thought Phillip would have been gone long ago.

Best of luck, you silly little trio.  Hope you enjoy your upcoming obscurity…

American Idol: The Cuts Keep Happening

And so it was that I mostly let things go on Idol over the last few weeks. I’ve talked about it with friends and my spouse, and I talked a bit here without making any new predictions…

And somehow, my very first list has proved to be frighteningly accurate.

Ultimately, I misjudged (kind of, but I’ll come to that) two singers out of 12, which is surprising even to me.

So, let’s talk about who is left:

Hollie: It scares me sometimes just how closely Jimmy and I are in our thought processes, to the point where I’ve started checking my house for microphones. Hollie and Jessica are essentially the same performer… only Jessica is much, much better. This marks the third week that Hollie has given a really weak performance. She needs to go.

Honestly, I feel bad for her, as when she’s on, she’s on. But lately, the only thing she’s been able to nail have been choruses. I suspect she’d have a great career as a chorus-singing backup girl on rap records.

She was one of two people who I misjudged out of the gate, as I felt from the start she should be higher up in the competition. Of course, I said someone might flame out. Looks like it’s her. This is good news for Jessica, as all the people who abandon Hollie will run to Jessica, assuring she stays safe for weeks to come.

Elise: Honestly, I’m still blown away that Elise has gotten this far. Not because she’s bad, but because she was way, way down on the bottom during the opening weeks. She pulled herself out of her pit mightily, and it’s been fun to watch her.

People saying she did a bad job last night? That she picked the wrong song? Nah. I don’t buy it. She made two critical mistakes, though. Sticking to the original Lite FM arrangement, which makes it hard to give the song a peak, was the first. The second was starting the song low so she could do a key change and FAKE a peak was the other.

I suspect if she’d come out and let someone back her up on a solo piano, guitar, or best of all an old Fender Rhodes, there would be less complaints. Regardless, I thought it was nice. Not great, but nice.

Deandre: This is where we stop losing people who had an off week here or there, and start losing people based on good will and whether or not their performances were PERFECT. Not just great, but PERFECT.

Deandre was a save, and he’s divided viewers of the show who alternately love or hate his sweetness and super-high, super-crazy falsetto. He did a great job this week, even managing to convince my wife, who hates his style of music, that he put on a truly great performance. That’s saying something.

All that said, he can’t hold on for very much longer. He’s been close to the bottom, and the shark is coming up to devour him. Still, a great run for someone who was saved in the first place.

Colton: Colton truly is my Hayley this year. I’ve really not enjoyed most of his performances, and I think his biggest problem is that he doesn’t realize what kind of artist he is.

That said, I dug his performance this week. He finally hit his “rock” sweet spot, which is not actual rock, but Coldplay rock. He even did a solid job with Skylar. My wife and I think the two of them should form a Lady Antebellum-style group and go on the road.

Now if he could just figure out where his actual strengths lie, I’d like him a lot more.

Joshua: ‘S funny. The judges love him, and that’s nice, but while Hollie and Jessica are tapped as being the same, no one seems to get that Joshua and Jessica are also the same. But Jessica looks comfortable up there, and Joshua is still talking about his comfort zones. That’ll kill him, and all his voters will move to Jessica.

Phillip: Originally, I had Phillip dropping out a lot earlier, and I can still see it happening. The boy has an attitude problem. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s just a touch too blunt to go all the way. And this week, the judges fawned over him again, and you know what?

He was flat. He was flat for most of the song, trying desperately to scoop his way into higher notes he didn’t have the range for. As a bonus, he didn’t have a range for the low notes either. Which kind of proved something I’ve noticed about the show. If you see a singer having a problem with a song during coaching, 99% of the time they STILL have that problem later.

This week, everyone was all, “Phillip wasn’t quite there when he came in. But we know he’ll get there!” No. He won’t. The song was too high in rehearsal, and Phillip was not going to add two or three notes to his upper range over a few days.

The guy seems to genuinely enjoy performing, to the point where he’s having surgery and then coming in and doing his thing. But he really showed how limited his range is now, and that’s going to haunt him.

Skylar: Skylar took a song that’s pretty much a punch line these days, and sang it so well certain people got tears in their eyes. I told my wife weeks ago that she could really take this thing, being a country-rock girl with an impressive range. And at times like this, I suspect I’m right.

Jessica: Jessica scares me a little bit, with her talk of alternate personalities and her impossibly huge voice. I remember reading not long ago that Whitney Houston was that good at around that age, and then I see how Whitney turned out, and I shudder inside.

She may or may not deserve to win, depending on how you feel about this, but the recent deaths of Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston kind of haunt me on this one.