tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89666036118965702612024-03-13T20:11:21.607-07:00Everybody Thinks They Can WriteJoshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.comBlogger224125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-43386331004602026682023-12-06T14:59:00.000-08:002023-12-06T14:59:31.026-08:00When Harry Met Sally 2<p> Recently a Twitter buddy of mine noted that the three major forces behind When Harry Met Sally – Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, and Rob Reiner – are all still alive. And that the original film featured “interviews” with various older couples telling their stories.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And that Harry/Sally needs a sequel.</p><p class="MsoNormal">At first I was dubious, because, you know, leave well enough alone. But I did concede it would be fun to re-film the last two minutes of the film, so that an “older” Harry and Sally could now tell their story looking back with the benefit of their aged faces.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And then. Then I got to thinking.</p><p class="MsoNormal">While it’s true that the core three are still alive, a number of the people in the film aren’t with us anymore. Most importantly, Bruno Kirby and Carrie Fisher, who played their best friends who got married and, among other things, promised that they’d never be out there (single) again.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But what if… all that changed?</p><p class="MsoNormal">And here’s where we bring in some other important things: Namely, that Rob Reiner is still very good friends with Christopher Guest and his wife, Jamie Lee Curtis. Who weren’t anywhere in When Harry Met Sally.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So this time, instead of telling a love story, let’s tell a friendship story.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Harry and Sally have had, by all accounts, a good life. Sally retired from journalism as journalism started to crumble and Harry got out of political consulting just before the world went insane. Their two best friends died, even after thinking they’d never be out there again.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Harry and Sally got through COVID, but it was rough without their friends. And now, they feel like they need new friends, but don’t know how to make them.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Until one day, they meet another older couple: Bruno and Carrie.</p><p class="MsoNormal">How do friendships work today? Do they call their friends, like they used to? Do they text back and forth, which is so much more common today?</p><p class="MsoNormal">The foursome navigate social media together to keep up with what’s happening with their kids and grandkids.</p><p class="MsoNormal">They talk about their kids (Bruno and Carrie adopted and have a trans child, Harry and Sally had a birth daughter who hadn’t met the right person and doesn’t think she could justify having a child).</p><p class="MsoNormal">They talk about trying to fill up their retired life. (We thought about going on vacation, but what are we going on vacation from? It isn’t work. It’s not the kids. I’ve seen the world. I like my mattress. My back already hurts, why make it hurt more by sleeping on a bed whose mattress was last replaced when Biden was in short pants?)</p><p class="MsoNormal">The title of the film is When Harry and Sally Met Bruno and Carrie, and much like the first film was debating and discussing relationships and love, this one is about friendship and trying to squeeze the last little bit of joy out of life because you never know when it’s all going to be over.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And while Nora Ephron, who wrote the original screenplay, is also gone, her sister Delia just wrote a memoir about her own second chance at life after losing her sister and husband.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I mean, I feel like I deserve a story credit for doing this much work, but you can see it, right?</p>Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-70390478104468838212023-07-07T10:25:00.003-07:002023-07-07T10:25:58.456-07:00Fairy Godmother-In-Law<p> </p><p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">When
you’ve been on as many blind dates as I have, you come to recognize
“The Moment.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I mean is this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
Moment” is that very second, that very instant, that you know when
a date is going to end well, or going to end poorly.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m
not talking about whether or not you’re getting invited up for a
drink. I’m not even talking about whether there’s a goodnight
kiss or a second date in your future. I’m talking about “The
Moment” – that second where you either relax and start to enjoy
yourself, or realize that you are in for the kind of night where you
try to memorize all the horrible details, so that you can at least
get an amusing anecdote out of it.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
wish I could say this was a funny story.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Maybe
it’ll be funny to you.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
date with Jennifer was, naturally, set up by my mother. I say this
is natural because she’s been “retired” since she was about
twenty-five.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s
an odd story.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
never knew my dad. The way my mom tells it, he was handsome and
dashing, and even though he took off the minute he found out that
he’d impregnated my mother, she still refers to him as, “My
knight in shining armor.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
finally got one of my aunts to spill the beans about the guy
responsible for half my DNA after plying her with several beers at a
family reunion. It seems that the guy left mom with some sort of
strange trust fund setup, which meant she could quit her job at the
local supermarket, deliver me, and live off some variety of compound
interest.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">(It
also left us with enough money that I could see a really great shrink
about my issues with my absent father. My doctor said, and I quote,
“If he left you with enough money to pay my fees, you don’t
really need me. You need a girlfriend and a hobby. In that order.”)</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
mom needed a hobby as well.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I mean is this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">If
you’re thirty-seven years old, and you’ve never been married, and
your mother doesn’t have a job, you become her hobby.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">When
I asked my mother what she knew about Jennifer, mom clammed up.
Which was different.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Most
mothers, when setting their kid up on a date, want to talk the girl
up. She’s so smart, or so pretty, or so well-liked, or so
talented, or in one memorable case, “So rich she’s worth marrying
just to knock her up and get a divorce so you can get partial custody
and some rockin’ child support and I can be a grandma and I don’t
have to worry about your financial security any more.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">But
Jennifer? Nothing. No info. I eventually got my mother to admit
that she’d met Jennifer’s mother at her book club, where they’d
been reading their way through a popular series involving wizards and
witches and their many adventures at school.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">(When
I pointed out to my mother that the books were supposed to be for
kids, she admitted that the club had tried to read “Pride and
Prejudice” first, only to discover that everyone had opted to watch
the movie instead of slogging through page after page of turgid
prose.)</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Do
you know anything about Jennifer at all?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
her mother is very… unique. I thought that if Jennifer was
anything like her, perhaps you’d get along.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Unique?”
I pressed.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">It
means,” sighed mom, “that I’ve been setting you up with normal
women for years and none of them have worked out, and perhaps if you
try eating the fried Oreo instead of getting the same old chocolate
cake again, maybe you’ll find you like the new flavor.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
love my mother, but her metaphors border on lunatic babbling
sometimes.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Going
on a blind date is not unlike trying to solve a murder mystery before
you hit the last page.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I mean is this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Everything
you discover about your date is a clue about who she is and how the
night might go, starting with her place of residence.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">When
you get to her house or apartment complex, you generally know what
kind of neighborhood you’re in, and how much it costs to live
there.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
lived on the fourth floor of a five-floor walkup, in an
okay-but-not-great part of town. Which said to me she was probably
working a blue-or-pink-collar job and paying all the bills under her
own steam.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">So
I was somewhat surprised, when the front door of her apartment
presented me not with a woman in her mid-thirties, but a woman in her
mid-sixties.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Her
hair was short, and a perfect, uniform white. The kind of white you
only see on old people wearing wigs. Her shapeless dress was covered
by a bizarre white robe shot through with some sort of metallic
piping.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Gold,
maybe? Silver? Hard to tell.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Also,
she was holding a stick.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
stood there for a moment, as it finally hit me why my mother hadn’t
told me anything about Jennifer. She was old enough to be a
grandmother.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Good
evening, Jennifer,” I said, when the saliva returned to my mouth.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
woman in the door sized me up.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m
not Jennifer.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Oh,”
I said.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now,
perhaps that looked a lot like “The Moment,” to you, and on
paper, I can understand that. But rest assured, that was not it.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Granted,
I was in trouble. At this point, I had possibly insulted Jennifer,
and possibly insulted her, what? Mother? Grandmother? Aunt?</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
finally decided to plunge right in. “I mean, by, um – by saying
‘Oh,’ I meant, ‘Oh, of course you’re not Jennifer.’”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">That
was also not the moment.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
next moment was.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I mean is this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
woman in the doorway extended her hand. The hand not holding a
stick.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m
her fairy godmother,” she said.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Her
godmother?” I replied, as I took her hand, and gave it what I hoped
was a firm-but-not-too-firm shake.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Fairy
godmother,” she repeated.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now,
I’ve had “The Moment” early on before, but this was kind of a
first. I had always at least met my date before I realized that
things were just not going to end well.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">You
can judge me if you want to, but people have gone to war on less
substantial grounds than the one that caused me to step through the
doorway, rather than fake a sudden urge to vomit while manufacturing
a story about how my lunch meat had smelled a little “off”
earlier in the day. </span></span></span>
</p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">When
it comes down to it, though, I was lonely, and in my late thirties.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Plus,
hey, it looked like it had the makings of a great story, assuming I
made it through the entire evening. “And then, before I even got
in the door? I met her fairy godmother. She even had a wand. Well,
a stick, but you know…”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer’s
fairy godmother turned her back to me for a moment. “Jennifer!
Your date’s here!”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
heard a faint “Coming!” from behind a door just outside my line
of vision.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
white-haired woman turned to face me again. “Typical princess,”
she said. “Always running ‘just a little late,’ don’t you
know.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
– uh – I don’t mind,” I replied, unsure of what to say. I’d
dealt with a few meddling mothers before, including one who took
pictures of me with my date before heading off, as though it was prom
we were going to, and not a first date at a minor league baseball
game. A minor league baseball game where we bought a lot of beer
because we were both over the legal age by a decade, and had
discovered that we had only one thing in common: we hated her mother.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">You
should,” she replied, glancing over her shoulder again. “If you
can’t put a princess in her place right off the bat, she’ll walk
all over you.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">At
a loss for anything else to say, I opened my mouth to ask the Fairy
Godmother if they lived together, when Jennifer stepped out of her
bedroom, dressed for – something other than what I had planned for
the night.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I mean is this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
came to her house in my usual first-date garb. Khaki pants,
turtleneck, sport coat, loafers. If you’re a guy, you’ll
recognize this as an easy dress-up-dress-down outfit. Good enough to
get you into a reasonably upscale eatery, but not out of place at a
bar, either.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">She
was wearing – and I am not exaggerating to make this story more
amusing – a ball gown and a tiara.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
think there are probably some girls who could have pulled this off –
but Jennifer wasn’t one of them. It’s not that she was
unattractive, not really, but she wasn’t hot or gorgeous or
stunning, or really any descriptive term that I could think of
outside of ordinary.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Her
straight brown hair was ordinary. As was her face. As was her
figure. As were her other accessories, which consisted of an
ordinary purse that didn’t go with her odd ensemble, and some
unmemorable jewelry.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">That
was the moment when I decided to bail out. I breathed in, willing my
brain to come up with a reason I couldn’t go out – and found a
stick pressing against my nose.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
okay, it was kind of up my nose.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer’s
fairy godmother leaned forward, and in a voice I’m sure only I
could hear, said:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">If
you hurt her, I will turn you into a toad.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
moment she stopped talking, she took a step back from me, and said,
pleasantly, “Sorry about that. The old balance isn’t what it
used to be, you know? I’m constantly bumping into things.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s
true,” confirmed Jennifer. </span></span></span>
</p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">No
harm done,” I said. I turned to Jennifer. “Shall we?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
stepped up to the woman in the robe and pecked her on the cheek.
“Don’t wait up.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Oh,
you know me,” she replied. “Won’t be able to sleep a wink
until I hear you come clumping into the apartment.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
won’t keep her out late,” I said, and Jennifer followed me out
the door.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
I let Jennifer into the car, I realized that I had a serious problem.
Outside of the threat to turn me into a toad. So, two problems,
really.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
had no real place that I could take a woman in a ball gown. The
eatery I had chosen was on something of a mid-range scale, much like
my clothing for the night. There were better restaurants in town,
and I ate out often enough to get preferential treatment at a few of
them (provided I tipped everyone well).</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">But
were any of them ball-gown-worthy? No.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
got into the driver’s seat and looked at my date, who smiled and
blushed. “Sorry about that. She can be…” she took a moment to
select a word, “overprotective.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I…
” I began to say, then trailed off. What was there to say about a
woman who clearly needed a visit from the nice young men in their
clean white coats? “You know what? Let’s not worry about that
right now. Let’s worry about where we’re going to eat.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
thought you picked a place,” she replied.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,”
I said, “I’m not sure if it’s quite up to the task of working
with that dress.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
looked at me, uncertain. “This old thing?” I was reasonably
sure she wasn’t kidding.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">You
know what? Why don’t we just go to the place I have a reservation
for.”</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mel’s
had been one of my favorite places to eat when I was younger, and it
remained so even now. Most of the reason I loved it was because it
never changed.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Literally.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
place had been built twenty years before I was born, and when you
walked into the restaurant, it was like stepping back in time just a
little ways. The waitresses wore the same uniforms they wore sixty
years ago. Any and all furniture that had been replaced matched the
original décor exactly.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
the menus were still the same large, handwritten, leatherbound menus
Mel’s had used the day it had opened.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
menus were part of the reason I dug the place so much – there were
no prices on them.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mel
was something of a genius that way. He had decided, as he handmade
the menus himself all those decades ago, to not bother writing down
any of the prices, so that he would never have to replace them. He
would simply tell his clients what the prices were.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
waitresses had never been overjoyed about this.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">But
I loved it. The food wasn’t cheap, perhaps, but neither was it
overpriced. And since my dates generally didn’t want to split the
bill with me, I looked good, because most of them assumed that if you
had to ask for a price, you probably couldn’t afford it.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yes,
it was a sleazy tactic. Thanks for noticing.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">We
were shown to our table, and we made small talk while we decided what
to order.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Once
our drinks were in place, and we were waiting for food, I decided to
push for actual information – a commodity that, even after sitting
in her vicinity for more than half an hour, I was still in short
supply of.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">So,”
I said, “what is it that you do?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
took a sip of her wine. “Oh, you know. This and that.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m
sorry, I should have clarified. What do you do for a living?” I
asked.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
stared at me blankly.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
tried again. “Your job? Where do you work?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Oh,
I see. No, I don’t do that,” she said.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">You
don’t work?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">No.
Mother would never allow it. She thinks it’s beneath me.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Working
is beneath you?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
I am a princess,” she said.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now,
I’ve dated a few “princesses” in my life. I’ve dated the
girls that wore t-shirts that said Princess, I’ve dated girls that
have said, “I want to be treated like a princess,” and I have, in
fact, dated a girl whose name was Princess.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">But
this was the first time I had one claim to be actual royalty. </span></span></span>
</p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
took a large bite of the warm bread that had been brought to the
table, and chewed slowly, giving myself as much time to think as I
possibly could.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
way I saw it, there were two possibilities.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
first, of course, was that she was bonkers, which would explain both
the dress and the roommate, birds of the feather and so on.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
second was that she really was an actual princess, perhaps of some
smaller monarchy that I had never heard of. This felt improbable to
me, because why would she be here?</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
swallowed, and took a drink of water, trying to extend my thought
process as long as possible. Finally, I asked what I figured was the
only logical question.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">So,
where’s your kingdom?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
it’s not my kingdom.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Okay,
your father’s kingdom, then.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">He’s
not a king, as far as I know,” she said.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Then
– your mother. Her kingdom. Or queendom, if you like.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
smiled. “My mother’s not a queen. She’s a witch.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
smiled back. “You don’t have to watch your mouth around me. I’m
an adult. I’ve heard the ‘b’ word before.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Her
smile faltered a bit. “I’m not sure I understand.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
you just said your mother is a witch.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">She
is a witch.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
felt like I had finally found my bearings. “You mean, she’s an
actual witch.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">That’s
what I said.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
she, what, performs spells, and puts curses on people?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sometimes.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
she flies around on a broomstick, and everything?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
that’s what witches do, isn’t it?” she said, with a perplexed
look on her face.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of
course it is,” I replied. “Everyone knows that.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Our
food arrived, and our talk turned to how good the pasta was, how
fresh the bread was, and the fact that the meatball recipe was one
from “the old country.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
talked a little about my work (sales) and a little about her hobbies
(“I collect unicorns.”) and an hour later the plates were cleared
and the evening had been pleasant enough. I paid the bill, and
tipped well, which is what you do when your date is in a ball gown
and tiara and it isn’t prom night.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Back
in the car, Jennifer turned to me. “It’s still pretty early,”
she said.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">It
was a little after nine on a Friday night. Bars were open, movies
were running, and if I was willing to drop fifty cents on a
newspaper, I could probably find half a dozen things to do in the
city.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Instead,
I finally managed to squeeze out a lie. “I have to work tomorrow,
sorry. It was a last-minute thing.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Oh,
well, that’s too bad,” she said. “I had a really nice time
tonight. We should get together again.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sure,”
I said. Lie number two. I was on a roll. </span></span></span>
</p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
drove her home, walked her up to her apartment, and pecked her on the
cheek.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ll
call you.” Lie number three. I was outta there.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s
true that it’s tough to meet a nice girl. The saying goes that
there are three predominant traits in women – smart, beautiful, and
sane, and you only get to pick two. With Jennifer, I was pretty sure
I was going to get one and a half at best, if you combined the traits
in some odd mathematical way.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
went home and “lost” her phone number.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nearly
a month had passed since my date with the princess, and since I had
shared the story with most of my friends in the first week, I had all
but forgotten about her.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
was sitting in my apartment flipping through the channels when my
phone rang.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
picked it up. “Hello?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why
didn’t you call Jennifer?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mom,
I don’t think…”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">This
is not your mother. This is Jennifer’s fairy godmother. Now,
answer my question.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Look,
lady. First of all, it’s none of your business whether I called
Jennifer or not. She’s a grown woman and…”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">It
certainly is my business. Do you know that she’s been crying for
the last four weeks? Do you know how hard it is to get tears and
snot out of a gown?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">She
wears that thing all the time?” It was out of my mouth before I
could stop it.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
owns several gowns. Don’t be an idiot.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
can’t you just, what, magic the stains out, or something?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Magic
doesn’t work that way.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well,
then who washes those things? Magical mice?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">We
take them to the dry cleaners.” The edge on her voice sharpened
even farther.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
desperately wanted to meet the man who washed those gowns, week in
and week out, and never asked questions. I wanted to ask if,
perhaps, the magical ball gown cleaning mice worked at the dry
cleaners, or if, perhaps, they used magical lobsters.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I said was, “I understand that you care about Jennifer very much.
However, who I date and who I do not date is none of your concern.
I’m sorry that I didn’t hit it off with her, but I’m sure
she’ll find a nice man who adores all of her eccentricities. I’m
going to hang up now, and if you call me back, I will hang up again
and call the police.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
I began to pull the phone away from my ear, I heard this: “Do you
remember what I said to you, just before you and Jennifer went out?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
wracked my brain for a moment. “You said… you said that you
would turn me into a toad. If I hurt her.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">That’s
correct,” she said.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
would like to point out to you that I didn’t hurt her.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
have several soiled gowns that say otherwise.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now,
I admit, I can be a little shortsighted, but I’m not heartless.
Despite the fact that everyone surrounding Jennifer was clearly a
noodle salad short of a buffet, she didn’t seem to be a bad person,
and I couldn’t help but feel that, perhaps, unlike most of the
women I’ve dated, she wasn’t used to not having men call back.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Do
you want me to tell her that it isn’t going to work out?” I
asked. “I wasn’t trying to hurt her, it’s just that most
women…”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer
is not most women. She is a princess. She is used to being treated
in a certain manner.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yes,
of course,” I said. “But I can tell her that we won’t be going
out again, if that’ll help.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
don’t want you to tell her you won’t be going out again,” said
the Fairy Godmother. “I want you to tell her when your next date
is going to be.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s
going to be on the fifth of never,” I replied, not unkindly. “I’m
sorry, but I’m just not interested, and unless you want me to tell
her personally, this conversation really is over.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
want you to understand something. I want you, the person reading
this, to realize that up until this moment, I thought I was dealing
with people who had, for one reason or another, just opted to live in
their own reality.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I mean is this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">On
the other end of the line, I heard words being mumbled.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
said, “Excuse me?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">But
it sounded like: “Eth-cuthe Muh?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
tongue was hanging halfway down my torso.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
gasped, and choked back a scream as I tried to push my tongue back in
my mouth with my free hand, while saying something that sounded like,
“Wha dith oo thoo? What dith oo thoo?”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Abruptly,
my tongue shrank, vanishing into my mouth. It was like having a
tongue cramp while someone shoved an ice pick through my tongue at
the exact same moment.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m
going to give you one minute, to let your tongue stop hurting,” I
heard, through my ringing ears. “Then I want to hear this phone
ring, and I want Jennifer to answer it, and you’re going to set
your next date.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
phone clicked in my ear.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
hung up. A minute later, I was dialing.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">They
say that time flies when you’re having fun, but I find it even more
true that days take forever and months take no time at all.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
spent the first three months that Jennifer and I were dating visiting
every local (and not-so-local) library, trying to find information on
magic and fairy tales. Ultimately, what I learned was this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Authors
are totally full of it.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">They
all contradict each other, the old fairy tales. The Brothers Grimm
kind of cleaned up the old folk tales and made them somewhat
consistent, yes, but everyone after and before them? The details in
their stories varied in every possible way, simply because the nature
of such stories is that you add your own details and subtract your
own details as need be.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
for magic, well, that should be obvious. Just your basic illusion
type stuff, none of it real.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Even
research into the occult didn’t get me very far. I met a few
people who claimed to be psychic and a few others who claimed to be,
if not magical, then at least telekinetic.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">But,
of course, the minute I told them about the fact that I was dealing
with a fairy godmother, a witch-no-not-a-Wiccan-yes-on-a-broomstick,
and a woman who wore gowns and tiaras all day, well, they all
recommended nice doctors to me, when they weren’t kicking me out
for trying to make them look foolish.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Eventually,
I gave up the search for a way out of my predicament.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Months
turned into a year.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
found out that Jennifer really was a nice person, and really was
quite dull, because she had no interest in anything but being a
princess, which seems to involve mostly having nice gowns and
beautiful furniture.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
her unicorn collection. Which was made up of real unicorns. Which
you can’t ride, because they hate being captive, and will gore you
on sight.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Somewhere
in there, a marriage proposal happened (all resistance was eliminated
when I briefly developed toe webbing), which put my mother over the
moon with happiness. Metaphorically.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
wedding day, by the way? Pretty much where this story ends. They
put me in a ridiculous outfit (fit for a prince, I was told) and made
me memorize a really elaborate ceremony, much of it featuring arcane
language that I didn’t much understand.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
got through it well enough to end up married, and it was at the
banquet that things took an odd turn.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Somehow,
my mother-in-law, and my fairy godmother-in-law, had secured an
actual castle for the wedding banquet.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">In
the middle of the best man’s speech (I had begged him not to make
jokes about a fairy-tale ending) the doors of the hall suddenly
crashed open.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">In
the doorway was the largest horse I’ve ever seen, and on top of
that horse was… well… a man. A very tall man, with
salt-and-pepper hair, and a goatee, and did I mention that fact that
he was wearing a suit of armor?</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
carrying a massive sword?</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
then, it happened – the moment that totally changed my life.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">What
I mean is this:</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">This
all happened at the same time.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer’s
mom stood up.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
mom stood up.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer’s
mom yelled out, “Lance!”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
mom yelled out, “Lance!”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer’s
mom turned to the head table, and said, “Jennifer, that’s your
father!”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
mom turned to the head table, and yelled out, “Artie, that’s your
father.”</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jennifer’s
face crumpled, and she started to bawl.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
eyes got very wide, and I thanked everything that was good that I had
never been more intimate with my sister than a chaste peck on the
cheek.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">And
then there was a flash of light.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="CENTER" style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">***</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Flies,
by the way? Not so bad. High in protein.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 0.33in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-19093249326424238062023-04-02T07:35:00.002-07:002023-04-02T07:35:36.820-07:00Forgotten Prince: Great Albums After Sign O' the Times<p>A couple of weeks ago some social media platform or another tossed me a video in which a person I didn’t know stated their unpopular opinions.</p><p><br /></p><p>Granted, sometimes these kinds of things can be fun, since they amount to “this thing everyone likes I don’t” or “this thing no one likes I do,” both of which can be amusing to ponder, assuming they have a entertaining reasoning.</p><p><br /></p><p>But one of his guy’s unpopular opinions hit a weird hot button with me – Prince didn’t release a great album after Sign O’ the Times.</p><p><br /></p><p>Okay.</p><p><br /></p><p>Right off, I gotta admit that I’ve had this weird… thing… with Prince that started with his death. When he passed, I made a massive blog that laid out how I’d spent years picking up every new release, often against my better judgement, and ending up at least somewhat disappointed in the results.</p><p><br /></p><p>And yet…</p><p><br /></p><p>Here’s the important thing – I don’t get hipster-y about many things, but I do get that way about Prince, and it relates back to those first moments after he died.</p><p><br /></p><p>What I saw was a lot of people saying they loved him, when… they really loved Purple Rain. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it felt very limiting to me – the man released 39 albums, and you’re in love with the one that sold 10 million copies.</p><p><br /></p><p>And then, there were the people who said they loved Prince for more than just Purple Rain… and then universally said they loved Around the World in a Day, which came out just after Purple Rain. And to be honest, a lot of people bought it because they loved Purple Rain, and a lot of people didn’t like it, but some people learned to…</p><p><br /></p><p>And that’s cool, I suppose, but it still told me that they probably stopped listening to Prince after the year 1999 came and went.</p><p><br /></p><p>(And mostly, they gave up after he left Warner Bros., which was 5 years before that.)</p><p><br /></p><p>So.</p><p><br /></p><p>I think what stuck in my craw about the Sign O’ the Times comment was the fact that after it came out, Prince had almost a decade of hits that pointed towards albums that ranged from good to great. It was only in about the mid-nineties that he fell off the radar, after The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, which somehow managed to be a huge hit and kind of disliked at the same time.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I am willing to confess, after Prince left Warner Bros., the great albums get thinner. Freedom was great for Prince, in that he got to do whatever he wanted. It was also bad, in that he got to do whatever he wanted, which means that he was able to do things like release an album with 4 instrumental jams, each 14 minutes long.</p><p><br /></p><p>But you know what? For some people, that’s their favorite record.</p><p><br /></p><p>So maybe it was worth it.</p><p><br /></p><p>As for me, I’m just going to rattle off the great albums that are straight up the middle – if you liked Purple Rain, and enjoy Prince in “hits” mode, these are great albums.</p><p><br /></p><p>Although, first: A word on great albums. I’m going to define great here as “75% great songs and no bad songs.” Is that fair?</p><p><br /></p><p>I say yes, based on:</p><p><br /></p><p>Thriller is, most days, the biggest seller of all time. It also contains The Girl is Mine, a song many people loathe, and The Lady in My Life, a song many people can’t recall. (I suspect people stop listening after PYT.)</p><p><br /></p><p>Even Sign O’ the Times contains It, a song that feels less like a song and more like a riff with some quickly improvised lyrics over the top of it.</p><p><br /></p><p>So, with that mind, here are some great post Sign O’ the Times records:</p><p><br /></p><p>Graffiti Bridge: Technically a soundtrack with a handful of songs performed by other artists, Prince still wrote all the songs, many of which are unheard gems. Still Would Stand All Time and The Question of U in particular are incredible.</p><p><br /></p><p>Love Symbol: This one got lost in the whole “Prince changed his name!” controversy and a storyline that takes some of the focus off the music, but… the music is almost all fabulous, only 3 Chains O’ Gold taking up more time than it probably should.</p><p><br /></p><p>Come: The opening track (and the closing one, which pairs with it in some ways) might keep some people who prefer a cleaner Prince away, but this is a fairly quiet, sometimes dark and occasionally experimental record that, honestly, doesn’t contain any bad songs.</p><p><br /></p><p>The Gold Experience: This one deserved a harder push from label and, frankly, a better single. Instead, they chose Dolphin, which is lovely but doesn’t hold a candle to almost every other song on the record. There’s an alternate universe where Now or Endorphinemachine hit radio first and this one is remembered as an all-time great, and instead it’s forgotten. And unfortunately, after this, there are some much larger gaps between greatness.</p><p><br /></p><p>3121: There’s a whole decade between The Gold Experience and 3121, and the truth is what’s in the middle isn’t all bad. Most of it is good, and some of it is great, but it isn’t great all the way through – of the hours of released material, there’s something like 90-120 minutes that would build an all-time-great Spotify playlist. But if you want a great record, 3121 is the next one on the list, and while critics seemed to love claiming that one record or another was a “return to form” – this one felt the closest.</p><p><br /></p><p>Art Official Age: Prince released this album on the same day he released a totally different record with a brand-new band, but this one felt like he knew he wanted to keep pushing himself. A lot of artists get to a certain age and you can see them looking back. Johnny Cash, Elton John, and others get into their later years and decide to try to recreate what made them great. Prince kept trying to push forward.</p>Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-55791051778987916752023-02-22T21:23:00.002-08:002023-02-22T21:23:16.174-08:00Solving the Pennywise Problem<p> I recently managed to see the long-in-the-making documentary Pennywise: The Story of IT, which covers the creation of the 90s TV miniseries. I won’t say that the documentary is the kind of thing that changes lives, but if you were a fan of the adaptation at all its well worth your time. They managed to track down and interview just about everyone involved who’s still alive and kicking.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Moreover, likely since the series is pretty far in the past, people are up for talking about the flaws, including some of the weirdness in the source material, the mechanical spider, and most interesting to me, the fact that part 2 isn’t as good as part 1.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Why does this interest me so much? Because as you likely know, the book was adapted again a few years ago, this time for the big screen, and once again, audiences felt that the second part wasn’t as strong as the first.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And here’s what surprises me: While there are various discussions about what makes part 2 weaker than part 1, none of them quite gets into why that is. Or potentially, how to fix it when it gets adapted again twenty years from now.</p><p class="MsoNormal">(It could happen.)</p><p class="MsoNormal">So.</p><p class="MsoNormal">To explain the problem, we first have to get into the plot of the movies, and how they’re the same.</p><p class="MsoNormal">In the 90s version, we get a direct adaptation of the opening of the book, namely the little brother and his paper boat meet Pennywise, and the brother gets eaten. We then meet the adults (briefly) and spend the rest of part 1 meeting the kids, watching them become friends, fight a bully, and then fight and defeat Pennywise.</p><p class="MsoNormal">In part 2 of the 90s version, we see the adults get together at a Chinese restaurant, do some mostly totally unmemorable stuff (fixing up a bike!), fighting the same bully because Pennywise sent the bully to take out the now-adults, and then the team fights and defeats Pennywise again.</p><p class="MsoNormal">In the 2010s version, part 1 has almost the exact same opening, and then… all the adult stuff is skipped, and it’s just the kids becoming friends, fighting a bully and defeating Pennywise.</p><p class="MsoNormal">In part 2, the adults get called back, meet at a Chinese restaurant, try to find some totems, fight off the bully, and then fight and defeat Pennywise again.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Okay: Ready for the problem?</p><p class="MsoNormal">And, sadly, the fix that no one is likely to use?</p><p class="MsoNormal">That’s not how the plot of the book rolls out.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Here’s what happens in the book.</p><p class="MsoNormal">The paper boat sequence occurs. We then get about 150 pages or so of the adults getting a call to go back to fight Pennywise, and in the 20 pages or so each of them gets, we learn who they are as adults, where they have been successful and unsuccessful, and get little hints about who they were as kids.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Then the flashbacks start.</p><p class="MsoNormal">As the book progresses, the adults gather and talk about their shared history, resulting in many, many, many flashbacks while the adults mostly sit around and don’t do very much at all. From time to time, Pennywise throws a scare at them, but, to put it bluntly, 80% of the interesting and memorable stuff happens to the kids.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Even the major obstacles Pennywise throws at the non-adults don’t veer the plot all that much until the book is very near it’s end. Bill and Beverly each have a spouse track them to Derry, but they affect the plot so little that Beverly’s partner is dropped from both adaptations completely.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And here’s the thing that’s really important: In the book, because so much of it is in flashback, Pennywise is defeated twice, essentially back-to-back. First in the past, and then in the present.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Why does this matter?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Simply put, the adaptation doesn’t work because, in both cases, all the meat of the story is told in part 1. Part 2 could, essentially, be a 30-45 minute wraparound story for part 1. It can’t work on it’s own because that’s not what it was designed for.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Both movies attempt to fix this by adding in fresh material, but it’s clear they knew that they were in trouble. The 90s version is in luck because it only has to fill about 90 minutes, which means they can just stretch what little material they have from the book and make it work, just not super well.</p><p class="MsoNormal">The 2010s version, however, attempts to add material, and frankly, it feels tacked on. The scavenger hunt is kneecapped by the fact that one character is already out of the movie and therefore can’t hunt, which makes the obvious even to non-readers that this was just crammed in there.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So, what’s the solution?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Well, I’m not the kind of person to take movies and re-edit them, because I lack the time and much of the equipment. I’ll leave that to the people with those skills.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But I can say what they need to do in the future, which is: Follow the book, and put both climaxes at the end.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Now, this isn’t the kind of thing that movie studios really want to do, frankly. Putting a cap on the first movie meant there didn’t have a be a second one. It was kind of brilliant.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But it killed the second movie.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Today, we will, at times, see studios willing to effectively put out half a movie. And with IT, I feel like you could get a double win, by putting out part 1 in summer and part 2 around Christmas.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Or, you know, take it back to TV with the streaming world, and make a 12-episode series that a) remembers Bev has a husband and b) adapts all the historical stories that never make into any of the adaptations because they’re entertaining, but not essential.</p><p class="MsoNormal">There’s a saying in writing about killing your darlings and for filmmakers the darling that needs to be killed is the neat, tidy ending that happens in the middle of the story – because even at over 1000 pages King there’s not enough material for a bow to be there.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And I’ll be honest: No one’s going to read this and hire me, because when they remake this, they know that first part is bulletproof.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So, with that in mind: Good luck to whoever is hired to write part 2. Your part is destined to be disappointing. But it doesn’t have to be. Just find one of the (many!) great set pieces and let it end part 1, and part 2 will take care of itself.</p>Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-32839612405073546402022-12-13T18:42:00.002-08:002022-12-13T18:42:56.196-08:00Giving Up Sleep for Your Dreams<p> I had a few people wander across my timeline recently talking about “going hard at what you love for a year” and while the discourse was respectful, I was amazed at how it also left out so many factors. Moreover, there’s a whole subculture of side hustles and “if you’re doing what you love you’ll be successful” that I think is, frankly, the result of a US culture of “you can accomplish anything if you just work hard enough, and if you didn’t get it that’s your fault.”</p><p class="MsoNormal">Which means I’m going to babble about this, because I’ve gone this “go hard” route three different times, none of them went where they “should” have gone, but there is some learning to be had.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So, first time: Screenwriting. I had gotten into screenplays and film in general in college and decided I wanted to a) try writing movies and then b) seeing what I could do after I wrote them. At the time I did not have any connections, I was starting from zero.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I wrote some garbage screenplays, then a couple of good ones, then I got online and started researching small production companies that were looking to make movies. (You have to understand, in the early 2000s this was A Thing. A lot of no-name filmmakers would make a tiny film for no money, studios would be impressed, and then suddenly no-name filmmakers were getting studio gigs. At least, so the legends went. Reality was more complicated. It always is.)</p><p class="MsoNormal">Essentially, I lived two lives: Work my regular job. Home, eat, a little time with wife, then write and research selling opportunities until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I did this for something like two years, because although I kept inching forward, I never made The Big Leap where I sold a script to Hollywood and started getting meetings and got a good agent and so on.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I did get one feature made, a couple of short films made and got a few options and yes, I did make some money but if I took out all my learning time and ONLY factored in my professional accomplishments, when I did my taxes every year my “business” lost money. And I was not pulling fancy tax footwork.</p><p class="MsoNormal">When your “hobby” becomes a job there reaches a point where the fun of it starts to leak out and it needs to stop costing you money and start making you money, and eventually I realized making less than a dollar an hour for my time when I could have been spending time with friends and family or engaging in OTHER hobbies or, you know, sleeping were better ways to spend my time.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I did take on other projects over the years but my rule was that they either had to have SOME money involved or they HAD to get made. I broke this rule a few times and got burned every time—the low-budget concept that just needed a script flamed out the minute there were words on a page because other people had “a vision” but realized the workload was insurmountable. I’m not mad about it, but I do wish I could have that time back.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I would go back to screenwriting in a heartbeat if there was money in it—even a little bit. I really did enjoy it. But screenplays that don’t become movies are, sadly, pretty useless unless . It’s better to write it as a novel, which you can always sell yourself.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Which brings me to going hard: Number 2. Amazon made it possible to sell Kindle books at basically no cost to you, as long as you were willing to put it the effort of formatting and cover design yourself. So I went hard at books for something like 18 months, writing, getting covers, formatting, marketing and also trying to break into traditional publishing. And I got almost nowhere.</p><p class="MsoNormal">My series got picked up by a small publisher for a couple of years and that was a genuine miracle, because I was unemployed during a lot of that time (part of the big economic crash) and the money the book earned through the publisher covered some bills that needed covering.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But again, at the end I was burned. Out. The money was nice, but it wasn’t replacing having a job, at all. It wasn’t even close. And I had a young child. Having two jobs—and then having to search for a job while also trying to write—just wore me down.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Do I still want to write books? Sometimes. But going back to querying, or trying to market my own stuff again? Again: It’s like having two full time jobs. And working 80 hours a week, to possibly lose money? It almost makes more sense to get a part time job and sock away $100 a week into a Roth IRA.)</p><p class="MsoNormal">(That said: I have an idea that might be good enough to sell on the title alone, which never happens to be. But piling up all those words?)</p><p class="MsoNormal">Finally, there was the time I decided to go hard and become a full-time freelance writer. There was a LOT of luck in this choice. I was unemployed (though searching for work really is a full-time job) and I had one freelance opportunity suddenly need much more writing, and a second, well-paying opportunity appear out of nowhere.</p><p class="MsoNormal">This lasted just a handful of months before it all came crashing down. My clients had budget issues and rather than, say, asking if they could cut my fees, told me they would call me when they needed me. That didn’t happen. I tried to find other clients, but nothing came of it.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And honestly, I had made major concessions to be a “full-time writer.” I wasn’t making anything close, money-wise, to what I had been making at my previous job. And I was putting in a lot more hours. And the number of times I came up with a fair price for my work, then watched it get cut in half (or sometimes way less than half) just to keep writing…</p><p class="MsoNormal">On top of that, when you’re freelancing, you’re often taking their directive and running with it. If they need a story on used cars, well, that’s what you’re writing…</p><p class="MsoNormal">And from all of this… came two big lessons.</p><p class="MsoNormal">To be clear, when going hard, I wasn’t the guy who abandoned by family and friends. I did not steal my time from their time. I stole it from my own, which mostly just made me tired all the time, since I was staying up way too late and getting up a little too early.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But the two lessons I learned were mainly about luck.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I was luckier than some. I had a few indie movies made from my scripts. Some people write for decades and never even get that.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I got to freelance write as my actual job, even it was short-lived. Very few people can say that.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And I had a bestselling Kindle novel and sold thousands of books. Again, not many people can say these things.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But each ladder of success has a gap, and getting across it, to the land where your hobby becomes your actual job for years, decades, or a lifetime? That’s just blind luck. The right project in the right hands at the right time.</p><p class="MsoNormal">And that didn’t happen.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Collectively, I spent somewhere between five and six years going full-tilt, and today… I still have a day job. Because I need money. And insurance. And assurance that I’m not going to watch my savings drain while I wait to sell something else.</p><p class="MsoNormal">On the other side of the equation: Sometimes going hard for a few years can have real benefits. The people getting a new degree, for example, or learning a new, practical skill. All the writing I did has gotten me into other, much more steady, writing opportunities.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So was it all worth it?</p><p class="MsoNormal">In my case, maybe. I basically gave myself a variety of college courses on different types of writing, and made a little money doing it. And at this point, I’ve been writing professionally for more than 20 years, and had some form of writing be the ONLY thing I’m doing for work for more than 10.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But my suspicion is that if I kept my writing to an hour or two a night I might still be writing screenplays, or novels, or articles, or something, and not have burned out. Moreover, if I had done the slow-and-steady thing, I might have accomplished at least a few of the projects I’ve started in the last 10 years instead of abandoning them because I wasn’t able to make the pages pile up as quickly as in the old days.</p>Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-43239002735378952482017-05-04T09:43:00.002-07:002017-05-04T09:43:30.539-07:00Gilmore Girls: The Final Four
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Endings are tricky.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a writer who has written The End on a number of scripts
and novels, I recognize this.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a viewer, I’ve come to realize that sometimes perfect
endings sometimes don’t have a whole lot to do with the middle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Vampire Diaries ended this year, and while the final season
had its up and downs, the last two thirds of the final episode came together
perfectly.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you’d been watching the show
since day one, it was essentially 40 minutes of ugly crying, minus the
commercials.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which brings me around to Gilmore Girls.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which… let’s just say things got complicated.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you’re a fan of Gilmore Girls, you know the story
already, but if not, in brief.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show
had a very particular creator, who finessed every word of every script, even if
she didn’t take a writing credit.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy
Sherman-Palladino was Gilmore Girls and Gilmore Girls was her.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show ran for six seasons, and then Amy got into an
argument about the show with Warner Brothers, and then she was off the show.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not going to go into he-said/she-said on
this one, because it wasn’t really all that important.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, the show carried on for another season, starring
all the same people but written NOT by Amy Sherman-Palladino, and while some
fans hated it, I still don’t feel it was that much off-brand from the original
flavor.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show had an odd problem
where the first time an established character showed up they would feel a
little off – not written quite right – but by the next episode the kinks were
worked out and the show was cruising along just fine.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And it all came together nicely in the last episode – even people
who didn’t care for season seven will often cop to the act that the show ended
more or less perfectly.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But!</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s where it
gets weird.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amy Sherman-Palladino had said she always knew the last four
words of the show, and she was not shy about reminding people about this over
the years.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a world without Netflix and streaming and shows long
thought concluded suddenly coming back, I was kind of hoping that Amy would
include that final exchange in her memoirs, or maybe in some interview or
another 20 years after the show concluded.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, she got four movie-long episodes to end the show
the way she wanted to end the show.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And as it turns out… </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, okay, I’ll talk about the four words in a second, and
I’ll be honest.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was happy the show was
coming back, but only to a certain extent.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I seem to be the only one that noticed, but a LOT of cult TV has been
returning in various forms and formats these last ten or fifteen years, and so
far?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No one has been happy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The return of Arrested Development?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fans just thought it was okay.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Firefly, Buffy, and Angel back in comic book form?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Somewhere between “good” and “awful,” with
almost no one thinking it was great.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Veronica Mars movie?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, okay, that one I really liked, along with the first book.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The second one, however, went way off the
rails in the last thirty pages or so.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I’m being truthful, I can’t think of a single reboot or
return that’s really been embraced, even by the most ardent fans.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The new MST3K episodes seem to be coming
closest to hitting the mark.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Doctor Who
went from being a well-loved cult show to being an actual hit.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In both those cases, come to think of it, the return of the
show brought almost an entirely new cast and let them do their own thing.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That may be the difference.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I sat down to watch 4 90 minute episodes of Gilmore.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was already a little behind, as I was off
visiting family over Thanksgiving weekend and binge-watching was out of the
question.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Shortly thereafter, I sat down to watch the new Amy
Sherman-Palladino created season, and…</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">my wife hated it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hated.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t agree, but I saw her point.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rory had started off as smart and funny and
loveable on the show, and then gone down a bit of a rabbit hole, mostly due to the
character of Logan.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every TV show, if it’s on long enough, will have one terrible
character, and Logan was it on Gilmore.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He could sometimes be funny, and the actor was fine, but his character
arc was mostly that he was reach and that he found Rory attractive.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He made problems vanish with a money hose,
and honestly, when he and Rory broke up, I was happy that he was gone.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Except now he’s back, and he somehow manages to be worse,
because he still makes problems vanish with a money hose, but he’s also having
a thing with Rory despite the fact that he’s engage for literally the entire
series.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that never stops.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He just cheats relentlessly on his fiancé and there’s never a moment where
he realizes that’s wrong.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, he
sprays his money hose, and then sprays it more, and instead of growing or
changing or realizing he’s giving up what he actually wants, his story just
kind of ends because Rory steps out of it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And Rory breaking up with him, or at least pretending to, is
pretty much her only character growth, and honestly, it’s a super, super, super
low bar.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She spends the entire new
series looking for a job, eventually getting a non-paying job as the editor of
the town paper.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She keeps claiming that
she’s broke and couch-surfing, but she spends most of the series hopping on
planes and flying across the ocean on a whim.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I suppose we can assume that’s Logan’s money hose?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it’s never addressed.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As for Lorelai, she spends the entire time trying to do… something?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actually, she doesn’t really do
anything.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She’s living with Luke, and her
inn is too small, and she doesn’t really want to change any of that, until she
does, and then they get married and she plans on buying a larger inn.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I suppose it’s worth talking about Emily, who spends
three episodes walking around in a daze trying to figure out what to do now
that her husband has passed away.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She
comes off the best, I think, simply because she exhibits actual growth, and I
shudder to think what her storyline would have been had the actor who plays her
husband not passed away.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But like I said, this is about endings.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Talking about The Vampire Diaries, I had to cop to the last
40 minutes of the final episode being great, but the season before it being
weak.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And this “season” of the Gilmore Girls suffers in nearly the
exact same way.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know that I agree totally with my wife, as I thought
there was some funny stuff in the first episode.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It works, mostly, because it signals the return
of the town that you know and love, and you can kind of tolerate Rory being
awful.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But then it just keeps going in that vein for two more
episodes.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rory is lost, and doesn’t know
what to do until her ex-boyfriend tells her to write a book.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lorelai somehow manages to fill her life with drama even
though she actually has everything she ever wanted.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a parent, I could see where she might be
worried about her kid being adrift so late in life, but her drama feels
manufactured in order to get to a happy ending.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But again: The show can be funny.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s a segment about Stars Hollow: The
Musical, that is totally worth the twenty minute detour.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The rhythms of the show </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">don’t
crackle as perfectly as they once did, but they get close a few times.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so ultimately, it all hinges on the final episode.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The truth is: It isn’t a perfect ninety minutes.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because first they have to play out all the
silliness from the last three episodes.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But once the throat is cleared, the show finally, finally,
finally offers up all the feels it should have been offering from the word go.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lorelai and her mom finally reconcile, in a monologue that’s
perfectly written and perfectly executed.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Emily finally figures out how to move on from the death of her
husband.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s a big wedding, the one
that should have happened years ago, and Amy Sherman-Palladino proves that she
really does know how to bring all the feels.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then those final four words.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the big reveal?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, I joked before the revival ever hit Netflix that the final
four words would be, “Let’s call her Lorelai,” my implication being that Rory
was pregnant, it was a girl, and yeah, they would name it after her mother and
herself.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I nailed it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Go,
me.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actually, she just said “I’m pregnant,” and I guess to some
extent I understand was Amy Sherman-Palladino was going for.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It takes the series more or less full-circle,
as it has always been about moms and daughters.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What does it really mean, though?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It means that Rory’s storyline comes and goes in the same
way: She went from being a little wunderkind with love and goodness in her
heart to being terrible, and then she stays terrible.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lorelai at least has an arch, where she starts off unsure
and confused and then makes some decisions that I guess are good.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And we got some nice speeches and a good cry
out of it, so there’s that.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And man, but Emily was perfect.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything about it was perfect.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s been some yammering about bringing the Girls back
for another go-around, since the end of the show actually sounds like a bit of
a cliffhanger, and I’ll admit if it happens I’ll watch it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A lot of the pointless angst of the show has
been cleared out now, and they could actually move forward and make the show
more like it was in the beginning – fun people bouncing off each other.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the end, I remain torn about the return of the show.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of the six hours, I probably only really
loved 90-100 minutes, and not all of that was from the same episodes.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">With a little work, the whole thing could
have been a lovely 2 hour movie that wrapped up what needed to be wrapped up,
gave us the final four words, and sent the series out on a high note.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As it is, I expect that in the future, people will mostly
debate about whether the seventh season of the show was the worst, or the eighth.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Am I glad I saw it?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sure.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I got the closure I wanted,
though the mystery of the ending was ruined by the internet before I could find
the time to see it for myself.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yeah, I did get emotional in the final hour, so there’s
that.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, thanks everyone for coming back and saying goodbye.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But one return was plenty.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-12423279869443774892017-01-04T16:50:00.000-08:002017-01-04T16:50:10.811-08:00Prince and Me and Death
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I got into Prince just as everyone else was exiting the
Prince train.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was 1990, Graffiti Bridge was in theaters, where it was
crashing and burning like no one’s business, despite the fact that it was a
sequel to the very, very successful Purple Rain.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My world had changed a little bit since Purple Rain.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean, it came out when I was eight.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I knew the song When Doves Cry because even
if I didn’t consume much in the way of pop culture, it was hard to miss.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And also my older, female cousins were obsessed
with the song.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I spent a long summer
afternoon watching them listen to it over and over at a family reunion, trying
to choreograph some kind of dance routine to it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Except neither of them had taken any kind of dance
lessons.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or had a natural gift for
choreography.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I recall they came up
with about three moves they thought were cool, and repeated them pretty much
endlessly.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The song didn’t really register with me that much.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My parents rarely listened to the radio, and
I didn’t have one of my own.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My music
was whatever they were listening to.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then in 1988, I turned 12, and my dad thought it was time I
had a stereo receiver.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had wanted
LEGO, but really, that was because I was between ages.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you’re 12, you can’t figure out if it’s
still okay to Trick or Treat.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You are
beginning to get the concept of being attracted to people but the idea of
dating, or being in a relationship is still tangled up with the idea of being
in elementary school and playing house, or dress-up, or imagination games where
you run around with a plastic gun and pretend you’re Han Solo.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In 1989 Batman happened.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really loved Batman, though I couldn’t tell you why.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wasn’t really a superhero kind of kid.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t read that many comics or watch a lot
of superhero TV shows.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had liked
Superman when I was younger, because I liked the movie, but for some reason, I
just had to see Batman.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every kid did, I think.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I loved it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I needed
a Batman T-shirt.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I needed to own it on
video.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I needed the Batman
Soundtracks.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Both of them.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The one by Danny Elfman, which had amazing
theme music I fell in love with and then started collecting Elfman film music,
and then the music by Oingo Boingo, the band he wrote all the songs for.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I needed… well, I needed Batdance, I guess.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean, I guess I could pretend I needed
Partyman, but really, Batdance was the huge hit song/noise compilation, and I
needed that.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The thing is, I liked that record.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">People try to put it down as a non-Prince
Prince record, but that’s unfair.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, Prince put out 39 records.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m willing to wager that zero people love
all of them.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They may like most of them,
they may dig a song or two off each, but there’s literally no way they love
every one of those records, back to front.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If that person exists, I have not met them.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I’ll come back to that.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was trying to get back to Graffiti Bridge, which is where
I started.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">By then I had a radio I
listened to much of the time.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had
Batman, my first Prince record, but the thing of it was, I liked Batman.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not Prince.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the time I had a sense that Prince was, you know, not
really for kids.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or maybe I just didn’t
really feel compelled to pick up his records at the library, as they often
featured Prince in, like, his underwear. Or less than his underwear.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean, don’t get me wrong.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would have skipped over most records featuring ANYONE in their
underwear at that point.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because I was
12.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Or 13.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You understand.)</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Carrying around a picture of someone in their
underwear in a public place was not an easy thing to do.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then Thieves in the Temple came out.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes a song just
hits you.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That one hit me.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure why.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wasn’t in the middle of a bad breakup or
anything.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just loved it, because it
was a great groove, and had a million fiddly bits (all those background
vocals!) and… I don’t know.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just loved
it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I got it from the library, and listened to it over and over
and over.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not just the song, the record.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then… something sunk in.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I needed more.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I love Graffiti
Bridge.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are people who hate songs
on it, like the title track, but they are wrong and bad.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a great record.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All of it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was the record that made me want more.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went back to the library and got Purple
Rain, which is, of course, a perfect record that everyone can agree on.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s not a note out of place.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I immediately discovered I was a Prince fan unstuck in
time.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">People liked Thieves in the Temple, but they didn’t love
it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not like I did.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Graffiti Bridge was not a touchstone for pop
culture.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was an odds-and-sods
collection of Prince songs, recorded by a bunch of different people, from a
movie that not only failed, but was roundly considered a joke.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And no one wanted to talk about Purple Rain, either.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That time had come and gone, and I had been
eight and no one cared anymore.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Diamonds and Pearls came out.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was in high school.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The singles did well, and the album wasn’t
bad.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was learning about being a music
critic.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But even then, I knew I didn’t
understand the context into which Prince was emerging.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I loved Graffiti Bridge and Purple Rain, but
my local library was missing most of Prince’s other records.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince had a new band, but I barely understood his old
one.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How they kind of came together on
1999.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How they fell apart later.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had a job by then, though, so I scrounged the money
together to buy Diamonds and Pearls.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
wanted to love it, and didn’t, and put Bridge and Rain back into my
semi-permanent musical rotation.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Diamonds
sat.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Love Symbol record came out, and things got… really
weird.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let down by Diamonds, I didn’t
buy it right away.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A friend of mine at
work, an older guy who seemed to have all the money in the world, who bought
records every week… he loaned it to me.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I listened to it twice.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was, and is, a mess.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Many great songs, which were supposed to be a cohesive whole, but
aren’t, really.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Parts of the connective
tissue, the narrative “stuff” was removed to add in other songs, and so the
story doesn’t really make sense.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend didn’t dig the record, and sold it to me for ten
bucks.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I kept listening.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt like there was something there I was
missing.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I eventually realized that, yeah, the narrative was missing,
but what I was listening for was a series of great pop songs, and instead I
got… some other stuff.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A Lounge Lizard
style track.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Odd religious songs that
weren’t quite church ready and weren’t quite pop radio ready.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a song where the big hit single was about
Revelation.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kind of.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was the first case, I think, where I learned to love a
Prince record, instead of just loving it right away.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And for just a second, when 7 was, like, a
thing, I was allowed to be excited about Prince again.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I soon learned that, well, I could be excited about 7,
but that was about it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince changed his name to a symbol.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">People didn’t want to talk about the
record.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They wanted to talk about that.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I met a Prince fan, which was almost never, they were
not a Prince fan.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were a Purple
Rain fan.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Hits/The B Sides came out.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was getting to be a better critic (for a
high school kid, anyway), but I claimed that the hits were less important than
the B sides, and failed to back that up as well as I could have in print.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today I can back it up, I think, because The Hits mostly
featured the shortened, “single” versions of the hit songs.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some of them are… not improvements, but they
turn epic funk tunes into pop singles, and in some ways that’s good.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it also took When Doves Cry and chopped it off just as
the song is about to build to a literally perfect climax.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a genuine shame.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The B sides, on the other hand, are mostly almost-lost
gems.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remain angry today that they
haven’t been remixed and remastered, because most of them sound terrible.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">These are songs that Prince almost threw
away, and many of them could easily be massive hits.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have no idea how Another Lonely Christmas
hasn’t managed to slither its way into the occasional Christmas playlist.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That collection was, sadly, the last time Prince really felt
relevant.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The last time you could walk
into a crowd of music lovers and ask if they’d heard the new Prince.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That was more than 20 years ago.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I need to pause here.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t get to be a hipster very often.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Almost never, really.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For the most part, I find it ridiculous when
someone gets upset at first because no one knows about their obscure indie
band, and then they get even more angry when that little band suddenly gains
some pop culture traction.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it reminded me, a bit, of how I felt at that family
reunion I was talking about earlier.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
was too young to hang with the adults.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The girl cousins were just a little too old to be able to relate to
me.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The boy cousins were a little too
young.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I watched from the sidelines.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As high school was drawing to a close, I was coming to see
Prince as a musical artist that was, perhaps, just for me.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then the Internet happened.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or rather, America On Line.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dad had some small number of minutes every month, and he
let me use some of them, under my own screen name.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And here, finally, were the Prince fans who
weren’t near me.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But they weren’t talking about his most recent records,
either.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were making (to me) obscure
references to his 1970s work.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were
comparing concerts they had been to.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were talking about bootlegs.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which I guess brings me to the vault, and to the hipster
factor.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When Prince died, there were two things that seemed to
happen.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was the outpouring of
sadness from casual fans, which all seemed to start and stop at Purple Rain – a
record and film that was 32 years old.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And why not?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a
Prince touchstone.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">An inarguable classic
of a record.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">(The film itself is… well,
let’s say it has its flaws.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I finally
saw it in college, removed from years of hype.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince onstage was electric.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The
concert footage may have been staged, but it still “got” Prince.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But a lot of the movie featured non-actors
acting, and while they weren’t MST3K level bad, there’s a reason most them
haven’t gone on to storied acting careers.)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then there was the cry – people wondering just what,
exactly, was going to come out of the famed Prince vault.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that’s where I kind of lost it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t think I went full hipster, but I could feel it
rising.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because… well, mostly just because, but really because so
much had already come out of the vault, and people roundly chose to ignore it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In 1992 and 1993, I was trying to follow along in the
bootleg conversations, and so, to some extent, was Prince.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He got out of his label contract and released a 3 CD
collection – all new Prince music, and lots of it!</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And it sold well, but mostly it “sold” two
million copies because a 3 CD set is considered three records.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This means he probably sold a little over 500,000 records –
or rather, he tumbled over the “Gold” line, not the double platinum line.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then the vault cracked open.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He finally released The Black Album, one of the most
bootlegged records of all time.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had a
copy, because I was a fan trying to fit in, and I bought a “real” copy just to
same.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But all of the real fans didn’t,
and it sank and vanished.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He put out Crystal Ball, a 5(!) CD set of lost vault
material.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It sank like a stone.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Later he put out Old Friends 4 Sale, a collection of even
more vault material.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sank like a
boulder.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chaos and Disorder was a tossed-off record consisting of
songs he wouldn’t have otherwise released, just to get out of his contract.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sank like a brick.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It
didn’t help that, at least to my ears, there wasn’t much to recommend it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in the middle of all that vault material?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Gold Experience.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What a stellar record, and I mean that with all my heart.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Catchy, funky, fun, a little saucy, a little
feminist.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I dug his “real” record before that, Come, but it was
honestly a little too out there to make it on mainstream radio.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If what I’ve read is correct, all the things
that could have been hits ended up on The Gold Experience.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It felt like it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I suspect that Gold didn’t do better because it was delayed
a bunch of times.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The biggest hit off
the record was The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, which was in equal measure
a lovely song and a piece of processed cheese.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If The Gold Experience had followed it up a month or two later, perhaps
it would have shot to the top of the charts.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, Gold came out two YEARS later.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And instead of Now or Endorphinmachine, two
fun, funky, smash hits in the making… they tossed out a ballad as a single.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I still love that record.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I used to convert friends to fandom with it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d loan it to them, and they’d stare at me
in awe… it was like they had forgotten Prince had ever existed, and here he was
with a totally stunningly fun record.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In
1995?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who knew?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then it got weird. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then Prince created the NPG music club, promising to send
fans records if they’d just give him money every month.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was a broke college student.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I knew that Prince didn’t always follow
through on his projects.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And at the time,
I had decided I refused to have a credit card on my person, as it seemed to
lead to trouble for every single college student I knew.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I missed some records.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I bought some oddball records he put out other ways.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like The Rainbow Children, was supposed to be
about how he was a Jehovah’s Witness now, or something.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was some good stuff on it, but I
couldn’t love it like Gold.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then… then records kept coming out.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And critics were weird about it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s a great old VH1 special about Weird Al Yankovic,
where he opines that even though he put out a record every two years at the
time, people always seemed a little amazed he was still around, as if it had
been decades.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s what was going on with Prince.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He would release a record, and critics would
go crazy trying to convince themselves that Prince was back, baby!</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This was the one with the hits, the one that
would get his name out there again, would put him back and the charts.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And sometimes they did.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you could buy them.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">More often, they didn’t.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or you couldn’t get a copy.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or… well, let’s look at the releases, year over year:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic – has a couple of great possible
singles (and a hilarious coda of a song) but to me, it felt like it was trying
too hard, pulling songs and artists from the current mainstream and sticking
them on the record.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince was not leading
the charge on this one, he was following, and I felt it keenly.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He had decided to prove himself and the whole
thing felt forced.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Rainbow Children – This was the Jehovah’s Witness
record, a collection of songs beloved by some and, in my case, mostly just
forgotten.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Little of it registered with
me.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe I’d like it more today.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve since read he didn’t even want to publicize that this
record was out.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Given its sales, that
choice seems to be not great.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One Nite Alone...</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">–
Finally we get a full live recording… and it’s mostly stuff from The Rainbow
Children.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I couldn’t justify the cost of
an expensive box set.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Xpectation – Released only to people in his record
club.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I still haven’t heard it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">N.E.W.S – Four instrumental tracks, I was amazed to find
this one in an actual record store and bought it on sight.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I listened to it once and almost forgot it
existed.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was nothing there to
cling to, musically.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Musicology – Prince attempts another comeback.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This was where I was ready to check out.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wasn’t going to bother picking up a copy,
but some of them contained a so-called Golden Ticket to see Prince’s house and
studio, Paisley Park.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did not get a ticket. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Chocolate Invasion – People putting money into his bank
accounts every year got this.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Never
heard it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Slaughterhouse – Yet another almost unknown
release.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How many people own a copy of
this, I wonder?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is it in the six digits?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">3121 – Prince attempts a comeback record… again.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The critics were crazy for this one.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This one, they swore, was Prince back doing
what he did best.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I listened to it at
the time and didn’t hear it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After his
death, I pulled it out again.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince records live and die by their singles, I think, and
3121 contained a lot of good material and a few songs that whiffed.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The single was a whiff.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t prove that another song might have saved the record,
but that one did it no favors.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Beautiful, Loved, and Blessed is gorgeous, though.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s worth a listen just for that track.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Planet Earth – released for free in the UK.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Barely released in the states.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I listened to it twice.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The record is a mystery to me today.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can recall the opening lick of the opening
song, and nothing else.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lotusflow3r / MPLSound (released as a 3-CD set together with
Elixer by Bria Valente) - In which Prince offers three records for the price of
one.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A couple of critics I read on a
regular basis talked about the return of the Prince sound.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inasmuch as he pulled out his old drum machines, they were
right.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inasmuch as he created memorable
songs, they were wrong.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really enjoyed this one for about two weeks after it came
out, but I came to like it less and less the more I listened to it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">20Ten – released for free in the UK, and never in the
US.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After being burned again and again
by releases I had paid 10-15 bucks for, I couldn’t justify coughing up thirty
or forty for what was sure to be a disappointment.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Things got quiet for a while.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince stopped releasing records for four
years, and in a lot of ways it felt like a relief to me.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The open question was, in a way, did I want more Prince
music?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For that matter, did the world
NEED more Prince music?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just perusing
the list above, I can find five records I didn’t own and wasn’t willing to
spend the time scouring the earth for.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When Prince died, no one dug one of them up and declared them a lost
classic.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even the record I could have gotten my hands on easily, by
shipping $40 off to the UK to acquire something someone got there for free in a
newspaper… I couldn’t be bothered.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
just doubted there was $40 worth of happiness to be heard.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For that matter, he still had some early so-called classic
records I’d never bothered to buy.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why
would I blow hundreds of dollars on a live record with mostly songs I didn’t
find that interesting in the first place, when I had never even heard most of
his early output, and could get it for five or ten bucks?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At that point, Prince had spent decades cranking out
material, sometimes looking to craft hits, sometimes seemingly just putting out
records just to put them out.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On a more pragmatic level, it was hard to miss the guy
because he never seemed to go away.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So yeah.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Four
years.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No records.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve talked about how Prince seemed to stage a comeback
every few years.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How the critics would
get amped all over again, ready to talk about a return to form.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even Prince seemed to want to come back in a big way,
releasing two records on the same day – the kind of thing not usually an option
for a guy whose sales had slacked off so significantly.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But those four years did build a little excitement.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He had a new band, made up entirely of women
who absolutely knew how to play.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He got
out there and did interviews.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The
headline was supposed to be that Prince was back.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And from that, we got:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Plectrumelectrum – a record Prince didn’t even put his name
on, just that of his new band.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was…
it was a group of really talented musicians playing songs I could barely
remember just after listening to it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I won’t argue that Prince put his B material on this record,
and his A material on the other.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d be
more inclined to say that Prince just plain produced less A material by then.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Art Official Age – That same A material issue is here as
well.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can at least hum a couple of songs
off of the record, but to have a real comeback I think Prince needed a flat-out
killer single, and Prince didn’t create one for this record.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He instead created a strange little concept album, similar
to some of his past concept albums.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The
record hangs together, and got a lot more listens from me than the other record
he released the same day.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That said, it was not a comeback record.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A year went by, and then, big news, Prince decided to throw
some more material out and see what sticks… and that helped, in a way.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">HITnRUN Phase One – This one still had a bit of heat on
it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince actually brought in another
producer for the first time in long time, and tried to make a record with
modern sounds on it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean, he tried.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But
the modern sounds angle didn’t really work.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He instead ended up with an odd little stripped-down thing that often
sounded like un-fleshed out demos.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That said, it was the first Prince record in a long time
that I really, truly, enjoyed.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">More than any other record in recent memory, I could
actually RECALL the songs.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My kid would
sing along.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would sing along.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And with a touch of trimming, I totally think 1000 X's &
O's could have been a hit single.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe
not a huge one, but it certainly could have wandered the R and B charts for a
while, and that would have been nice.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">HITnRUN Phase Two – This one was released right on the heels
of part 1, but wasn’t put out in a physical edition for months, which made me
insane.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In fact, the actual physical version came out the week he
died, and no one was carrying it, because, who knew?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I had to order it from Amazon instead of
my local record store.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in a lot of ways, it was a fitting cap on the story of
Prince.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In particular, it dragged a
long-lost classic (Xtraloveable) into the light and finally put it out for all
to hear.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And since I was on Amazon, I coughed up a bunch of money and
filled in all the Prince gaps I could in my collection.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There were a LOT of them, and some still
remain.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few because there’s no real
way to get my hands on them.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few
because now out-of-print records were suddenly worth much, much, much more
money.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I couldn’t justify buying a couple of records I didn’t
like that much in the first place.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I started this essay months ago now, opening it, updating
it, forgetting about it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Writing huge
chunks and then tucking the essay away again for weeks at a time.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I started, I thought I knew where I was
going.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I don’t.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I listened to those early records when they arrived.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had wanted to spread them out, maybe listen
to one a week.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But instead, I’d listen
to each one for a day or two, then move on to the next. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always restless.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always wondering what else I missed, or was
missing.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s the issue, I guess.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The most common number of records I heard associated with
Prince with 39.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That did not include all
the lost songs tucked into various singles.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It did not include the dozens (hundreds?) of songs he gave to other
artists.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It doesn’t include lost cover versions, concerts, or the
hundreds of songs left in the vault.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would argue that I kept buying Prince records because,
even if I didn’t love what came out, I had to know what else was there.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you’re a kid, you pull pop culture in on yourself.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Those songs are about you.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You love them harder than you’re ever able to
love them as an adult.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They speak to
you.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes, they speak FOR you.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I came out of my teen years with three major musical loves
and influences: Frank Zappa, Oingo Boingo/Danny Elfman, and Prince.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince was the one who survived.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Frank Zappa was dead by the time I was out of high
school.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to dig into his music, to
hunt, to search, to find more, but in the end, the music out there was more or
less finite.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes, his family kept
releasing records, but they weren’t Frank records anymore.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not really.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were expansions and odds and sods.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were no longer musical statements, and while they interested me to
a certain extent, I knew I could never justify buying them because I couldn’t
really love them.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oingo Boingo disbanded when I was in college, recording
their last few shows and releasing a double live album that I just loved.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I literally own everything they put out,
including weird little rare things that are impossible to find.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the band is gone now.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And Danny Elfman, who I loved and collected for a long time,
well… I don’t know, really.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He used to
create amazing themes that I could listen to forever.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But as he got older, and got “better” at his
job, his scores became less memorable to me, and more auditory wallpaper.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To this day, I can sing large chunks of the
music to the early Pee-Wee Herman movies.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I remember listening to The Hulk and remembering nothing
at all.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think the last score of his I
got was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, because I really liked the
songs.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Apparently, I was the only one.)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince was still out there, though.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still slugging away.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">While I didn’t have a ton of love for his new records after
a while, there was great stuff there sometimes.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He gave me hope.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2016 was a rough year, with a lot of artists I enjoyed
taking their final bow.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince died a
few months before I turned 40, and the records he was going to release, the way
he wanted to, came to a sudden halt with his death.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Honestly, I was even more saddened to learn that he had
started writing his memoirs.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m sure he
had 100 stories, sharpened to a fine point from telling and retelling them, and
now those stories are gone, along with the man.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I type this, I’m realizing only a handful of artists I’ve
really loved are still putting out records on anything resembling a regular
basis.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean, I may enjoy Adele, but
I’m not waiting for the next thing, cash in hand.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At this point, it’s down to Ben Folds and Aimee Mann, both
of whom are still out and working, but who seem less and less interested in
creating their next record.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I suppose that’s the other thing.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So few artists ever create a career that
really lasts.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you think about an
Elton John (almost fifty years) or a Prince (almost 40), and then think about
the musical artists of today, can you actually see them releasing something new
thirty years from now?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or twenty?</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or ten?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince is gone. The last band/artist I carried from my
teenage days is no longer a musical force.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He sold a lot of records after his death, but he still didn’t manage the
comeback that he clearly wanted.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He
isn’t going to climb to the top one last time.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bowie ended his career on his own terms, with a record that
was well-reviewed both before and after his death.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince’s last record was barely reviewed at
all, and his old label spit out a fresh best-of with one lost track just in
time for the Christmas season.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even that was hard to look at, the last major single rolling
all the way back to my high school days.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Zappa knew he was almost done, and put out a couple of
records that nicely capped his career.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oingo Boingo did a few more shows and put out a final live
album just for the fans.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But Prince didn’t know the end was coming.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">His final record, in some ways, felt like a
cap, but it wasn’t one.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prince didn’t go
out on his own terms.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s what’s going to haunt me in the coming years.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We’re never really promised tomorrow.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We do not always get to write our own ending.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes we just go, and the shock never erodes.</span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-49037170881710558342016-03-18T22:46:00.002-07:002016-03-18T22:46:54.405-07:00American Idol - The Final Season
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back when I was in college, some major local store spent a
month or two going out of business.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first week, everything was 50% off. The next week, 60%. The next week, 70%.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so on.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The point, of course, was that everything must go – the day
the store closed its doors everything had to be sold or trashed, and it was
better to get some money than no money.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m making up most of the details, by the way, because I was
away at college. But my parents would
email me every week, talking about how the prices kept dropping and how the
store kept getting more and more empty, but every week they’d go back and see
just how much cheaper certain things were.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By the end, they were buying movies for a dollar or two
because they had wanted to see them and it was cheaper than renting. That was, in fact, how I ended up finally
getting a copy of Purple Rain and seeing it for the first and last time.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s kind of how Idol feels right now.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh, they talk a good game, I guess, with Jennifer going on
and on about how she’s sad it’s the last season, and how no other show has
produced so many stars and/or hit records.
</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which is true, or was at one time.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, the last three years have been a near-complete
bust. Two of the last three had records
which barely charted or sold. And the
last one? We’ve got three weeks left of
Idol, and his record isn’t out.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He instead released one fresh single, which, um… wasn’t
great. And didn’t chart.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They’re not even talking about an Idol tour for next year,
after last year went from the top ten to the top five only. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the fact that last year’s winner doesn’t have an album
out yet means this year’s winner probably shouldn’t be holding their breath.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which is to say, it’s the last year, and everything must go.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cheap.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve started writing about the show this year a couple of
times now, but I’ve been busy, my blog has been neglected, and honestly I’m
waking up every morning and while I wasn’t hugely invested in the winners,
well, this year the show isn’t even very invested.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That said, it’s the last Idol season ever (until they bring
it back in five years in a desperate attempt to get solid ratings for ANYTHING
on Fox), so I feel like I should at last take a stab at the top five, and see
if I can guess who goes out when.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In previous years, I always stated that I would get within
two places for going out, and then I would always a) miss one person who would
do a massive climb even though they were terrible, and b) would whiff the
actual winner, usually putting them somewhere in the middle of the pack.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is because American and I like different things, for
the most part.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, from bottom to top:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sonika: She has a great voice, but she got a save twice in a
season where there were “no” saves, and now she can’t be protected. She’s got a great voice, but her stage
presence needs honing.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dalton: I really like Dalton as a person. First, for putting his bipolar status out
there. Mental illness is still pretty
much the silent disease in this country, and putting it out there into the
world will surely help someone who thinks she’s great and will finally have
someone to identify with. I hope he and
Demi Lovato had a nice chat last week.
But his voice isn’t the best on the stage and his showmanship can really
vary when he gets outside his wheelhouse.
I wish him so much luck.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">MacKenzie: I really
liked his original song, and he owns the stage.
But the sensitive singer/songwriter doesn’t really win this
competition. Alex Preston (who just
released a fantastic record last July) went out third. So will this guy.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Trent: Great
voice. Amazing stage presence. Any other year, I’d think he could take it,
and really, I think he still could, because the voters can be stunningly
fickle. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">La’Porsha: Every
performance of hers has been nothing less than stunning. She deserves to win. And get a great record deal. And become a huge star. And she has the cutest baby. But as I said, everything must go.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In reality, there’s always one bad vote every year, and with
no saves, someone else could take it.
But yeah, she’s eared this one.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-58476185311827363752016-01-22T05:59:00.002-08:002016-01-22T06:00:15.513-08:00In Which I Buy New Music<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">A couple of months ago, a friend of mine was lamenting the
fact that bands don’t use the word monstrosity in songs any more.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I had to think about it.
She was referencing the 80s, because was talking about a local radio
station that was doing a marathon of songs from 1986.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I thought about it for a while, trying to come up with an
80s song that used that word. Finally, I
said, “Um, Bohemian Rhapsody came out in 1975.”</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It was a shot in the dark, but it turns out I was thinking
of the right song. Where things fell
apart was that she didn’t know if the station screwed up, or she remembered the
year incorrectly, or… well, we basically shrugged it off.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It was what she said in light of the discussion that
bothered me – that she didn’t listen to or buy any new music.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And I sighed, and realized that, yes, I am getting to that
age where there is a definite dividing line between “our” music and “their”
music. People my age are writing
articles and posting memes about how modern music is too musically simple, and
too lyrically dumb, and why can’t we have musical artists that are as talented
and smart as when WE were kids.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Of course, maybe six months ago I read that people pretty
much give up on new music starting around age 32 or 33.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’m 39. That freaks
me right out.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I debated going off on a long-ish rant about how people my
age need to at least try out some new music from time to time, but I can’t say
that it felt like it would be worth it.
If my friend wants to be trapped in 1986, where the New Kids on the
Block are about to come to prominence, well, that’s her right.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I think it just saddens me, because there are literally
dozens of records coming out every week.
And while I don’t pick up something new all THAT often, over the last
few months I’ve picked up no less than 12 albums. That might be a record for such a short
period of time.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And you know what? I
really liked some of them. And was not
very wowed by some of them.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So – capsule reviews!</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Pentatonix – Pentatonix:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">There’s a rant to be written about multiple versions of the
same record coming out. With this one,
there was the regular edition, a deluxe edition, and a Target edition that had
three extra songs.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">ARGH.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Don’t do that, folks.
If you want to cram some songs on there as a bonus, note them as bonus
songs. That’s fine. But hopping from store to store to store to
get a handful of extra songs… it’s maddening.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But in this case, it’s almost worth it. Pentatonix has put out three pop music EPS, a
Christmas EP, and a Christmas record.
This one was “the big one” because it was going to be ALL original
songs. Unless you get the extended
version, because there are extra covers on there, and… you know what?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It’s a great record.
The gang got together with a handful of accomplished songwriters and
made a fun pop record that uses five voices to sound like what’s on the radio
today. Back when they won The Sing-Off,
one of the judges said he felt these guys were sent back from the future to
save A Cappella.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And this year, they had the number one record in the country
for a week. It’s a well eared
accomplishment. All I hope is that they
take all future records as seriously as this one. There are no bad songs, so weak
arrangements. It’s fun and impressive
from end-to-end.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">How good is it?
Kirstie Maldonado, the sole female in the group, often regulated to
background vocals and a verse here and there?
She writes and sings and just SLAYS a little R and B number called
Water. She’s been in the background so
long I’ve kind of taken her for granted, and this is me saying I was wrong.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I want a whole record like that someday. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Ultimately, it’s a dance/pop record, designed to recreate
the forms and fashions of what’s on the radio today. That might not be your kind of thing. But they’re well worth a listen for the level
of singing talent alone.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Prince - HITnRUN phase one</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Much was made of this record because Prince shared producing
duties. It would seem that he, like
Pentatonix, wants to sound like the radio today.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Reviews were… interesting, basically saying Prince needed
someone he couldn’t push around to really make the experiment work.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But truthfully, I realized years ago that there’s not going
to be another great Prince record – or at least not one I love end to end, like
I did Purple Rain, or The Gold Experience.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But there’s still good stuff here. "1000 X's & 0's" is a great
little song, for example. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But I once heard Prince say he wrote a song every day. And this felt like he took a random sampling
and put it out there. There’s nothing
bad here, but nothing that makes me excited for what comes next.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But I’ve felt that way for something like two decades now. So that’s on me. (Side note: I started writing this before
Phase 2 came out. I still haven’t heard
it. But I’m weak, and I’ll probably pick
it up, because Prince. I really wish
that impulse would pay off in a bigger way.)</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Demi Lovato – Confident:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’ll admit – this one actually made me a little sad.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I got Demi’s last record for free, thanks to Google offering
it at no cost, and I really grew to love it. Heart Attack was an awesome vocal
over a solid pop hook. In Case was just
heart-rending.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But Confident… </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It seems there’s this thing where former kiddo pop
princesses suddenly need to prove themselves, and it happens to ALL of
them. In one record, they go from making
fun songs you can sing along to, to dropping F bombs and talking about doing
it, more often than not with someone of the same sex.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I think I’d feel better about it if I really enjoyed
anything on here, but it feels… broken.
Confident, as a song, is fun, but the fake horns don’t really work for
me. Cool for the Summer was a big hit,
but there’s a buildup to the chorus that stops the song dead, and I can’t play
it in front of my kid, which is sad, because she loves Demi.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As for the rest of it?
I spent a week listening to it and sitting here now I can barely recall
any of the songs.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Sorry Demi. Maybe
next time.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Ben Folds – So There</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So There is, now that I think about it, an odd title for a
record with a Piano Concerto on it. It
gives of the air of refusing to grow up, while having music only a grown-up
would want.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And it’s… okay.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I love Ben’s first couple of records, and Rockin’ the
Suburbs, but his work has been hit or miss for me since then. He has a gift for melody, is an amazing
pianist (the concerto really shows this off), but he seems… stuck.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Supposedly a lot of these songs came out of recent breakup,
and, well, he’s DONE that before. This
is a man who’s been married and divorced four times.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I mean, there’s good stuff here. I liked the Concerto, though I question how
often I’ll listen to it. The songs are
mostly pleasant, except when they’re basically a goof.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I dunno. Maybe Ben
has said most of what he’s needed to say?
I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Come to think of it, the last full record of his I really
loved was Lonely Avenue. Maybe he just
needs another collaborator…</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Ed Sheeran – 5</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">A while back, I picked up copies of both of Ed Sheeran’s
records, thanks to various American Idol and Glee and soundtrack work that my
wife and I dug.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And what I learned about Ed is he either write’s an amazing
song you can’t ever forget and can’t not love, or… he writes a song you forget
the second it’s over.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">My wife loved the records, and asked if he had anything
else. I said he had some EPS, but they
were hard to come by and often ran you $25 or more for five or six songs.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So we shrugged it off.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’m guessing Ed or his label realized they were leaving
money on the table, so they put the five EPS into a box, called it 5, and slung
it out into the world.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And I’m glad they did, because there’s some great stuff
here. Songs I Wrote with Amy is an
entire EP of stuff from the team that gave you Thinking Out Loud, the new big
wedding song everyone will be using for the next ten or fifteen years. It’s delightful. The live record is fun. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Some of his better songs pop up on the EPs in earlier
versions, and it’s interesting to hear them stripped down or rearranged. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">If I wasn’t fan, I’m not sure this collection would make me
one. And while I like having the
artwork, putting all the EPs into little sleeves makes listening to them in the
car way more complicated than it needed to be.
I think I’d prefer to have these fives discs on two discs, perhaps with
some liner notes from Ed talking about the process of making them.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But for a fan, they’re well worth a listen.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The Silent War – Introducing</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I was reminded to finish this article by Facebook, which
informed me that this band was putting out their first record TOMORROW.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Introducing was the free online EP they offered for
download. Six songs, four of them fully
produced, and two demo/acoustic numbers, and all of the songs are
delightful. I discovered them months ago
when one of their songs ended up in a movie I was watching and I ended up
spending hours trying to track it down.
It wasn’t available for sale OR for free at the time, which was
maddening.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But, then I got this EP for free, and really, all was
forgiven.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’ve described the band as being The Indigo Girls laced with
80s pop, and I think that best describes their work. Lovely harmonies, bright keyboard work,
catchy melodies, it’s all there.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Honestly, I rate them as my favorite musical discovery of
2015, and I hope their record leads to bigger and better things.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Twenty One Pilots – Twenty One Pilots, Regional at Best,
Vessel, Blurryface</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’m trying to remember the last time I felt compelled to
pick up the entire back catalogue of a band or artist after getting an initial
taste, and it might go back to my college days.
I do recall getting both of the Ben Folds Five records back then. And grabbing everything Elliot Smith had done
up to that point, which ended up being a five record binge.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I first heard of 21P thanks to a friend linking to their
performance of I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You, which is a cute video
that someone with an iPhone and some free time clearly edited together and
turned into a video made of pure fun.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Mostly I thought it was interesting that the lead singer was
holding a ukulele. So I hit up their
YouTube channel and learned they used both the uke and the piano on a regular
basis.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It wasn’t until I picked up their records at the library
that I realized their videos kind of… reduced them.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">21P will, I think, be written off by people who only hear a
couple of their songs as decent pop songsmiths who occasionally tip into the
hipster world by adding ukulele to the mix.
</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In reality, they’re a lot more eclectic than that. The opening song of Blurryface, their most
recent record, starts with heavy dance music drums, has rap verses, and then
adds a piano lick and sung hook that… </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I mean, it wasn’t what I was expecting.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And that sums up the rest of the record nicely. There’s some rapping on there. Tear In My Heart is a wonderful piece of
piano-pounding pop until it moves into an oddball, loping bridge. Songs change time signatures, often at a
whim.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It’s a second-listen record, where it works just a little
better once you know what you’re getting.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">From there, I went backwards. Vessel is more of the same, though the songs
are a little more straightforward here and there. Regional at Best is now out of print, but
pulls it back to songwriting basics even more.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And their debut, Twenty One Pilots, really is their
infancy. The songs are straightforward,
but they also suffer a bit for being too repetitive. They’ll find a lovely musical phrase and
repeat it just a few too many times.
There’s good stuff there, but it isn’t the record I’d start with.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Adele – 25</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’m not sure I could convince anyone to listen to or not
listen to this record. Right now there
are maybe five musical artists in the world who can sell a million records, no
questions asked. If you wanted this, you
already bought it, and if you hate Adele, this will not change your mind.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Me? I like it
fine. But it comes on the heels of 21,
which was, I felt, just about a perfect record, a collection of songs so good
they can just retitle it “The Best of Adele” and call it good.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">25 experiments a bit more with musical textures, but in the
end you’re listening because Adele sounds like she’s willing to scoop her
emotions out of her soul and place them directly in your hear via your eat
canals.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The more I listen to this record, the more I find things to like,
but 21 was pretty much perfect.</span></div>
<br />Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-64519266585056219612015-08-27T22:08:00.003-07:002015-08-27T22:08:38.808-07:00Summertime Is TV Time
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Summer has always been TV catch-up time in our household.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have a handful of summer shows, to be sure, but our big
start-of-summer project is binge-watching all the things we put off during the
year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, hey, here’s the stuff we knocked out over the last two
months.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Parks and Recreation:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We burned this one off in a week, and honestly, I’m
surprised it took that long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s far too rare that a show knows that it’s ending, and
it’s even more rare when they have an entire year to plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Parks knew it’s last season was coming, and
they didn’t have to live in fear of ending halfway through a season, or of
suddenly getting renewed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When they were gone, they were gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so we got what might not have been the BEST season of
Parks, but one that was certainly the most gratifying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even with the short order, we eventually got two seasons of
TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first one was Leslie winning one
more big park.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the show had ended
there, it would have been perfectly lovely and I’m sure that fans of the show
would have been overjoyed to see it happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then came the second half of the season, which a friend of
mine dubbed: Everyone gets what they want.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And it really was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The “second” season was, quite simply, one person after
another wrapping up their bits of business and moving (happily) on to whatever
came next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In certain hands, things like that don’t work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(See: The last season of Glee, where everyone spent the
latter half of the season bouncing around aimlessly and pointlessly, and then
we got the season finale where everything turned out AMAZING for everyone,
ever.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But with Parks… I dunno.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I guess I just wanted these people to be happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is dumb, since they aren’t real people,
but still…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In all seriousness, however, the season worked because it
was earned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while the laughs weren’t
always as big as in previous seasons, we got Leslie and Ron in their own
episode, which deserves about 15 Emmys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And we got a whole show where Chris Pratt got to be completely
ridiculous, and proved why he’s suddenly a massive box-office star who can
carry three giant movies in two years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there are all the flash-forwards in the finale, where we
get to see how awesome everything becomes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Too sappy, probably.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And in years to come I can see people claiming it’s a weak season that
spent too much time making everyone’s lives too perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I don’t care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Community:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Community season six.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, that happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On
Yahoo.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Community has long been a show under the gun, which turned
the last three seasons into… I’m not even sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Something bizarre, that’s for sure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We’ve got the fourth season, where the creator was gone and
the show kinda-sorta carried on and was still funny, but not quite right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was the fifth season, where the creator came back and
two cast members left, and the show once again never quite found its
bearings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was funny, it had some
great episodes, but it was a lesser show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One that spent a lot of time trying to recreate fan-favorite episodes in
a sort of greatest-hits way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then there was the sixth season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where everything really started to crumble.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The problem can be pretty easily summarized in two parts:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, I think they were just out of stories to tell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s not abnormal for a sixth-season show,
really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They tried to do some
of-the-moment stories, tried to revisit some well-loved bits of business, and
while the show was still funny, it often felt like one more return to the
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A victory lap for a for that
wasn’t quite up to taking one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Second: The cast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They lost two cast members last year, and another one this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except, they also lost the two cast members
they built up LAST year to replace the two they lost in the first place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So they slotted some people in, and the new guys were game,
but… this show was, at its center, about a tight-knit group of friends who
ended up together despite their differences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And by the end, it was about a bunch of people in each
other’s orbit for no real reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In particular, Abed spent the entire season stranded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without Troy to bounce off of, he went from a
fun character who existed in his own world but took Troy along with him… to an
oddball who never really connected with anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That might be why the final episode worked as well as it did
for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end, everyone (just
about) headed off into the world, indicating that, yes, the show was over, and
that, yes, things change and that’s both hard and sad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Was it a terrible year?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think the “true” fans, as opposed to the casual ones like myself, were
probably hit the hardest by this year, and I’m glad that the final plug is
finally pulled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m going to say something NO ONE else has been willing to
say:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">NBC was right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
were right to cancel and/or never air this show. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were right to keep it away from themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were right to let Netflix pick it up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And here’s why. In an alternate universe, critics pick up
the first few episodes of Kimmy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
review it, and it falls into the B/B-/C+ arena.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And why not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an
odd show, with odd characters that work very hard to exist in a semi-fantasy
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing wrong with that,
it’s a sitcom after all, but I can easily see the first episode barely grabbing
an audience, a second losing half the people who saw the first, and then it’s
gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whereas, the way it was released, well, it’s Netflix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You turn the show on, and you let it roll.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s where Kimmy starts to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not that it’s bad at first, but it takes
a while to settle in and get used to the odd little fantasy world that’s
somewhat like the real world, but not really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And it’s perfectly bite-sized, which means you can watch an episode
while you eat your dinner, watch another while you eat dessert, and then run
through two more as you think about doing other things but figure you’d rather
sit on your comfy couch and, you know, NOT do chores.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Three nights of that, you’ve watched the first season, and
you’re kind of in love with the show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look, the show is funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes it goes for big laughs, but mostly it’s the charming story of
a girl who spent ten years in an underground bunker, her gay roommate, and various
other weirdos who cross her path.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a charming show, and charming works better when you can
control the pipeline a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m happy that Kimmy got a full season, and I’m also happy
that it’s getting a second one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
curious to see what they can do with the world they built.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m more curious to see if this should have stayed one
delightful, charming, season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We shall see.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-23337209764431533302015-08-27T22:07:00.001-07:002015-08-27T22:07:34.194-07:00Speedy Review: Armada
So lately, I’ve been hung up on writing these long, long, long essays that
detail everything ever about my experience with something.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
So now we’ll try something new – a short review, just to see if I can pull
it off.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Armada is the latest novel from Ernest Cline, who made a big splash a couple
of years ago with the novel Ready Player One. This was after his first
movie took years and lots of re-editing to come out.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
At any rate, Ready Player One came out with lots of geek cred authors all
over the back cover, praising it like nothing else.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
As for me, I thought it was an impressive pulling together of a bunch of
generation X nerd culture. Is was the kind of book I had trouble
recommending to friends, because the plot was paper-thin, but the game of spot
the reference was kind of fun.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
And now, only a couple of years later, I can barely recall the plot. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
So perhaps I wasn’t the best bet for being a fan of Armada.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
The super-short plot synopsis. We’ve got a main character, who is a
boy. He likes to play a video game called Armada. His dad was
killed years ago in an industrial accident, but he left behind a lot of
notebooks detailing a possible conspiracy having to do with video games.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Finally, after 50-some pages, we learn that Armada was actually a simulator
created to teach the world how to fight an alien invasion.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
And of course, our protagonist is high up in the game rankings, so he’s
being recruited.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Which is to say, if you’ve seen the movie The Last Starfighter, you’ve kind
of read this already.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Is it exactly the same? No. But what we have here is, once
again, Cline mining his lost youth for references. Our hero idolizes his
dead dad, who is, of course, just about Cline’s age. So he loves that era
of nerdery and talks about music and video games that your average 17-year-old
probably isn’t terribly familiar with.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Much like in Ready Player One, I never really invested in any of the
characters, even though Cline clearly went out of his way to attempt some
emotional scenes for them.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
And as the book progresses, it morphs from a Last Starfighter story until it
essentially becomes (spoiler alert, I suppose) Ender’s Game, in far, far, far
too many ways.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
The book itself also seems… rushed, I guess. After a too-long 50 page
setup, the book never really stops moving but not in a relentless, fun
way. Instead it feels like Cline knew he had a deadline coming up, waited
until the last possible second, and then bashed out a first draft.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Or perhaps, as sometimes happens, he sold the book on a pitch or an outline,
and didn’t realize until it was too late that he was essentially photocopying a
couple of older books/movies.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
No matter.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
In its favor, the book glides by quickly, so… there’s that.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Cline apparently already has another novel in the pipeline. I’ll be
curious to see what it’s about, but I really, really hope he goes in a bit of a
different direction this time.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I wish him luck.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p> </o:p></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-91977259075727896372015-06-30T21:49:00.002-07:002015-06-30T21:49:55.288-07:00Stephen King and Me: A One-Sided History
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Recently, I realized that Stephen King is creeping up on 70.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can tell he’s getting up there, because every interview
couches “that” question somewhere: How much longer can he do it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Granted, we’re talking about a man who has produced a book a
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet, I think King fans all live with a
certain fear – that one day, there will be no more books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King will put down the pen, or he will die,
or perhaps both at once, and the King library will add a final volume or two to
the bookshelf, and then that will be it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel like I’m writing a eulogy, and maybe I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I just finished reading the latest King
novel a couple of weeks ago, and it’s gotten me to thinking – this is a guy I
have a history with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s the man who
almost died when he was hit by a van.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The guy who talked about retiring in 2004, when he “finished” The Dark
Tower.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They guy who said he might go blind, in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I’m sure there are times I wanted him to stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But now isn’t that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kind of hope he writes until he’s 100, and
I’ve got sixty-plus books to look forward to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That would be remarkable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So this isn’t really a eulogy, and it isn’t really an
essay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, it’s a series of little
essays.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tiny stories, some of which go
places, many which don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I imagine a lot of King fans have their own tales.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">These are mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is my most often-told story, about how I discovered
King.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I was a kid, I used to go grocery shopping with my mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the time, the impulse purchase area at our local grocer,
instead of being packed with trashy magazines, held a collection of bestselling
paperbacks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I remember, very clearly, seeing It there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was that first, unforgettable cover, with
the paper boat, and the sewer, and the claw.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was a reader by nature, but it was 1987, which would have
made me 10 or 11 years old when I saw the cover.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“That’s a scary book,” said my mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That guy writes scary books.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I noted the title, and the author name – Stephen King.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t much care for scary movies, couldn’t
handle the most intense parts of Raiders of the Lost Ark, or even Star Trek
II.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to look away when watching
those movies and faces melted or worms crawled in ears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I filed the name away in my brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those were, surely, books I didn’t want to
read.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The world moved on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the seventh grade, I started to learn how useless study
hall was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or at least, how useless a
badly timed one was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In high school, I had one first thing in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On test days, it was nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On regular days, I sat and did nothing,
because trying to cram an hour of homework in the day it was due was foolish at
best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I’m talking about seventh grade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where I still had many, many days where I had
nothing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Passing the time was
hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I literally just
sat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few times I tried to make up
stories of my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few times I sat and
read the dictionary, just to pass the time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One day, a friend of mine finished reading his book about
ten seconds into study hall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without
even looking at the cover, I asked if I could borrow it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a book of scary short stories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve never been able to hunt down the book again, though I
remember the cover well, and the fact that the first story was about
druids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I do remember enjoying that first story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was scary, sure, but mostly it was
surprising.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Short horror stories are,
after all, often about that last paragraph, or that last line, where the author
springs his or her little trap.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I learned was that scary stories had STORY.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All I knew was, I liked scary stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I was suddenly very curious about this
Stephen King guy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went to the library, and got Salem’s Lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly because it was about vampires, and
vampires I understood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vampires were,
after all, a safe monster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One I knew,
was familiar with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The monster behind the door is scary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could be anything, coming to get you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But these were vampires.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Long story short, I liked the book, so I went back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was an entire bookcase, and King filled every
shelf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a lot to catch up on, even
though it was only 1988.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I read Carrie next.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At one point in the seventh grade, we were supposed to write
a review of a novel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said I wanted to
write a review of a Stephen King book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Stephen King is not a real author,” insisted my
teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This statement puzzled me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I mentioned it to my parents, who didn’t really seem to be able to
explain it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">An author, after all, is a person who writes a book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How was he not an author?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t bother arguing about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I chose a Lloyd Alexander book instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That was the first time I ever encountered author prejudice.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even today, I have to admit I don’t know
what you make of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dad was online a long, long time before being online was
a thing, connected with a 2400 baud modem using his Commodore 64.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He got involved in an early version of a chat room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in there, by chance, was a guy named
Stephen King.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look up his information,
and all it said was “Boo!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d been reading him for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew he was computer savvy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d read a story in some magazine or another
that King had used his computer to co-write The Talisman, using his modems to
share the manuscript back and forth between himself and his co-author.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I asked King if he could name his first novel – “Carrie,”
was the reply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bit of information that
literally anyone who had ever read King probably knew.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
convinced it was King.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dad said I could send him a message, using the most
primitive possible version of email.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
said I was a reader, that I really liked his books, and even told him the story
about my English teacher stating he was not a real author.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I got a very nice reply back that he was not, in fact,
Stephen King.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the best of all possible worlds, it would have been
Stephen and I would have had a cool story to tell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But in the real world, it was a good lesson to learn early:
People online aren’t always who they say they are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or maybe it was Stephen King, and he didn’t want to be
pestered by a 12-year-old.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the 8th grade, one of my parent’s friends found out I was
a King reader, and actually mailed me two of King’s books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In hindsight, I find that both cool and a
little odd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given the cost of shipping,
it would have been cheaper to send my parents cash and a map to a used
bookstore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, their friend sent me a copy of Misery and It.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My memory is that I read Misery first, as It still seemed
like something of a challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The book
topped 1000 pages after all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Misery was great, of course, and it’s probably in the top
ten or fifteen of any King fan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was something else altogether. You would have to read
Misery three times to be reach the page count of It.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Start the book, and congratulations, you’re going for a
very, very, very long trip.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember getting sucked into the book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember reading it, and reading it, and
reading it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I remember getting to the last day of 8th grade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My school held a little “graduation
ceremony,” which I don’t really remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I do recall my parents weren’t there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They were working, because the graduation of an 8th grader isn’t all
that important of a thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I finished the last 12 pages of it on the way home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then handed the book to my parents and said
they could send it back to their friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I guess they did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">King’s other giant book back then was The Stand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The original version was 800 or so
pages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to take it back to the
library twice to re-check it out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I did finish it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My mom found a copy of Night Shift, King’s first collection
of short stories, at a garage sale, and brought it home for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d already read it, so I set it on the shelf next to the
handful of books I owned and barely gave it a thought.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A friend asked to borrow it, and I loaned it to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He never returned it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To be fair, he brought a bunch of Archie comics to my house,
and never asked for them back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re
in a box somewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My freshman year of high school, our English teacher brought
us to the library and had the person running the place tell us what was
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Among the things she mentioned:
“We do have SOME popular fiction.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In other words, they had a couple of King novels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One day, bored in English class, I pulled It off the shelf
and started reading it again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I checked
it out and reread the entire books in the two weeks I was allowed to have it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As high school progressed, I slowly caught up with
King.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, he could only produce a
couple of books a year, and at the time I could read a good-sized novel in a
week, maybe two.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember my English teacher saying he probably wasn’t
going to finish reading The Dark Half.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was stunned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who doesn’t finish a book?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, I had already read and enjoyed it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to write a book report, and chose the first two books
of The Dark Tower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was no mention
of King not being a real author.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I spent years waiting for new Dark Tower books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The idea that they were a series, and that
King had no idea when they would be written, or when they would be published,
but did know the titles of the next couple of volumes made me crazy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve known many people who own every King novel, and love
most of them to one extent or another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I learned a lesson early on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My mom came to me in the middle of putting in a book order
for one of her book clubs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was
some King listed, did I want any?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved
King.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even loved re-reading some of
King’s books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they were not all
universally great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the chance that I
would ever go back to them was fairly slim.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Plus, they were all available at the library.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Copy after copy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King was popular and easy to come by.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Over the years, I’ve bought some favorites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Dark Tower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His short fiction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Bachman books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A couple of other novels.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But even today, King fills a couple of bookcases at the
library.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can get my hands on whichever
books of his I desire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why own them all?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve read the expanded version of The Stand three
times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After struggling to get through
the short version in three months, I sailed through the long one in a month.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then I read it again, in about two weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few years into my marriage, I finished all my books while
visiting my in-laws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father-in-law
was a fan, and I randomly grabbed his copy of The Stand off the bookshelf.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I sat on the couch and read fifty pages, once again
transported by the massive cast and relentless narrative.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I left the book there, but went home and finished the book
with a copy from the library.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m terrified to open it again, for fear of taking the
massive journey yet another time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
almost 40.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a lot of books I want
to read before I can’t read anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most King movies are R rated, some for language, most for
violence, and my parents weren’t big on me watching R-rated movies as a kid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I saw a few of them chopped up for TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I watched The Stand, which was great until the hand of
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watched It, which was pretty good
until the spider.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In college I was shocked when someone turned Rita Hayworth
and the Shawshank Redemption into a movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had always thought it could be a great one, but Shawshank was pretty
much perfect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I missed it in the theater, but caught it at an on-campus
showing with a bunch of riveted college students.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even projected on a white wall, as the second
half of a double feature, it killed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me, anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had a VCR in college, and taped the new version of The
Shining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was six hours long, but I
sat and watched all of it, back-to-back-to-back on a long Sunday
afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know a lot of people don’t
like it, but I literally couldn’t stop myself from rolling along.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My wife-to-be walked in somewhere in the second hour, and
sat and watched the whole thing with me, equally taken with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she asked to watch the first hour, since
she had missed it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a long afternoon, and at the end I had a TV headache.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I sometimes wish I had the kind of time
to do things like that with my wife now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I never had any time to read in college.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most people don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d cram my King fixes in on summer breaks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do remember my mom being amused that King wrote a novel
called Insomnia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She sent me a sticker
with the title on it, thinking it would be funny to see my lifelong affliction
as a book title.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I laughed, a little.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stephen King got hit by a van, and I thought the same thing
every other fan thought – he needs to live to finish The Dark Tower.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not long after being hit, he released On Writing, which was
a great book with a little short story contest in it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wrote an entry, trying to finish it by midnight, before
the new year started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ended up being
late, as they’d used Midnight on the East coast as their marker.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I begged to be let in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know what I thought, maybe that King would see a diamond in the
rough and I would finally hear from the actual man himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I didn’t win, place, or show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve never re-read the story, which is probably a good
thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">King finally finished The Dark Tower, and I stacked the
books up and read the whole series from beginning to end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Book two is still my favorite.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the middle of the fourth book, which is 90% love story, a
woman I knew saw me reading and commented she could never read King because he
was too scary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t know how to explain that I was basically reading a
western romance, and that most or all of it wouldn’t bother her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I just let it drop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s still one of my least-favorite of his books, smack dab
between all the books of his I like very much.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">King saying he was retiring after finishing The Dark Tower
was the only reason I read his non-fiction book, Faithful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He co-wrote it with another guy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really, really didn’t care for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was about baseball, which isn’t my
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I eventually skipped all of the
other author’s sections, and read only Kings and it was still a chore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it was 2004, and I thought I might be reading the last
King book, ever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This was not the case.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">King has written some very good books, and some books I
could barely get through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A friend loaned us his copy of From a Buick 8, and when we
tried to return it, he said not to bother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We did anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lisey’s Story won for being the worst, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to complete it, and only managed
because it was an audiobook, and I just let it run, even when I barely tuned
into it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I bought it for a friend as a gift, before I read it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s read all the other King in the world,
but not that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He says he’s saving it
for when King dies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve told him that’s a bad idea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I loved the idea of The Green Mile, with the new chunk out
every few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember having a
summer job as a delivery guy, with nothing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I sat and read the entire part 2 of 6
while sitting in the shop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then my co-worker, who was also bored, read it, even though
she hadn’t read part 1.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wonder if she ever finished the series.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I finally complete it at college, one of the rare times I
read a book in college, because a friend of mine had it and said she could loan
it to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">School was almost over for the year, so I scrambled through
it at top speed. Finals was probably not the time to do that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Other books of King’s that I hated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tommyknockers is awful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I checked it out from the library multiple times, always returning it
about twenty pages in, and choosing another King novel instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I finally read it when I finished EVERY other King book, up
to that point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even King doesn’t like it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I read somewhere that he felt that if the book was half the size, it
might have been good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I doubt it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I also didn’t like The Talisman, I suspect because it just seems
never-ending.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That one also hung me up
early on in the narrative, and took a major push to get through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Years later, after I read the sequel, I was surprised to
discover that Black House was quite good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So I went back and re-read The Talisman, via audiobook.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still awful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly,
it was just too long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe that one could be chopped in half and made good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of the King books, I have almost always listed my favorites
as The Stand and The Dead Zone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I
said, I’ve read The Stand multiple times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Dead Zone… I think I’ve read only once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a little afraid to go back again, only
because so many things I loved as a kid, especially some King books, don’t hold
up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean, I read It twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And yet when I pulled it down from the shelf recently, and began
re-reading that awesome, mood-setting start… I realized it was way, way, way
overwritten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of sucking me in, I
gave up five pages in, and never went back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I read The Shining again, after the TV movie came out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t a huge fan the first time
around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The second time fared no better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I liked Salem’s Lot enough to move on to another King book,
but reading it again… didn’t do much for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I could see where King was bouncing off of the original Dracula, but it
wasn’t as relentless a read.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do have a lot of love for The Bachman books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If what I’ve read is correct, every amateur screenwriter
wants to take a crack at The Long Walk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Running Man was a stupid-fun movie, but an amazing book
that beat the actual world of reality TV to the punch by about 25 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s kind of a terrifying read now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rage is… Rage gets a little more scary every year,
really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was probably an odd, creepy
concept when King wrote it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today, it’s
practically a novelization of an event that’s happened far too many times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even King is a little afraid of it, now, and asked that it
be taken out of print.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then there’s Roadwork.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve read it twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was bad
the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought age and
maturity might make me feel differently, but no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just a bad book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The one area I’ve always envied King – he came from an era
where selling short fiction was worth actual money.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I look at the pile of short stories he accumulated over the
years, and there are a lot of great ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But a hundred bucks in 1971 and a hundred bucks in 2011 are two very
different numbers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I made about the same amount of money on my first novel as
he made on his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back then , it was
almost enough for him to quit his job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
might have been able to buy a functional used car, after taxes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oddly, I’ve never read my own personal copy of The Stand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I was newly married, a friend offered to buy me a copy
of Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It never came, though he
said he’d ordered it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I mentioned it to him, he said he’d look into it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Months later, my wife asked me what happened to the
book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him, and he said they must
not have delivered it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This isn’t impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve ordered things online and had them not show up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both times, this ended in irritated battles
with credit card companies and businesses, though in both cases I got my money
back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Eventually, years later, I bought a used paperback.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it’s a big book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I was going to read it again, I wanted it in a format that wouldn’t
crumble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I picked up a used
hardcover.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I gave the paperback away to another friend who had recently
gotten into King.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seemed to not
really want it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think he looked at the
size of the thing and knew it would be a major commitment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He’s not wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t read as fast as I used to, and I don’t generally buy
King novels.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This has led to an odd issue, where I have to read King
books in chunks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I got Under the Dome, I read about 600 pages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The book was due at the library, and I was
ending my vacation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew there was no
way I was going to sail through the last 600 pages once I was back at real
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I gave it back to the library and put it on reserve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Three weeks later, I got it back, and finished it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve done this with multiple books now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like reading a series that just sits
between one set of covers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Granted, I won’t argue it’s an ideal way to read a book…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the things I find a little magical about King is that
he really is that early adopter of technology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When Barnes and Noble tried to get people to read books on
their computers, in the pre-Kindle days, King gave away a story for free.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It crashed servers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I eventually got, and read the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then I never opened the Barnes and Noble
software again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">King did other variants on this premise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kindle-only work, for example.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The most famous was probably when he published The Plant
online, in chunks, one section at a time, getting people to pay as they went.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I bought all the parts, and King, in turn, gave up on the
experiment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not having a real ending to the book bothers me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It bothers me very much.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A friend of mine thinks King is in a renaissance after
several hard years of iffy books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want to agree with him, as the last nine or ten years have
almost been clunker-free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet, there have always been good novels, mixed in with
bad ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good short stories created in
and around so-so books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like I said earlier, Misery is probably one of King’s best,
and it came out right around some of his worst.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So… maybe there’s no rhyme or reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s like every mine in the world, gold
threaded in an around useless rocks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">King has claimed in the past that there are no more books
squirrelled away, which means that once he’s dead, the books stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s said of various books that perhaps one
of his sons could finish the job, if it came to it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But there isn’t much he’s held back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or so he claims.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve done enough reading to know that’s not entirely
true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect there is probably a
minor bestseller for anyone who pulls together all of King’s lost Pop of King
columns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s probably some lost gold
in King’s student newspaper days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A handful of stories have gone missing, according to
Wikipedia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there’s at least one novel that never saw the light of
day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Heck, I’m sure someone will finally put The Plant between
covers, for all the people who didn’t want to mail a dollar to King,
pre-Paypal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">King’s next two books are already in the pipeline – a
collection of short fiction, and the final novel in a series of three books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is there more?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
dunno.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I confess my biggest fear is that the books will get bad,
and that King, who really has been having a good run, will pass away, leaving
us with a sad, “If only he’d stopped HERE,” feeling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet, I don’t want him to quit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because there’s always the chance he’ll strike gold one last
time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I find it amazing that I’ve been reading King for almost
thirty years now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s hoping there are 30 more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that they are good ones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-33244783072980093722015-03-13T22:20:00.002-07:002015-03-13T22:20:19.206-07:00American Idol: Season 14 Arrives<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve told the story before, but I only started
watching American Idol when of my wife’s co-workers tried to get on the show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The irony was, he made it to the judges… but didn’t
appear on TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mostly, at the time, this led me to two comments –
1) why show all those terrible auditions and NOT show his?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t that cruel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2) So, are we done?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My wife stated that, no, now she was curious to see
how it played out, and I spent most of the season stating that, essentially, I
liked a lot of the performers, but I was never going to be their record.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This has proved to be mostly true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the course of the last few seasons, I’ve
bought both of Phillip Phillips releases, the second of which I should review
here at some point, and a Kelly Clarkson Best Of that mostly taught me that
even over the course of a bunch of records, she only released maybe four songs
I actually want to hear more than once or twice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I mean, nothing against her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She seems nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I’m just not digging her scene.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">(Oh, and here’s the capsule review of Phillips’
second record – it’s more consistent than his first, and the better record
overall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there were exactly zero
THIS IS A HIT songs on it, and I’m not surprised it vanished from the charts
pretty quickly.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">At any rate, we’re three years away from Phillip x2
now, and the last two Idol records tanked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>People who lost the competition in the past came out and sold two and
three and four times as many records as the actual winners of the last two
years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Oddly, Randy Jackson, who gave worthless advice and
platitudes every year I watched him, correctly nailed the issue with those two
records – it’s ALL about the songs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">With that in mind, I find myself watching the
current season and thinking what I’ve BEEN thinking the last few years:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My favorites will eventually be swept away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The person with the best voice will probably win.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then make a record I don’t care about at
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even the tiniest bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I mean, let’s talk about last year for a second,
wherein Alex made it almost all the way to the top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then got knocked out, which is fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">BUT.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Idol didn’t release most of his performances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there were some very good ones that
didn’t come out, and could have at least made for a fun collection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And over a year later, he hasn’t released his own
record.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And I ask: What is stopping him?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s got a lot of Idol money sitting around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he’s got YouTube.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man doesn’t need a label, and after the
sales of the last few Idol winners, no label is coming for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He could have a record out now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing is preventing it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Instead, his web site is dead, and his YouTube
channel has… a cover he released two months ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I think I’m more down on this year because I’ve come
to realize that even if these guys can sing, it doesn’t mean anything for their
career.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What they need are songs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And those songs have to be something I
actually want to buy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">They have made some wise choices for the competition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of the episodes this year were an hour
instead of two, and I got SO much of my life back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Plus I didn’t have to listen to the judges
yapping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was GREAT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They seem like they’re probably decent
people, but when has anything any one of them has ever said actually made a
singer better?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or won them more votes?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So let’s crunch the show back down to an hour soon,
shall we?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">All that said, here’s how I suspect the show will
shake out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As always, my top five will
be wildly wrong, but everything below that should come out within one or two
steps.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here we go, from bottom to top:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Quentin Alexander<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The bad news is, I think Quentin might produce the
most interesting record, if he ever got near a studio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he has a look, which means something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The problem is, he just isn’t connecting with the
audience in any way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He might be able
to fix that, but I don’t think he’s going to have enough time to make it
happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s another guy who could
really use a YouTube boost.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Adanna Duru<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ll admit it, I think she’s got a great voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But she has pitch issues, which is death, and
honestly something about the way she looks into the camera makes me
uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one else has
mentioned it, so maybe it’s just me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Daniel Seavey<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He’s super talented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he has no stage presence, and even though
Tyanna is only about a year older than he is, he looks like he’s performing at
a high school talent show and she owns the stage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Rayvon Owen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This guy… I love his voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And he’s clearly worked a stage before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Also: Check out his name on YouTube and pull up his song Sweatshirt,
which is adorable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s going to lose, because he’s just a wonderful
old-school balladeer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I hope this
gives him the push to get himself a full-time singing gig.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Maddie Walker<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I admit it, I’m just not much of a country guy, and
nothing she’s done blows me away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
suspect the country contingent will pull for her (they put TWO country people
at the top the year Scotty won, after all) but I don’t see her lasting forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Nick Fradiani <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
tired of people talking about how old he is already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gives good performance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m still waiting for him to just go out
there and SLAY a song.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, he’s
onstage being the worlds most handsome street performer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’ll catch up to him, because there are other
people who also do that, and DO kill their vocals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Joey Cook<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Too quirky to last, she’ll almost certainly drop out
before this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s Casey all over again,
really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m enjoying her work, and
even if she isn’t the one creating her arrangements, she’s been smart enough to
be HERSELF so far, instead of doing something straight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I applaud that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I’d totally think about buying her record…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Qaasim Middleton<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What a nice kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Amazing dancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great
performer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not yet convinced he can
sing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Jax<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Oy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
could be troubling, actually, as up until now she did oddball little covers
that emphasized a certain SOMETHING in her voice that clearly worked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then last night she sang and that tone was gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So does she fake the tone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or did she fake NOT having the tone?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Either way, she showed that she can, in fact, be
boring and do karaoke way too early in the season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So she could be a “surprise” elimination.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If it prevents her from doing more of what she did
last night, I’d be fine with that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Clark Beckham<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Remember when he auditioned, and he was good but kind of boring?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who gave him performance lessons?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t think of any time I was this shocked
to watch someone come out and just nail his songs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Tyanna Jones<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She’s got winner written all over her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s got the voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s got the moves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point in this competition, she will
whip out a gospel song and make a bunch of people cry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then she’ll release a record with no hit songs on a
country label, and that will be the last we hear of her…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And so it goes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-7395992112859007972015-03-10T20:45:00.002-07:002015-03-10T20:45:51.962-07:00The Return of Things I Love<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sequels are tough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I say this as someone who has written a few of
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, if you’re very skilled
(or the original product was flawed in some manner) you can improve on what you
did before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But more often than not, the best you can hope for
is that you come within spitting distance of being as good as the first
go-round.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Early this year, two of my favorite recent things
got follow-ups, and I have to admit I was sweating them both.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">One of them was music.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other was a book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">We’ll go ahead and do the book first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My favorite book last year was, hands-down, a tie-in
novel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is stupid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A tie-in novel is generally the most
unfulfilling follow-up there is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More
often than not, the original creator doesn’t have a hand in their
existence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story must reset all
things back to how they were at the start of the novel, in order to avoid
conflicting with anything that came before and might come after.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And even then, they’ll often contain details that
are immediately rendered moot by any future stories, rendering a lovely moment
into something that Never Happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then, along came Veronica Mars: The
Thousand-Dollar Tan Line.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Frankly, this novel took all my comments from the
last few paragraphs and rendered them moot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The novel was co-written by series creator Rob Thomas, and assuming I
understand correctly, it was based on the script for the “original” Veronica
Mars movie, which he didn’t have the money to make.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It tied directly into the events from the new
Veronica Mars film, essentially making it a second film in text form.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It kept he same balls in the air, the mystery
was solid, and more importantly Rob stated that if it was in the novel, it
counted moving forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was a tiny miracle, really, like getting a second
Mars movie only a few weeks after the first (really enjoyable) one came out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I had read that the second novel would be out in a
few months, but the months passed and things went to radio silence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rob Thomas had turned his Veronica Mars
Kickstarter into a Veronica Mars mailing list, and so I figured I’d see an
email the minute the second book was available for purchase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Only that didn’t happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I literally found out the new book (Mr. Kiss
and Tell) was already on shelves when I randomly decided to Google it one
night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Should I have taken it as a warning?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I got my hands on the book a short while later, and the next thing I
knew I was neck-deep in the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
all was great again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had the
characters, it had the dialogue, it had the twists and the turns.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Fifty pages from the end, I was already feeling sad
that I’d be losing Veronica for another full year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Thirty pages from the end, I realized that I might
actually be losing Veronica forever – the Mars contract was a two-book deal,
and I couldn’t find any references to a contract for additional books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And by the end of the book… I didn’t know what to
feel. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not at first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There are a lot of storylines in the Mars books,
which is surprising considering how quickly they fly by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With thirty pages to go there was a lot of
story up in the air.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">At the end of the book, everything is tied up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Is that too fast?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s hard to say, but it felt like it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ll try to be vague, but there’s a strong chance
you’ll work out some of the ending if you keep reading – you have been warned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There’s a sheriff storyline that ties up quickly and
neatly with the addition of another character who never quite integrates into
the story as a whole.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There’s a mystery that’s solved simply by shoving
some violence into the mix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A concept
that doesn’t quite sit right with what we know of Veronica.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And there are a couple other subplots that are
resolved… I would say fairly, but in a ways that seem to exist more to add
drama than they do to serve the overall story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My friend Harry also read the book, and treated it
rather harshly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I get that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those last 30 pages take three seasons of TV,
a great movie, and a really enjoyable book, and they offer up tidy resolutions
that should be messy, and messy resolutions that should be more tidy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Perhaps with another 50 pages, things could have
been fixed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The violent resolution could
have been a clever one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The odd side
character could have been better integrated into the story as a whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe it would have just made the book
longer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And maybe some of it was just my expectation, as it
took a thing I really loved and brought me back a thing I only liked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">With that, let’s move on the music.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I learned recently that Prince released Around the
World in a Day a scant TEN MONTHS after putting out the soundtrack to Purple
Rain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In effect, he fired off the follow-up
to an absolute classic less than a year later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m guessing it’s because he wanted to get the
comparisons out of the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all,
Around was never going to be as good as Purple, whether they came out ten
months or ten years apart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know that I’d call the Imagine Dragons
record Night Visions a classic, but even though it was released in 2012, it was
probably my favorite record of 2013.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve tried to figure out a way to explain why, and
it’s tough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a record with amazing
flow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t tell a story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their lyrics are often obtuse, and their
sound is probably best described as, “that record that has that really loud
bass drum on it a lot.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And yet… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And yet I put it in my car, and it rarely came out
of the player for something like six months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After it came out of my car, it was back in my house for perhaps six or
eight weeks, and then it went back in the car and back in the player for
another handful of months.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I never got tired of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And I only recently put my finger on the why of
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s because every track was so
different, I could always find a song I wanted to hear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Want a bizarre, post-apocalypse song?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try Radioactive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Want the oddball keyboard sound I always hear
in Ethiopian music?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Put on Underdog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Want a slow-drip of melancholy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amsterdam, all the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It won out over other records not by being cohesive,
but my being whatever I needed it to be on any particular day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">After nearly two years of waiting, I heard that
Dragons was finally putting out some more music, and I was just a little
terrified.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know who said it first, or their exact
wording, but there’s a saying that goes like this: You get five years to make
your first record, and five weeks to make your second.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I could see that happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After years of touring, the group comes off
the road with a handful of half-finished tunes, and old songs that weren’t good
enough for record number one, and then here’s a new album and we’re going back
on tour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s happened before, to better bands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">On the day it came out, I hit the store and bought
Smoke + Mirrors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I unwrapped it, and put
it in the player, and waited for the “new, more rock-based” sound the Dragons
guys had talked about to come out of my speakers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Instead, I got Shots, a song that, yeah, probably
could have been a deep cut on a U2 record.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And then after it comes Gold, which amps up the bass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few songs later, there’s I Bet My Life,
which sounds like a more fun Mumford and Sons song.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And it goes on, each song different from the
last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once again, there’s not much in
the way of cohesion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Random style
follows random style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lyrics are
still frequently inscrutable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And once again, I kind of love it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s a different time now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a bunch of other recordings I’d been
waiting to get released, and so Dragons is in and out of the player.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I haven’t lived with the record long
enough to know if I love it as much as Night Visions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But even as I type this, I can think of a half dozen
songs I’d be happy to listen to at this very second.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not the greatest record of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, I suspect there are a lot of folks
who simply won’t care for large parts of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But for me, I suspect it will be a highlight of the
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll let you know if it ever
escapes my motor vehicle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-7413164054139013302015-03-09T19:37:00.002-07:002015-03-09T19:37:30.374-07:00A Farewell to Glee
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It only occurs to me, as I type this, that Glee has
developed an odd kind of symmetry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first part of the first season – a season in itself,
really – was about a man trying to put his life back together by bringing back
the group he loved in high school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And now, it’s about some broken people… trying to put
together their lives by bringing back a group they were in, back in high
school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It also occurs to me, for the first time, just how woefully
pathetic that concept is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look, I enjoyed parts of high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I realized, years later, that the parts I
enjoyed were firmly outnumbered by the parts I didn’t enjoy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">More to the point, exactly NO ONE ever, ever, ever wants to
go back to high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get teaching,
as I’ve been one and I loved it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But to
actually try to return, after a fashion?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If high school
was the best part of your life, I suspect you should talk to someone about
that, and figure out what it’s going to take to make your future better than
that one time you won that game that almost no one even remembers today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So now Glee is in its final season, and it feels,
alternately, like they’re trying to do two things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, they need to run out the clock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that hasn’t gone well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s led to things like Sue building a fake elevator and trapping people
in it, which sounds stupid even if you pretend we’re talking about a terrible,
mostly-forgotten 80s sitcom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s the fact that the show has now, several times,
flat-out admitted that it was a TV show, and that its time is limited.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It has tossed semi-interesting plotlines at us, and then
resolved them immediately because there’s no time to actually address
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which has always kind of been
Glee’s thing, but it’s even worse now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And on the other side of things, they’re trying to resolve
whatever plot points they don’t want dangling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So characters are getting married, and pairing off, and
mostly just trying to cram unearned happy endings in wherever they can, so they
can go out on a high note.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Pun not
really intended.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, Glee has frequently been able to get MOMENTS of
the show to matter, and so I suspect the final episode will have a certain
functional power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be the last
time we see these characters, because the show’s popularity is in the toilet
now, and there will be no reunion movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Heck, so why even talk about the show at this point?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last day of shooting has already been and
gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no way to fix what’s
coming in the next couple of weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I dunno.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, okay, I do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want to take a minute to talk about the things that Glee
did RIGHT, even though it didn’t do them very often these last couple of years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here we go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Glee introduced me to a lot of music I might have missed
otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve mused on this before, but I live in a radio-free world
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m old enough and have a large
enough collection of music that I can simply buy new stuff by artists I already
know, and listen to records I already have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can become like so many other people my age, who haven’t
listened to a new song in five years, haven’t discovered a new artist in
ten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The people who think that Ben Folds is a new and exciting
artist, even though his first record came out 20 years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Don’t get me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I love Ben Folds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if you make
it 20 years in this business, you’re an elder statesman, not a young
up-and-comer.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Glee kept me from getting too complacent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or at the very least, kept me somewhat on the
pulse of what was going on in music today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there were other good things, musically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They put out three solid Christmas records
that have become family favorites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
produced some truly excellent arrangements and mashups.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And while they didn’t do it often, a few times a season they
produced a version of a song I liked more than the original.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(And man, why did they never release another Warblers
record?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first one is easily my
favorite of the Glee releases…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So that’s the music.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything from here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It comes with an asterisk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inclusion was the second thing I thought of, when pondering
the things that Glee did right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had
white and black and Asian and straight and gay and bi and trans and someone
with Down’s syndrome and a person in a wheelchair, and… and I’m sure there are
more, though I can’t think of them right at this exact second.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, there’s the other side of that coin, that
asterisk, where we have to admit the show thought it was hilarious that most of
those people were horrible human beings, who said and did outrageous things
that would get you arrested in real life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But on a TV landscape that features only a few of these
types, Glee at least made an attempt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And finally ,there are… those moments that I spoke of.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember early in the first season of Glee, a friend of
mine noted with surprise that her husband was watching the show with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The musical numbers are really
entertaining!” he said, with a smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I nodded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“But some of the storylines…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He paused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wasn’t sure if he didn’t know what to say, or if he was worried about
hurting my feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The show is deeply, deeply, deeply stupid,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You have to accept that if you’re going to
watch it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of these people don’t
react the way actual human beings would.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet, there were moments on the show that really
worked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That, even divorced from logic,
could make you feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can argue it’s
just a matter of pushing certain buttons, but it takes the right dialogue, the
right actors, the right direction, and Glee COULD get there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which puts sets me down at maybe the best thing Glee ever
really did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which was to take Mike
O’Malley and make him the absolute heart of the show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s a man who has spent most of his working life trapped
in so-so sitcoms, and pushing cable TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But Glee used him for something more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure how a show that chewed up Jane Lynch and turned
her into a ridiculous caricature left Mike’s work alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s because he wasn’t on the show that
often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s because Mike is just
that good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But when the dust settles, I can only hope Mike gets a
chance to do this kind of thing again, because he’s marvelous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">March will come to a close, and with it, the Glee saga, such
as it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show is in syndication,
and you can buy it in various formats and… that won’t happen, for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t see going through this journey (hah!) a second
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s too little great to offset
the too much awful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show is over now, and the cast is, I’m sure, scrambling
for work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Coming off a big hit, they
might have found fast homes all over the dial.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I think this is the end of the line for many of
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
a moment, they were all icons on the biggest show on TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Would that we could all be so lucky once in our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So long, Glee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks
for the good times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sorry I was forced to stop believing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-43255294664627579382014-12-24T21:20:00.003-08:002014-12-24T21:20:47.968-08:00A Krampus Karol
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Testing.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Testing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Christmas sucks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My name is Dirk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Uh… Dirk Burger.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I hate my name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And also Christmas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No,
that’s not true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hate Saint Nicholas’
Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can totally go die in a fire.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Which isn’t funny, I guess, since that’s probably
what’s about to happen to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Actually, I’m going to be boiled alive, I think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m running out of time here, so I should stop
messing around and start over from the beginning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I’m lucky, someone will find this stupid
off-brand MP3 player and listen to it out of a sense of loss for the dead kid
and hopefully, heed my warning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I sound so stupid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I keep thinking it can’t be happening, but I’ve tried everything from
pinching myself to slamming my body against the bars of the cage, and I’m not
waking up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not waking up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was December fifth, which has very little to do
with Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or Saint Nick’s
Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or whatever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Since I don’t know who is going to find this, I feel
like I need to explain that I’m part of a pretty boring, normal family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad’s an administrator at the hospital,
and my mom works part time at my school, which is super lame because the two
times I’ve gotten in trouble the principal didn’t even have to call my
parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to sit in the lobby of
the office while my mom stared me down, and then when I went in he told me to
bring my mother with me, and mom didn’t even take my side. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Didn’t even ask whether I’d done it or not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">People say you’re innocent until proven guilty, but
that’s not the case at all when you’re in high school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Not important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The fam was planning on going to Disneyland for
Christmas this year, so my mom thought it would be fun if we did what she
called “A Super Saint Nick’s Christmas” with my grandparents and my
great-grandma, who came over on a literal boat and is about a million and six
years old.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">That might be true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No one knows how old she is, because she was born in some backwoods
village in “the old country” and it supposedly was burned to the ground during
World War One.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Since my grandparents are alive, I was never sure
what to call her, not that it mattered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So I always thought of her as The Great One.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because she’s old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And fat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And has a huge hump.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Since the family was going to Disneyland, my parents
unilaterally decided that the trip was going to be our “big” gift, and my
little sister and I could each pick one other small gift.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I wanted an iPhone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My parents and I had a ton of arguments about
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They gave me the whole speech about
how I was lucky to have a cell phone at all, since I’m only fifteen and I’m not
paying any of my own phone bills, and I should get a job and learn about
responsibility and whatever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve told them both about sixty-million times that
I’ll get a job when I have a car, because having your mom drop you off at your
fast food minimum wage job is super-lame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not like that conversation ever goes well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So this part, it’s the story of The Great One and
the iPhone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Great One, in addition to riding to elementary school
on a dinosaur, is barely aware of what’s going on around her ninety-nine point
nine repeating into infinity percent of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it wasn’t like we could bring her to our
house and make some big delicious dinner that we’d all actually enjoy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got to
go to her old folk’s home and eat the food that school cafeterias reject as
being just too gross for humans to eat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mostly I pushed my food around my plate, trying to
make it look like I’d eaten any of it at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t think anyone was fooled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>On the other hand, it wasn’t like any of my other relatives were looking
to join the clean plate club, either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was a quiet dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The staff let us eat off in some little room
in the corner of the complex, so we didn’t have to sit around and watch them
feed a bunch of barely-breathing invalids their daily mush.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was totally awkward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My parents would make some comment to my
grandparents, and then my mom would turn and tell The Great One the exact same
thing, but louder and slower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile,
The Great One would just sit there, staring straight ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it weren’t for the slight shift of her
shoulders and the sway of her hunchback that indicated she was breathing, I
would have thought she was dead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My grandparents asked about school, and my mom got
that look that says that she “doesn’t want to worry” anyone, so I kept my mouth
shut about my recent office visits and said everything was fine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My sister, on the other hand, had just gotten some
ribbon for an art project she did, so they gushed over her for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kid drives me nuts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most days I suspect the only reason she’s
around is my parents wrote me off when I got suspended from the first grade due
to my inability to get along with teachers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
administration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And every other idiot I
meet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">After a too-long lukewarm meal of not-food, a staff
member came into the room and offered to take our plates, and we passed them
off to her as quickly as we could.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I figured the pain would end there, and we could all
go home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But then it got weird.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My mom isn’t really into purses so much as she’s
into giant bags.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her current one is
totally ridiculous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every color of the
rainbow, covered in unicorns, and probably large enough to stuff my sister into
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">That seemed a lot funnier, yesterday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom reached into the bag and pulled out two
Christmas stockings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Dirk, Johanna,
since we’re going to be on vacation over Christmas, and that’s the big gift, I
figured that instead of giving you your one other gift for Christmas, I’d give
it to you for Saint Nick’s day.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Saint what now?” I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then, like I said, it got weird, because The Great
One, who had been staring straight ahead at nothing the entire time we were
there, finally shifted a little bit, resettling her bulky weight into her
wheelchair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like she was part of the
conversation, instead of a baggy-skin-covered statue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Saint Nick,” said my mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was still holding the Christmas stockings.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One was blue, the other one <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My sister’s stocking wasn’t really large enough to
contain her gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was some Disney
princess doll, still in the box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one
with the hair and the dresses who sings that song about wanting a different
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Oh wait, that’s all of them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I thought Saint Nick’s day was the sixth,” said my
grandpa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“It is,” said my mom, with that weird “I’m being
patient” smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“But we’re all here now,
so…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My grandma cut in, “Yes, but you didn’t tell us you
were going to do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We could have
brought presents.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Mom, you don’t have to get them presents,” said my
mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My sister and I exchanged a look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t exactly have a lot in common, but we
knew one thing: Take away all the presents, and grandparents aren’t worth
much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are we going to do with them
otherwise?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk about the price of milk
during the Civil War?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I’m just saying a little warning would have been
nice,” said grandma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandpa and dad sat
back in their chairs, staying out of the fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They knew what was best for them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Well,” said mom, “I found the gifts in the clo-”
she stopped talking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like my sister and
I didn’t already know where the presents were hidden in the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I mean, I found the presents, and I had the
stockings, and I thought I’d give them the gifts now so they could use
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a very last-minute
decision.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Grandma’s lips turned into a thin line, and I
thought I was going to go another twenty minutes not playing on my sweet, sweet
4G iPhone, except my sister spoke up then.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Thanks, mama.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s really nice,” she said, in her best sweet suck-up tone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My mom’s focus turned to Johanna, and she leaned
forward and handed her the pink stocking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The box inside flopped out onto the table while my sister made a little
squeaky sound of joy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“There’s more in there,” said mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Johanna reached into the toe of the stocking and
pulled out a couple of extra outfits and a bunch of foil-wrapped Christmas
candy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I held out my hands to my mom, figuring she’d hand
me my stocking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as it turns out, my
sister wasn’t done kissing up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She hopped off her chair with a, “Thanks, mom!” and
hugged mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then dad, who also got a
thanks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And grandma and grandpa, who both got a, “Happy
Saint Nick’s day!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Even The Great One got a kiss on the cheek, which
was like watching her lips mush against a pile of Silly Putty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Great One didn’t move a muscle when that
happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when sis added, “Happy
Saint Nick’s day,” the woman who hadn’t even twitched when my mom was shouting
in her ear earlier moved her eyes for the first time in an hour, pointing them
directly at my sister.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">By then, my sister was already back at the table,
opening the box that contained her new chunk of made-in-China plastic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I cleared my throat, hoping my mom would notice me
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“And what do you say?” asked my mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I thought for a half-second. “What did you get me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My dad finally piped up for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“How about please?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or thank you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I looked at him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“How about I find out what I got, first?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My grandma’s mouth, which had resolved itself into a
smile when her granddaughter hugged her, thinned back out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Okay, so, maybe I’m a brat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I didn’t deserve a lecture over it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And I definitely don’t deserve to die.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Can you hear that sound?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That clunking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a paddle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That thing built a fire, and put water in a
tub on top of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A washtub?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Like in that holiday show with the otter and the puppets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know how he’s keeping the fire from setting off
the smoke alarm in this place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know where the security guards are,
either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would think a mall would
have an overnight security guard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or
those motion-seeking cameras.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I did
a lot of screaming and no one came.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So maybe there’s nobody.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Or maybe the guard was naughty, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Finish the story, Dirk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“What?” I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Well, why wouldn’t you say thank you?” said mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Because I still don’t know what I got.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Neither did Johanna.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Are you kidding?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The doll didn’t even fit in the stocking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was saying thank you because she already
knew what she had.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“No I didn’t,” said Johanna.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Whose side are you on?” I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Johanna shrugged and went back to work untwisting a
wire, still trying to free her doll from the prison-like packaging it was
trapped in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I looked at my stocking again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a lump in the “leg” that looked
like it could be iPhone-sized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if I
was ungrateful, I wasn’t stupid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right
now it didn’t matter who was right and who was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What mattered was, there were apps to
download, music to blast through my earphones, and my own personal computer
with no one looking over my shoulder whenever I wanted to Google something that
was nobody’s business but my own.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I’m-sorry-thank-you,” I said, all in one breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom moved as if to hand me the stocking, hesitated,
glanced at her parents, and then I guess she figured it made more sense to just
give me the stocking than it did to argue with the sincerity of my apology.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Considering how things turned out, it would have
been better if she had kept it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The second the stocking hit my hand, I tipped it
over and out came a box, maybe twice the size of a deck of cards, with the word
iPhone carefully printed on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t
think about it at the time, but the box was pretty light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should have known what was coming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I dropped the stocking on my knee and pulled at the
lid of the box and there, inside the box was… this thing I’m talking into.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was tiny and boxy, and a pair of cheap earbuds
stuck out of the top of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a
small hole in one corner, and a few unmarked buttons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I looked up at my parents, both of whom were
smiling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a smile that didn’t
quite meet their eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had punked
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Nice,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“You’re welcome,” said my dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He eased back in his chair and glanced around
at the table, I guess hoping for high fives from the rest of the family for his
most excellent joke.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Where’s the real one?” I asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stuck my hand into the stocking and started
to dig.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came up with some candy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chocolate, mostly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Real one?” said my mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
real one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is an iPhone box.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I held up my present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This is not an iPhone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dad sat back up, and I saw the tension push back
into his shoulders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He glanced over at
his in-laws, warily. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No, it’s not.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I asked for an iPhone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“You have a phone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Yes,” I admitted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“I have a phone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“And now, you also have an MP3 player.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So now you can make calls, and listen to
MP3s, which is everything you needed from an iPhone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Well, I can’t take pictures or video.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can barely text.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My phone has one game that I don’t even
understand…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dirk-”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dad…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
sounded whiny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hate it when I sound
whiny.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dirk, do you know how much an iPhone costs?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I shrugged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“A hundred bucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what I
heard this guy say at school.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Yeah, well, ‘this guy’ was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new iPhone is more like six hundred
dollars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you have to keep in mind,
that’s just for the object itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then
you’ve got phone and data plans, which jack up your monthly costs by another
fifty bucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Per month. Which I would
have to pay for, since you don’t have a job.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I looked at the MP3 player.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You could have at least gotten me an actual
iPod.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“They play MP3s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So does the thing you’re holding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At a much reduced cost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which
meant we could jam an extra day into our Disney trip,” said my dad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“But-” I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then it got full-on freak show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because The Great One turned her head towards
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her neck muscles crackled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Everyone got really, really quiet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“You…” said The Great One, and it was like you could
hear gravel and spiders spilling from her throat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like she hadn’t spoken in years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe she hadn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Her eyes were directly on me, but I was so
shell-shocked by sound coming from her mouth that I could only say, “Me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“You will anger him.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like listening to two rocks scraping
against each other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Who?” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Dad?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then she said it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The source of all my nightmares and therapy
sessions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Assuming I get to live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Krampus.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Talking about it now, even though I can see him in
front of me, it feels like something out of a horror movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something that happened to someone else, and
then I turned the lights on and the movie off and walked away and it was only a
story played by attractive actors slumming for rent money.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
thought I had heard wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Christmas?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Kram-pus,” she said, drawing out the word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Father Christmas?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Like Santa Claus?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re worried
I’m going to tick off Santa?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I
know he doesn’t exist, I’m not five-”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dirk!” snapped my mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked at my sister, who was still playing
with her doll.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rolled my eyes, and was
about to make an ironic remark about how my sister was going to have to learn
someday about the fact that some creepy dude doesn’t sneak into her house…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then The Great One grabbed the table, and heaved
herself to her feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“KRAMPUS!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Standing, she looked more like a troll than a
human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was hunched over the table,
as if she was preparing to pounce and grab one of us for her supper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her entire face wobbled, as though her skin
was a cheap rubber appliance that wasn’t glued down correctly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Everyone sitting at the table pulled back from it,
except my sister, who dropped to the floor and crawled under it towards
dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if dad was going to protect her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Great One began shuffling towards me, using the
table for balance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her eyes never left
mine, even as her over-lipsticked mouth spat words at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“For every good thing, is also bad thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Opposite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Light and dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saint Nicholas
brings good things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Toys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Children cry when they get coal in stocking, but in old country, in my
home, coal would give warmth when there was no warmth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Bad children not get coal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bad children get Krampus.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">By now, The Great One was standing inches away from
me, her face nearly touching me, her breath like something out of a hot,
steaming sewer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to pull back,
but the chair was in the way and I couldn’t process the motions it would take
to slide it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if my chair was hooked
to the table, and there was no escape.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She continued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“You are not grateful for gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You are mean to sister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are
not happy about time with family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These
are all presents, much better than some toy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She looked disdainfully at my MP3 player.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I didn’t think. I said, “But I wanted an iPhone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Is toy!” she bellowed, and I felt the wind of a
thousand stomach ulcers crawl up my nostrils and set up camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I didn’t say anything else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“You ungrateful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Brat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You make amends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Become good. Or Krampus come for you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Who-?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She cut me off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Saint Nicholas is saint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Says so
in name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is opposite of saint?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is not-saint?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The only saint I could think of was Saint Peter, the
guy who was supposed to meet you when you died and went to heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The opposite of that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The devil?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Not the devil, perhaps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But a devil.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She offered me a hideous grin, and I looked at her black, stained gums.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“With teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fangs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rows and rows, like shark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Horns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Naked, but covered in fur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Claws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Claws wrapped around a sack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I thought he didn’t bring presents.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“No presents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sack is for you to go inside.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I felt a giggle escape my mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t real laughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a kind of hysteria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And then what?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“He… tenderize you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“How?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Hitting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Kicking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until you are black and
blue. And bloody.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“And then he takes me home?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He eats
you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Kills and eats?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Takes
pieces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cooks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While you watch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eat you in front of you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easy death too good for bad child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She trailed off, and her eyes opened wide, and she
swayed backwards, and forwards, and tilted, and fell into my lap, and her
weight pushed me over and we both fell onto the ground in a heap, her full
weight on top of me, and I screamed, and shoved, and punched, and kicked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Staff members ran in from the hallway, and my
family, who had all acted like they were locked into their chairs, began to
move and shriek.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Grandma?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Mom?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The staff picked her up, pulled her away from me,
and I rolled over, trying to catch my breath, and then I heard my mom say,
“Grandma!” and my sister started to cry and I heard my dad tell her to look
away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Great One had finally drawn her last horrible
breath.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I can still see Krampus in the firelight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s got a huge pile of those special
chemical logs that are supposed to burn and burn and burn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The washtub was boiling before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now it’s almost churning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That thing broke one of the metal sprinkler
pipes to keep water flowing into the pot because it’s evaporating too quickly
it’s boiling so hard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I need to hurry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">We spent hours at the former abode of The Great
One.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of us had really eaten, so in
addition to the fact that we were all traumatized by what had happened, we were
all starving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Johanna and I finally just gave up and started
eating our Christmas candy, which actually made it worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a reason that dessert is always the
last part of a meal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s because too
much sweet stuff sours in your belly when you haven’t eaten anything else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">First the staff had a million questions for all of
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the police came, because
someone had called them when they heard screaming and they had to file a
report.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then the director of the place showed up and had my
parents sign a whole bunch of papers that, from what I could tell, were mostly
about making sure my parents couldn’t sue them for negligence, and closing out
The Great One’s account.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">They were told they had two weeks to clean out all
of her belongings, and that they’d be charged for their disposal if it came to
that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">By the time we got home, it was late, and Johanna
and I both felt tired and sick to our stomachs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I figured I’d try to work the trauma to my
advantage, and ask for permission to stay up a bit and at least load some music
on my totally lame MP3 player.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
wasn’t going to happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I brushed my teeth, threw on a T-shirt and some
boxers, and went to bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For a little while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My parents aren’t much for the night owl thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad is one of those guys who wakes up at five
AM every day to hit the treadmill before he heads to the office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Johanna gets up every day at six whether
it’s a school day or not, so mom is always up and making sure she doesn’t
impale herself on something, I guess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So somewhere around eleven, I decided it was time to
load the player.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The computer is in the downstairs living room, which
means that anyone and everyone can see what you’re doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So if you’re supposed to be writing a paper,
and need a little social media break, well, good luck with that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">On the bright side, I already had converted most of
my music to MP3s in anticipation of my nonexistent iPhone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it was only a matter of stuffing a cable
into the computer and starting the downloading to my player.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Files started copying, and I started clicking around
the web, bouncing here and there and everywhere I can’t go when someone is
watching over my shoulder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So I thought I was the only one awake when I heard
footsteps upstairs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I closed everything on the screen and checked my
copied files.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d grabbed some tiny
percentage of my music, but having some and not getting busted was better than
having mom or dad come down and asking what I was up to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I pulled the cables and shut down the computer, then
crept over to the stairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I
could still hear some movement, but it seemed to be at the opposite end of the
hall from my bedroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I figured if I could at least get to the top of the
stairs without getting caught, I could always say I had to pee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I went up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I could still hear shuffling, but as I was sneaking
up, step by step, I could mostly only hear my blood rushing in my ears as I
strained to time my ascent to the sounds from upstairs or outside.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I was trying to time everything just so, trying to
make sure I wasn’t wandering into a trap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’d attempted to sneak up the stairs after a late night computer visit
and had gotten busted before, and that was a whole conversation I didn’t feel
like having ever again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Finally, I hit the top step, and looked around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could still hear a faint sound of
something-or-other, but couldn’t figure out what it was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And I was surprised to find that, thanks to an overactive
heart rate and a rising stress level, I really did have to pee now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I touched the door to the bathroom, and it eased
open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And there was Johanna, barfing into the toilet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The shuffling I’d heard was her padding
around, trying to clean up the chocolate-covered vomit that she’d created
before she’d made it to the porcelain collector of all things disgusting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She needed new pajamas and a bath at least, and the
carpets on the floor were going to need to be washed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked a little freaked out, too, and
embarrassed, like she’d been caught doing something bad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Help?” she said, weakly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“No way,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“This is mom’s problem.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
figured it was only fair, since mom had sicced The Great One on me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I turned towards my room and took a step.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Johanna screamed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I turned back towards the bathroom door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could feel angry words in my mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was tired and cranky and there was vomit
everywhere and I had to pee and I didn’t even have a cool iPhone to play with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then it hit me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Literally.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I felt metal smash into my mouth, and heard a loud
whump, like someone was striking a muted gong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I flew backwards, directly towards the stairs, and
went down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to grab at the
bannister, but I was at the center of the stairway and there was nothing to
latch onto.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I could feel myself moving backwards through space,
and tucked my head into my chest, hoping that whatever I hit would have some
give.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then I rammed into the wall, and my head punched a
hole into it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The only light in the house was in the bathroom at the
top of the stairs, and the night light down the hall on the right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both lights flickered, but I couldn’t tell if
it was something to do with the electricity in the house or the blow to my
noggin bone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I tried to sit up, but the pain in my head became
nausea in my stomach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The house around
me rotated twice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I saw my parents’ bedroom door open, and the
silhouette of my mom appeared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her mouth
moved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I realized then that I couldn’t hear anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or rather, I could hear, but it seemed like everything
was far away and very slowly getting closer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My sister was still screaming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My mom said something else, but I couldn’t hear it,
and then she said something else, and I looked up, trying to focus on her face,
trying to read her lips.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But when I looked that way, something was blocking
my view.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was blocking my view.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Krampus was blocking my view.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know how to describe him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d say he was like something out of a horror
movie, but I’ve watched a lot of horror movies, and I can tell where the
zippers are and how the blood is made and…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And none of that will do this thing justice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Because it’s not the big details that matter, it’s
the little ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not that his
entire body is covered in hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the
fact that the hair looks wet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slick,
like it’s covered in some form of slime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Like he came out of a giant birth canal just a minute ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not that there are horns on his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s that they’re ancient, and scarred, and
stained from centuries of existence and being painted in every form of animal
and human bodily fluid. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not the teeth, or even the fangs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the crust of blood between them, around
them, dripping from them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not just the smell, it’s the scent of
never-ending decay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Centuries of rot
free from the amenities of toothpaste and soap.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I tried to raise my body again, and felt the world
swim.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In one hand, Krampus held the washtub, and a giant
sack.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">With the other, he grabbed me by the hair and pulled
me to a standing position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought he
was going to hit me with the washtub again, but instead, he twisted my hair
until I was standing up straight, looking down the remaining stairs to the
hardwood floor below.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Krampus let go, and for a moment I felt only
dizziness and nausea, and not incredible pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then he put his foot on my backside, and shoved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I had gone down the first set of stairs backwards,
unable to do anything to protect myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This time I was flying like Superman, but I could at least throw my arms
up to protect me from shattering my nose or skull.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I wasn’t in the air for more than a second, and when
I hit the ground I felt most of the air go out of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While protecting my head, I’d left my torso
fully exposed to my landing, and I could feel my ribs and breastbone compress my
organs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I couldn’t breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I tried to push myself up onto my hands and
knees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something inside me, my primitive
lizard brain, was telling me to get up and run, but the lack of air in my lungs
and the spinning sensation in my head made it impossible to get my limbs to
operate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I tried to focus all my brainpower on moving my
right arm, just that one limb, pulling myself up and forward, and while I could
see my arm sliding just a tiny bit, I couldn’t really feel it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like operating a car by remote
control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew I was moving it, but
there was no sensation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was a
blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the last time I’d stop
feeling pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I felt the temperature around me shift, and grow
warmer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a microsecond to wonder
what was happening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then Krampus landed on my spine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I had thought all the air in me was gone, but I felt
the last whoosh of it pass my lips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
claws on his toes scraped the scalp on the back of my head, and it was like my
nerves turned back on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Air scraped itself past my throat as I brought air
in, and I tried to scream, and I couldn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Krampus stepped lightly off of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His hand came down, and flipped me over so I
was looking up at his face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why did he
do it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did he want me to see what was
coming?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To increase my terror by a few
more degrees?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ll never know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What I know is, I saw his foot rear back, and then
he was kicking me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There was no rhyme or reason to it that I could
tell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept trying to get my arms and
legs to function, to block or deflect or at least weaken Krampus’ blows, but it
was beyond my abilities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Each strike felt like a punch from a gorilla, or a
kick from a kangaroo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what
Krampus does, and this is what he is good at, and he knew where the softest
parts were.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My hearing continued to return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could hear the wet-meat sounds of Krampus
smashing his foot into my body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could
hear my sister alternately screaming and gasping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could hear my mother yelling into the
phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something about an emergency, and
the police, and an intruder, and to just come, to come, to get here, to get
here now, her son was dying, was being murdered in front of her eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In the same dim, faraway place where my limbs were,
I realized that she meant me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">How long did it go on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt like weeks, but it couldn’t have been
more than a minute or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could hear
a siren somewhere in the din of screaming and yelling and crying, and my dad
trying to comfort Johanna while mom screamed into the phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad said, “It’s okay.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Only it wasn’t okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As the siren pierced the din of my house, Krampus
stopped raining blows on me for a moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then he held up the washtub, and smashed it into my
skull.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Everything went grey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All sound became a loud, piercing whine in my
brain, like microphone feedback.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Krampus dropped the washtub, and let the sack fall
open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He grabbed me by the shirt again,
and pulled me up, and stuffed me in, head-first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I could feel myself sliding in, bending every which
way, could feel the bruises on my body rub against the rough cloth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I heard a door open and felt cold air through the
cloth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The siren sound got louder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started to call for help, with the meager
amount of air in my lungs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then a pressure against my entire body, as Krampus
swung his sack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then pain, as I hit
something rough and unyielding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then darkness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If you watch a thousand movies with magic in them,
the magic is always different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re
born with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or you develop it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or there are books of spells and you can just
read them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or there’s a magical object.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Of course, “magical” is one of those words with a
good reputation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Magic sounds cool, and
fun, and awesome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Until you realize that something like Krampus is
magical.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">That thing, that creature, the one out there
building up his fire, boiling the water in his washtub, watching the sides of
the tub turn bright red from the heat, he’s magical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He got into my house even though there’s an
alarm on the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came here from The
Old Country, which makes him as magical as Santa Claus is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I wonder if this means Santa is real.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The sack he’s got looks like it would fit someone
half my size, but I slid into it like it was no trouble at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And he got us into the mall, without setting off an
alarm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s got a raging fire going, and
the fire alarm isn’t screaming and the sprinklers aren’t doing anything to stop
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And here I am.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When I woke up, I was locked in here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a cage they use to keep the live reindeer
they bring in so Santa’s Workshop looks more authentic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know where that deer is right now,
but his smell never left.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not sure how long I was out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But when I woke up, all I wanted was water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I drank from the deer’s bucket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d worry that I’m going to catch something,
but I don’t see that it’s going to matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Now that Krampus’ water is boiling, he’s pulled out
a dozen axes of various sizes, and he’s sharpening them all, one by one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The ironic thing, the thing that surprised me most,
was that through all of it, the falling, the landing, the beating, I held onto
that stupid MP3 player.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turns out the
hole is a microphone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Press a little
button and it records.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">After I tried yelling and screaming and pushing on
the bars with my aching limbs, I figured I’d at least die with some music in my
ears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which was when I found the button.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s taking a belt and running it along one of the
axes now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Making the edge as sharp as it
can be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s coming this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to the back of the cage now, so he
can’t reach me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe when he unlocks
the door, I can run.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yeah, I’m talking about you, you big stupid
animal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come and get me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Come – <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He can-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He did-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Belt-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Leg-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Tourniquet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s cooking it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boiling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Juices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s coming back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">No.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s coming back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Coming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Be nice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Be nice, kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Be-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Hope you enjoyed the story –
check out my books at:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Amazon:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Joshua-Grover-David-Patterson/e/B005OGX39K/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.amazon.com/Joshua-Grover-David-Patterson/e/B005OGX39K/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Barnes and Noble:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/joshua-grover-david-patterson"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/joshua-grover-david-patterson</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-80369736884960110652014-06-11T23:05:00.002-07:002014-06-11T23:05:50.689-07:00What I'm Watching: Finales Part III
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I confess I feel a little strange addressing some of these
endings almost a month after they aired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But on the other side of the coin, it’s given me some time
to ruminate and for some things to happen, some of which I think are important
to the future of TV as we know it today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So let’s start with the big one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Glee:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m trying to figure out the exact moment I realized that my
enthusiasm for Glee was just plain shot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know part of it came from pulling the 100th episode
collection out of plastic and putting it in the CD player.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show hasn’t done many compilations over
the last few years, and it’s harder and harder to find the recordings on actual
discs now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Any why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they
don’t sell very well now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In their first and second year, they went Gold and Platinum
on a regular basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now they barely chart, and when they do, it’s not for long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This one was touted as kind of a big deal – a full
recording, based on episode 100 and 101, with a few new songs and some fun
re-recordings of some old favorites.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But what did we get from it, really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s harder to gauge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had listened to the whole thing before I
realized that no one singing on it had joined the show after season two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The remake of Loser Like Me nicely
demonstrates that a catchy song can be reworked a bit and still be fun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And we get a fourth version of Don’t Stop Believing, which
despite only minor changes, just isn’t as wonderful as that first version.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To summarize: The soundtrack offered mostly just reminds how
much I used to enjoy the show, and how much my interest has waned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are other issues as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ohio was dropped from the show, post-episode
100, and I thought that perhaps the show would get a shot in the arm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, once again, all characters added
after season two are now a distant memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which is the say, the show was/is desperately trying to dump
nearly two seasons of characters, which they previously (I guess) wanted us to
invest in and care about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So we got to spend time with a bunch of people re-hashing
stories we’ve pretty much already covered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Blaine and Kurt are still together, in some strange on-again/off-again
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They put Sam and Mercedes back
together, even though I can think of exactly zero people who ever got invested
in them the first time around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They put
Brittany and Santana back together, but forgot to put Brittany back on the show
on a regular basis, and never mentioned where she might be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And overall the show became the “Rachel gets everything she
wants and acts totally irresponsible and it’s all okay for her” story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the show had, like, two endings in this season
alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One where the glee club ended,
and one where Sam decides to go back to Ohio because “everyone else is leaving,”
even though only Rachel and Mercedes are leaving, and only temporarily, most
likely.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then the show ended with a happy song, and the club is
over, and… and it felt like a real ending, even though season three felt like a
real ending, and the glee club ending felt like a real ending, and…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there was other weirdness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show has already been renewed for season six, but the
guy who ran Fox said that he was going to have to talk to the folks at Glee
about a shortened season, because Glee actually got beaten by a show on the CW.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On its finale night, the one time everyone is supposed to
check back in with their used-to-be-favorite shows just to see how they wrap
up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Except Fox guy is gone, was either quit or fired, depending
on how you look at it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sooo… what happens now?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s the deal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t envision a show where the ratings on Glee ever
recover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only scenario I can see
that happen is this: They hit the reboot button hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They actually fix all the problems that show
has (weak writing, unmotivated characters, characters changing fundamental
things about how they act within THE SAME SCENE, an overall trend towards
meanness for the sake of being mean, etc.).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They work extra hard to get creative in their arrangements,
instead of offering note-for-not karaoke on far, far too many song choices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mostly, the show needs to be what it used to be about – the
joy that can be found even in the struggles we have to live with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because lately, it has mostly just been about
succeeding and succeeding some more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately, I can’t see next season as anything other
than a write-off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If the show is going to make a comeback, it’s going to need
to improve to a level of Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad – something so good
and so compelling people need to come back on board.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I don’t think the show can really put together a solid
13 (or worse, 6) episode season that will tie off the last few story threads in
a satisfactory manner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Really, the big question is, who is left to even care
about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Santana?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mercedes?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Does anyone really want to know what becomes of Blaine in
the future?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I were running Fox, I’d call it a day on the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only other choice is to drag the
characters together for no real reason to get us involved in stories that are
going to come to an abrupt end just a few episodes down the road.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They might be able to make a 22 episode season that tells a
complete story, and go out well, but I don’t see that happening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I suppose it’s worth mentioning that, yes, this far in,
I’ll be on my couch catching the last few dregs of the show as they work their
way down the drain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes you have to see it through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I suspect I’ll be one of the few.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Agents of SHIELD:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">From the saddest ending to the one that pleased me probably
the most, I guess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because Agents played
a long game and made it work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember Joss Whedon saying years ago that his new series
(I forget whether it was Dollhouse or Firefly) would have seven episodes in a
row, all of which could be a pilot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
I think that’s what happened here, where the show had to make sure EVERYONE was
on board before moving forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that killed them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They had to tie themselves to movie release schedules.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That killed them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And people just expected the show to be great from the word
go, even though pretty much every show, ever, needs some time to really find
its feet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that killed them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then… then they turned it all around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The last episode of the first season was the most Whedon-y
episode I think I’ve seen outside of a full-on Whedon show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It had some great action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had
hilarious conversations taking the air out of the sails of the villain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It even had a delightful bad guy moment in the final seconds
of the episode.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The truth, of course, is that the show is still beholden to
the Marvel universe around it, and that is going to murder their momentum in
the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Will that kill them in the end?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Possibly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I’m hoping that getting the last few episodes out the door and
getting the ratings back up a bit will install a trust in the show folks for
the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think they’ve earned it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Good job, folks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
had fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry everyone else was so
whiny about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Modern Family:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What is there to say about Modern Family at this point, I
wonder?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show powers along, and it spent the year working up to
the marriage of the two gay men on the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They tried to make it funny and poignant, and I think everyone who
wanted that got it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show has gone through five seasons now, and as it moves
on from here it’s going to get harder and harder to be creative, to service the
many characters on the show, and to come up with new and exciting ways to keep
the show moving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet, they can still pull out great moments – like the
impossibly well-oiled Vegas episode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As long as the show can still offer up one or two of those a
season, I’m in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Parks and Recreation:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Parks is coming back for one more season after this, but
much like Glee, I kind of wish that it wouldn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This season was clearly designed to feel like
a conclusion, as everyone found love or otherwise got the happy ending they
deserved, whether by getting married, having babies, or moving on with their
lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Much was made of the fact that the show wasn’t as good as it
used to be, but I disagree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching the
season in the course of a week (as my wife and I always do) revealed the usual
flaws, the jokes that come back a little too often, yes, but more importantly,
the show let all the characters grow up a little, and change, and get to where
they needed to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The thing of it is, the ending was lovely, and now, much
like Glee, the show is supposed to come back for a short season where
everything is different.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When that happens, you get things like the ninth season of
Scrubs, where it’s too different for many folks, who just go ahead and abandon
ship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the rhythms are a little
different, and you have to deal with a new pilot, and just as you get invested…
it’s over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll admit, I want more Parks, because I love Parks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it ended in a good place, and I suspect
that the next year will end with a whimper, not a bang.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-1534488572954196752014-05-22T22:09:00.002-07:002014-05-22T22:09:57.058-07:00What I'm Watching: Finales Part II
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ending things can be tough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A season ending is tricky, because you have to wrap things
up, and maybe leave a little question at the end of the season so that people
will come back next year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then there’s a series ending, which is tougher, because
you have to wrap up everything, but still leave just the smallest little crack
open in the event that everything that comes out next year crashes and burns
and they have to bring you back for another 13 episodes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m still covering beginnings and endings, so here’s part
two of that – which is all endings, this time around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Warehouse 13:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted to start with this show just because, even though
it took a while to get great, it did make it there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then it went back to being good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Here I’m talking about the series as a whole…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think it’s that “good” –ness that prevented the show from
running longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I read that the
final season was going to be a mere six episodes to wrap everything up, no
protests were launched, no write-in campaigns to make it keep going were put
out in the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, we got a quick final season, one that shunted off
Myka’s cancer and said, “Uh, that’s not important,” and tore through Claudia’s
sister story at Mach 5.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And look, we knew this is what we were getting into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So they told it as best they could, but if
we’re being honest, there was NO way to get all the parts and pieces to land
emotionally in six episodes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in the end, they didn’t even have six.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They crammed it into five so they could get
to the finale.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Was that the right choice?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yeah, I think it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another
episode wouldn’t really have helped their case, and it would have brought the
show to a sudden halt with no emotional closure, I think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And even with the sister storyline, they snuck in a couple
of fun side quests to a Ren Faire and a Mexican soap opera, complete with
callbacks to old characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a
chance to hang out with these guys one last time, and for me that made the first
give worthwhile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The struggle of the final episode is, of course, whether to
end things completely, or whether to just end, and say that tomorrow is another
day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And Warehouse 13 split that hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone is told the Warehouse is moving, and
that a new staff will come on when it goes to another country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So they all have to put their defining moment
into a sort of time capsule…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which means they get to sneak a few extra “lost” capers into
the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And have a clips show of a
sort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The thing of it is, they did it all. They even put Pete and
Myka together, which was sweet, though I’m not sure how many people were
clamoring for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And at the end, they’re off to work another case, with the
Warehouse moving “sometime in the future.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t think the final season of Warehouse was perfect,
because it was just a little too truncated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Perhaps ten episodes might have been enough…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the finale tried, and succeeded, at giving everyone
everything they could have wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the very least, I feel okay saying goodbye.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">American Idol:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Word has already come down that next season will fill 37
hours instead of more than 50, that they want to get the same set of judges
back, and that they think the season went all right, and…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I could abandon the show, I would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m guessing my wife will be interested
in what comes next.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me, it was a year of larger and larger
disappointments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once again, two people
I don’t want a record from went head-to-head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nothing against them, I just don’t care about what’s next from them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As for Alex, who I finally decided I was kinda rooting
for?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The day he was cut, I went online
and decided to download all his songs from the season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only I guess he didn’t record a bunch of
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Including a couple I considered
essential.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, meh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even Jena, whose finest performance was almost certainly I
Can’t Help Falling In Love With You?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
hope you didn’t want to hear that again, because you can’t download it
anywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, the best thing I got out of the season was the
knowledge that there’s a musical artist named Mali Music, and that he wrote a
really lovely song called Beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wish his record was out already.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And here’s hoping Alex doesn’t vanish, the way every single
person from last year on Idol did…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Big Bang Theory:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You know what surprises me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Big hasn’t had any real reason to change over the
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reruns of the show often pull in
twice as many viewers as new episodes of shows going up against it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even on cable, in long-ago reruns, it crushes
other competition.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet, they’ve been trying to fix the show just the
same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The characters have moved forward, growing and
changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The character who couldn’t
talk to girls can do so now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sheldon has
made emotional progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
on-again-off-again relationships have all worked themselves into a normalized
on-again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I still think there are probably a few too many nerd jokes,
and simple references, but… you know what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m going to let it go, for no other reason than because I get a few
decent laughs from the show every week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And more importantly, the writers seem to be trying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Credit where credit is due, folks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Supernatural:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So… so the spin-off didn’t happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they killed a main character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now… he’s a demon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Aaaannnnndddd… I’m happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was a big, sprawling season, with some monster of the week stories
and some bigger and badder big bads that got the characters deeper and deeper
into trouble, which doesn’t even seem possible nine seasons in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some people are into this idea, and some people are writing
it off as something that will just revert to the status quo halfway through the
next season, as many of these storylines do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Will it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s an
excellent question, for which I have no real answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just hope the writers do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And after two highly enjoyable seasons, I trust the writers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-61480063128528116852014-05-06T22:44:00.002-07:002014-05-06T22:44:31.004-07:00What I'm Watching: Start and Stop
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As the TV season comes to an end, I find myself pondering
the world of beginnings and endings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
many shows are bowing out now, winking out for the summer in hopes that people
will go outside and see the sun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or just because the people making them need a break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That could be it, as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been thinking that these write-ups are unwieldy
generally, but with the TV season coming to a close, I do want to talk about
what’s on and what’s back and what’s leaving, maybe forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So… let’s talk about what’s gone and what’s back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Community:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A friend of mine once claimed (I can’t remember the reason
we were talking about it) that every TV show, without exception, should end
after five years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since that conversation, I’ve tried to come up with examples
of shows that would prove him wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the truth is that while I can think of really excellent
individual episodes that would go missing from history, I find it hard to think
of full seasons that don’t fit his particular bill.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(In fact, I hate to say it, but even going past season three
can brutalize shows…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To give an example: While I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer,
it weakened in season six and seven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
without those seasons, we never would have gotten that musical… so maybe it’s a
wash?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Community exists in a magical space, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It keeps getting almost-cancelled, only to
come back for another go-round.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the
fans, the true blue among them, anyway, cry out for more, in particular for six
seasons and a movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because… well, if you don’t know, explaining it isn’t going
to help you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And yet, as the show stumbled to the end of season five, I
realized that I was pretty much okay with it ending.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show has produced solid, wonderful,
episodes the likes of which we’ve never seen on another TV show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it’s also produced its fair share of clunkers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And this year, it’s started going back to its
own well and offering up sequels and semi-sequels to earlier episodes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If they had 22 or 24 episodes to create last year, I could
have understood that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to fill
that air time as best you can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But they had 13 half-hours to fill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they didn’t even have to go on the air
until the beginning of 2014.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had
time to craft, to prepare, to mold.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And what we got was mostly reheated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not going to argue that there were no bright spots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lie detector episode was a wonder – a
demonstration of what strong writing and well-loved characters can do stuck in
a room together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the rest of it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure what I can say about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could tell they were working hard to get
their new characters into place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
were trying really hard to get through their character arcs and bring the show
to a real resolution, since this is supposed to be the “last” season.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in the end, I guess they more-or-less managed it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But with such a small number of episodes, it’s become clear
that there aren’t that many more stories to tell, only the same stories in
slightly new ways.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If there’s another season, I’ll watch for those great
episodes that will certainly appear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
the show has gone from new and fresh to just good TV, and if it ends now, I
think it will be better remembered and loved than if it ends one more season
and a movie from now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Warehouse 13:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Warehouse 13 had an interesting time of it last year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a few shorter seasons, last time they
got 20 episodes, and I got the sense that it almost killed them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first half of the season was an absolute beast, raising
the stakes to impossible levels that the show couldn’t possibly top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or so I thought.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And as it turns out, I was right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fate of the world was hanging in the
balance at the end of episode ten, and a few episodes later that was mostly
forgotten, though they tried to leave some lingering effects wandering around
to keep the latter half of the season interesting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The arc of Warehouse 13’s quality, therefore, went a bit
like this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pleasant watchable show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Good show that every once in a while achieves greatness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Appointment watching.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pleasant watchable show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As we were going into season six, it was with the knowledge
that we’re down to the last six episodes, that one character has cancer, and
another just learned about a long-lost sibling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a writer myself, I
spent weeks pondering how they would make that all come together in six
episodes, paying it off and ending the series as well as they possibly could.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And… uh…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I guess they got a little lost in there, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m guessing here, but it seems like they realized that with
twelve or thirteen or twenty episodes, they could handle a lost family member
and cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But with six, there was no
way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So they quickly walked the cancer back to, “Hey, it’s not as
bad as we thought!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The missing sister, however… well, they’re trying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I type this, the season is already half-over and I get
the sense that if this were another year, we’d be six episodes in and the
stories we’re watching would have a stronger emotional resonance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, we’re four in and these stories just don’t have the
necessary time to land.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Truthfully, I’m happy to hang out with these characters some
more, and I think that’s enough for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We got this last season to say goodbye, and so, much like you try to
spend every waking minute with your college buddies before you head off to the
real world, well… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You try to enjoy every second.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even the dull ones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If Community excited me by bringing back its original
showrunner and promising all the old joy would be back, Warehouse offered us
less and, in doing so, has given us a more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A real chance to say goodbye.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Game of Thrones:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Game has already been renewed for two more seasons, which to
my mind is both wonderful and terrible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wonderful because even if something goes horribly wrong, the
writers can cobble together an ending.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Horrible because the end of the line is coming, in so many
terrible ways.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">These are the facts we’re facing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First: It’s time we all owned up to it and admitted that
George RR Martin isn’t going to finish the books on time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard a hilarious, wonderful theory that even now, George
is practically done with the sixth book, and the publisher will slam it
together and get it out by Christmas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">George has put this off too long now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He bought a movie theater, he cobbled
together and edited anthologies, he… I mean really, he did everything BUT write
the books that turned him into a household name, and now it has come to bite
him, and there’s nothing he can do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The series cannot vamp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There can be no prequel years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The kids are aging out of their characters all too quickly, and this is
TV, where if people don’t have contracts they leave shows and don’t come back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actors have to eat, after all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No. We are going to get the TV ending, and then if Martin
lives another ten years, which he probably won’t, we’ll get another book out of
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe even finish the series. But
I’d be shocked if that happens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which brings me to – <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Problem the Second: We’re about to get into the “bad” books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have known fans of the series, and super-fans of the series,
and I have yet to meet even one who really enjoyed the fourth book of the
series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have found some that liked
five.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are a lot of words in those books, but not much in the
way of forward motion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so they will
be slashed and shortened and condensed and if the TV writers are smart, we’ll
get two good seasons out of those books instead of three or four dull ones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Those two seasons are important, because…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Third Issue: If things fall apart, we’ll never get ANY kind
of resolution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thrones is doing well for HBO, but let us be honest – it is
also the most expensive show on television, and even more dangerously, it is a
channel that has been known to cut its losses in the past.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So if these next two seasons are boring, and everyone knows
there isn’t a real ending, just whatever the creators can cobble together from
George’s notes, well…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suffice to say, things might get extremely rough in a hurry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s my fear, really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Two mediocre seasons the ratings go down, the budget gets cut, and the
final two books of material are crammed into ten episodes, with an ending put
together by new showrunners brought in when the old ones ran for the hills,
claiming they didn’t have enough time to finish the story to their liking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which maybe ties back to that five seasons thing I started
talking about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The new season of Thrones is great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are parts people don’t like,
discussions about screwing up characters, but it is an amazing show with a huge
budget and it’s doubtful that something so impressive, expensive, and immersive
ever gets made again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">More to the point, if this boat crashes and burns, welp, why
would anyone put the money again?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They won’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so I sit, and I enjoy this season, and I think about
what is to come, and I cringe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Though maybe if that Christmas thing is true…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-25970349319005499482014-04-14T21:13:00.002-07:002014-04-14T21:13:08.697-07:00American Idol - Who Takes 2014?
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I thought I’d said all I had to say about Idol for the year,
but much to my surprise, a few friends have asked me what I think about
contestants this year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actually, they asked me a few weeks ago, but I’ve been busy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suffice to say, not going much into details, people have
been dropping out about where I thought they deserved to drop out, which is not
a surprise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I guess I saved myself
some typing there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every year I watch the show, that’s what happens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inevitably, what occurs is that the audience
learns a few things shooting out of that opening week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people just aren’t prepared to sing with
band behind them. Some people aren’t ready to sing for THAT many people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They might be excited to see you, but unlike
back home you can’t back the room with family and friends who are going to
declare every second you are on the stage as the greatest thing they’ve ever
seen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a singing competition, yes, but it’s also a fashion
competition, a swagger competition, and a personality competition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And every year, there’s a weird thing that happens where
someone who should be knocked out early just hangs on, and on, and on, and on…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I guess we’ll come to that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I think I mention this every year, and I’ll mention it
again: Going to the bottom three isn’t always a bad thing, because it forces
people into a protection mode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They vote
you up because they don’t want you to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Otherwise they get a little lazy and then you get the
so-called “shocking” eliminations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which, eh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a
game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SOMEONE has to lose.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here’s where I think things are going to shake out, with
my usual caveats: I don’t think America votes the way I want them to vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think someone I don’t really care for
always clings to life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And ultimately,
even if I like the winners, I rarely buy, or even want to hear, their record.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(For the (ahem) record I have so far bought two idol winner
recordings: Phillip Phillips’ first record, which had a few really catchy songs
on it, and the best of Kelly Clarkson which, I learned, still had a lot of
stuff on it I just flat-out didn’t care about.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One final note: I think these things are kind of fluid, and
people will usually go out within one or two slots of where I think they’ll go
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until I get to the end, we get
“shocking” results, and inevitably one of the people I think will drop out in
the middle comes in as a big winner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sam:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The saving of Sam will probably go down in history as the
biggest waste of save of all time, assuming the show runs past this year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I like Sam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seems
like a good guy, and he has a lovely voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And what I don’t really get is how he’s had such an emotion-filled life
(as least from what we’ve seen, where he’s living with her grandparents, I’m
sure there’s a story there…) and yet he can’t connect those emotions to any of
his song choices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The thing of it is, last week they only gave us a bottom
two, which tells me that Sam is still down there, and not long for this
competition.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My running theory is that they saved him simply because the
save choices were running out, and if things shook out badly, they would be
forced to use it (or look cruel if they didn’t) when CJ came up for saving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And speaking of…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">CJ:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Man, does CJ seem like a great human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unlike Sam, his difficulties in life seem to be right out in the open,
and they show up in every scratch in his voice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And man, that voice, it’s filled with… with just
everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect he could spend his
weeks singing about how much he loves bacon, and people would figure that bacon
done broke his heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(He always sounds as if he just came out of a fistfight
where he won, but just got hit in the throat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I say this as a compliment.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But he’s always, always, always out of tune, to the point
where I frequently sense he’s forgotten the song he’s singing and is starting
to panic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The fact is, the guy just doesn’t have the ability to sing,
and stay, on key.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s not a
terrible thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there are better
singers here, and CJ should have been gone a long time ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dexter:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m keeping Dexter low here, but I’m going to be honest: I
think he could take this competition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The judges harp on him, hard, for sounding like every other
singer on country radio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well guys,
guess what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he wins this thing, he’s
going to be just another dude on country radio, singing about his dog and house
and how much he loves his tractor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you can take a guy, stick him in a studio, and create a
record that makes him sound like everyone else, well, the problem isn’t his
voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the songs they stick him
with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So hand him a few songs that
should be hits and watch him fly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But to recap – he’ll either go out here or take the whole
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And either way, I shrug.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jessica:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If Stevie Nicks were to retire tomorrow, Fleetwood Mac
should take Jessica on the road and pretend she’s 70s-era Stevie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sound is just uncanny.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I even think Jessica is a decent songwriter, based on her
one original I’ve heard a couple of times now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What she’s not good with, however, is killing me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s not good with a band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or they aren’t good with her, I dunno.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But every week, it seems like they find a way
to be out of step with each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think all those years as a solo act have just killed her for working with a
band, and for whatever reason she just can’t get into that groove.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When she comes out, plants her feet, and plays the guitar,
there’s wonderful stuff here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
working with other people is just killing her, and I don’t think she can fix
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was really apparent when she sang her original song, and
the arrangement was boring as drying paint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Harry remarked that he thought Jessica forgot to sing a line, but
no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was needed was a little solo
instrument – pedal steel, a violin, something to fill that gap – but Jessica
doesn’t know how to do that, and the band isn’t helping her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It will be her death in this competition.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really want a copy of her solo record, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just can’t figure out how to get my hands on
it…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alex:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You know what? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want Alex to win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Badly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s clear he knows how to write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knows how to arrange.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He can step on the stage and give a
performance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And while Harry, who is usually pretty smart about these
things, complains that Alex never gets out of his coffeehouse vibe, well, he
just did a few weeks ago with his One Direction song.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alex is ready to make a record, and in the event that he
loses, I’ll probably do something I’ve never done before and start downloading
his weekly iTunes songs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Man, I hope he wins.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jena:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Truthfully, I love Jena, and I think it’s for all the right
reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s got a great voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s got a great rock/opera sound that, at
its best, can really work for her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think what might ultimately take her out is song choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She kind of fluffed I Love Rock and Roll this
last week, and I could see her blowing a couple more choices and dropping out
of there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve gotta say, though, I’d love to see her meld the
rock/electronic thing, like Harry was talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see her doing some real damage with
Jane Child-type stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And man, I’ve gotta hail her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The judges’ bottom-three picks to keep the
competition alive for nine more hours a year have always been filler
before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who are mostly there to
desperately cling to life and get themselves into the top then. They aren’t
there to win.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jena is going to come closer than anyone I’ve ever
seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She might even be able to take it
all, if she pushes hard enough and doesn’t drop anymore song choice balls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Caleb:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy’s
voice…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember him just blowing it a couple of years back, and
since he’s returned I keep waiting for the moment he just blows it again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I think screwing it up that first time has changed his
life, and he’s changed it for the better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All of his performances are first rate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are no missed notes, no missed cues,
and he’s taking the joy of having a band behind him all the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seems to know it may never be this good
again for him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s infectious, I must admit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But having heard his song choices, I’ve gotta admit I have
no interest in his record.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wish the man no ill will, and if I’m honest with myself,
he deserves to win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s got the best
voice in the competition, and he seems to want it more than anyone else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I wish him luck when it comes time to sell albums…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-42278387598031560702014-03-25T05:49:00.002-07:002014-03-25T05:49:34.797-07:00What I'm Watching: Here We Are Again
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Note: Yikes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
started writing this over a month ago, figuring it would be a nice, quick,
one-off that I could do to keep the old blog fresh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much for THAT cunning plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feel free to read along and try to determine
where I grafted fresh verbiage onto old verbiage…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s weird, man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Olympics came along, and suddenly you could totally tell
what shows the networks had just plain given up on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was The Olympics vs. Burn Off Theater.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m going to admit I was cool with it, though, as it marks
one of the last times we go to really catch up with the DVR.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heck, we actually caught all the way up with
Revolution, just because it was watch that or watch nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And right now, we’re in one of those delightful fallow
periods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone is either in total
burn-off mode, trying to clear the decks before the last sweeps of the TV
season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or, they’re holding episodes in reserve, trying to take
themselves to the top of the list and grab ALL the money.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In short, we’re going to be playing catch-up this week and
then hope for the best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Walking Dead:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I figured we would be totally in for this one, since it left
on a huge cliff-hanger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But ultimately,
we watched the first episode and then we fell behind for a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t fault the show, it’s kind of icky in spots and my
wife sometimes can’t handle that during dinnertime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fair enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And really, I’m starting to think that the major flaws of
the show aren’t helped by watching it week by week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a slow show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s always been slow, it will probably
always be slow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You know who complains about that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who watch it a week at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The people who DON’T are the folks just now
catching up with it on DVD and Netflix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because if everyone spends an episode wandering around and not getting
anywhere, then they just watch the NEXT one, where they wander around and get
somewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The thing of it is, it’s also slow because it doesn’t pack
in the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t a story
show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no goal but survival.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I suspect that when the show falls apart, it will be in a
big way as people realize that it’s never really going anywhere and abandon it
in droves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so it goes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Meanwhile, hey, the show is back on and the first episode
back gave us a little backstory and a young man eating a large can of pudding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who doesn’t love pudding?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But as the second half of the season has worn on, I think my
wife and I may be all alone in kind of loving this new thing we’re
getting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the last two seasons, all
of our characters have been crammed together, with a lot of people getting
maybe one or two lines per episode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
focus refused to shift, and so the people on the show went from being
characters to being archetypes to, frequently, not even being that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And this back half of the season has finally changed
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve gotten long stories, often
whole or half-episodes, where we hunkered down and said hello to some of these
characters for the first time in a long time… and in some cases, for the first
time ever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure if I’d want the show to carry on this way
forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And truthfully, I think too
many of the established characters survived the destruction of the prison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it’s been a fun walkabout, and I give major credit to
the new showrunner, who looks like he might even keep his job for another
season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A minor miracle on this show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Agents of SHIELD:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So there have been some massively long pauses as they stored
up their episode nuts and prepared to go full-bore on episodes through the end
of the season.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which… isn’t that far away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I mean, really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We’ve got March-April-May and then everything is off the air
and it’s summer programming time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And they’ve just now, in the last few episodes, started to
pull the threads together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The issue is that Agents took a bold step and decided to
play a very long game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They kept
shuffling in elements, creating a rogue’s gallery, and now this relates to that
which relates to this other thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
a gutsy choice that had the unfortunate side effect of murdering the show’s
momentum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Will people come back? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s a good question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think the more important one is, can they hold the line from here on
out?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Breakout shows… they break out early, usually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or they get a surprise boost early on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right now, Agents is sitting at its low and
holding that low, with an occasional spike as they bring in special guests and
promise that, yes, THIS week is going to be big and important.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If they go much lower, well, someone’s pay needs to be cut
at the very least, but it’s more likely they’ll just start folding members of
the team into the upcoming films and call it a failed experiment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still, with sweeps coming, I imagine they plan to go out
big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, they’ll be tied to Captain
America, which I also imagine can’t hurt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Truthfully, I don’t think the show is ever going to be a
huge hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ve bled away a lot of
audience members now, and in their current time slot they’re up against some of
the biggest hitters you can find on another networks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I’ll lay better than even odds it gets at least one more
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s hoping they can come back
strong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>REALLY strong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Supernatural:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Supernatural just go renewed for season 10, and I am so very
happy, since the current showrunner set up his plan to make it there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The ratings, they keep steady, and sometimes they go
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone on board the show seems
happy, healthy and ready to do another year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I’m into the idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With The Vampire Diaries and The Originals, and talk next year of a
spin-off Supernatural show, I could get more than half my weekly programming
from a channel aimed at teenage girls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bring it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Originals:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s funny. I remember when this show was about two vampires
fighting for control of the city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
now it’s… man, I don’t even know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
just kept adding in elements and burning through story just the way Vampire
Diaries started doing, and now…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now they’re getting somewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They drop their first big death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They demonstrated that they can, in fact, put
together a bigger enemy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think my only real disappointment is that they still
haven’t gotten the hybrid baby out into the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like Diaries would have gotten there
already, but they keep holding it back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think it’s a B or a B- show, but it’s getting an A- for
effort. Keep going, guys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Modern Family:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t talk about Modern Family much, but I suspect that’s
because there’s not much to talk about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They find the stories, they write the stories, they tell the stories,
and I show up most weeks and have a good laugh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only thing I’ll note is that, much like The Big Bang
Theory, I feel like they’re really leaning on making sure you see the promo for
next week, this week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I honestly have to ask, who out there is watching the
promo for these shows and wondering if they’re coming back next week?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If anything, I think of it as a deterrent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you turn on the show and start watching,
you’re five minutes in before you think that maybe you’re not enjoying
yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you’ll probably stick it
out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whereas if you watch a promo, and think to yourself, “Who
cares if Phil wants a pet lemur?” you’ve blown it for next week and that viewer
might never come back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The critics aren’t in love with the show, but, frankly, it’s
still a hit, and it’s going to be around for many years to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m totally cool with that, at the
moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">American Idol:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I thought I wouldn’t have much to say about the show, and…
really, I don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They’ve strived this year to categorize people, which is
fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And more to the point, even with
all that hard work, they’ve got what they’ve got, which is some people who can
hack it and some who can’t, and some who will hold on through these next weeks
and learn what it takes to improve their performance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Honestly, there are people on that stage, as there are every
year, who they should really just shove in a recording booth and start
promoting now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These coming weeks will
not help them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They just need to get on
the road and start honing their skills.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there are several people who are about to get hopelessly
lost in the shuffle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just like every year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">BUT.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I gotta mention Harry Connick Jr.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who has made the hilarious choice of actually
judging the singing competition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jen is all smiles and nice work and good try.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keith is all good work and try to
improve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Harry… Harry is deconstructing
the show from the inside.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He’s telling people to stay on key.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s DEMONSTRATING how to stay on key.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s telling them that doing all those runs
are screwing them up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s telling them
that going for the high note is a trap that gets applause but not votes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He dragged out Randy’s “In it to win it!” catchphrase and
slapped Randy in the face with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I dig is that he’s not being mean (except to Randy, I
suppose).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wants to help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it is confusing the performers, who have
been watching for years and have gotten used to being slammed and going, “Whatever,
clown,” or being praised to the hills for showing up and singing mostly on key.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Harry is telling the truth and it is cutting people off at
the knees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s not even afraid to go
after the band of his own show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He shows
up each week knowing that he will be getting booed by the audience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And he’s taking it in stride.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know how Harry will survive the season, and I’ll be
equally shocked if he is asked back, and if he comes back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But man, oh, man, I hope he does, because
watching people get actual critiques is just marvelous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like a singing competition, or something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is one big question, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have thought, at the start of the
season, that season 14 of this show would be a lock. FOX has shoved about 50
hours of its programming into this show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the ratings are not good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re dropping, week by week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while the show should be cheap (reality
shows usually are) everything I’ve been reading has stated that this show
ain’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think the question becomes, do they get much, much cheaper
judges and other talent next year, and pull another year out of it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or do they let it go, before it’s too late?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">An extremely curious conundrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(For the record: There’s too much riding on
the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m about 99% sure it gets
another season with very inexpensive judges.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Revolution:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can see that a few million people are still watching
Revolution, and it gives me hope that if they get to season three Eric Kripke
will do what he did with Supernatural and launch it into the stratosphere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But realistically, the show is still just barely plodding
along now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a lot of wandering, a
lot of subplots and it only kind of works.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The show needs something, and it’s not quite getting
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s hoping there’s a big finish,
because this show needs a boost to survive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As it is, they’re putting other shows in its place right
now, and seeing how the ratings shake out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which I guess means I should get caught up while I can…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Big Bang Theory:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel like I covered this in Modern Family, but what’s with
the promos?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Beyond that, well, this seems to be the year they want to
push everyone forward, and so far it’s really working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show is hit-or-miss, some of the subplots
leave something to be desired, but pound for pound the show keeps finding new
ways to make these people fun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most of the time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The big danger is that, well, they just renewed the show for
a whopping three more seasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure
everyone got a pay bump, and I’m equally sure it wasn’t as big as if they had
signed up for a season-by-season pay raise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the other hand, how rich do you need to be?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Given the numbers the show is still pulling, I think the
question will eventually become a Friends issue – do you quit while you’re
ahead, or keep on taking the money while the money is good?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Glee:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Glee got moved to Tuesdays, where it is currently being
violently murdered every week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They’ve already been renewed for a sixth season, but man, if
I was running FOX, I’d see about how I could go about getting everyone out of
that contract and calling it a day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s been a rough year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But they’re currently in the middle of killing off the Ohio stories and
moving the show to New York.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there’s juuust enough time to let this one die with
grace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps realizing they botched it the first time around,
they tried to say goodbye to Finn again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And they got it closer to right this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Paying tribute to Finn by singing his
favorite songs (which were, clearly, chosen by the 40-something-year-old writers,
but never mind), giving a really solid performance, having them lose.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That was all good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And then Sam came out of nowhere and said he did his best,
and I lost it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Finn’s gave us one of the great moments of the show, when at
the end of season three he put the woman he loved on the road to New York and
said goodbye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would have been a great
end to the show, something I said then and still think now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And here we are back to the goodbyes and we can still make
this work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you make it work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Honestly, you’ve got me there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I think you flash forward a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You give the audience some honesty as most of
the characters flame out of New York, and go home to Ohio to live the life they
were always destined to live.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And maybe if one person makes it… that’s enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s honest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is something the show could use.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Vampire Diaries:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve often said that this show burns through story twice as
fast as anything else on the air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I
type this, they’re really mid-season five, but anywhere else they’d be heading
into season 10.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And season ten shows… they have some wear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d say the show really works about half the time, and the
other half it spins its wheels and pretends it’s momentum because they spin so
fast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, sometimes it’s fun to watch the wheels spin…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Community:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The end of this season of Community is nigh, and frankly, it
looks like it might get yet another season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>NBC is losing shows left and right now, and having something that at
least holds eyeballs might just be enough to keep it around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think the year off did Dan Harmon good, or at the very
least everyone is staying quiet about any last minute production delays or late
scripts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Critics are quick to say the show has been much better under
Harmon, but I’ll be honest and say that I did enjoy last season, which featured
last-minute showrunners coming in to punt for a guy who was fired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along the way they go their schedule shoved
around, one of their cast members imploded, and they still managed to put
together a funny season of TV.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">History will, I hope, treat that year kindly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s been a good season, with ups and downs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I think the real test will be if they get
yet another season, and whether Dan Harmon can hack it without a year to get
tanned, rested and ready.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whose Line Is It Anyway?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, I’m almost at 3000 words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, short and sweet:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Man, I love having these guys around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are hundreds, perhaps thousands of
episodes of this show now, and still they find little ways to surprise each
other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I dig it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-41817681054721122202014-02-03T21:26:00.002-08:002014-02-03T21:26:41.125-08:00Idol 2014: It's... On, and Stuff
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been meaning to write about the new season of American
Idol, not because I want to praise or condemn it, but because I still have a
few friends that watch it and sooner or later they’ll click over here and go,
“Hey, what does that joker think of Idol?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He hasn’t said yet.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The correct answer is that I think of Idol almost not at
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bought the Phillip Phillps record
two years ago, and then last year I bought a Kelly Clarkson compilation because
I’m too forgetful to go on iTunes and remember what songs my wife likes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By the way, the answer is “People Like Us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are a few others that she goes between
liking and tolerating, but even on Kelly’s “best” collection, there are songs
she feels compelled to skip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s…
that’s not really much of a recommendation of an artist, I guess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When it comes down to it, about the only thing I do care
about is the fact that I’m so, so, so sick of every journalist trying to figure
out if this season is going to “save” Idol.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m bothered by this because Idol doesn’t actually need to be
saved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The argument goes, if you haven’t heard it, that the ratings
are down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the truth is, the ratings
are down everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are probably ten, maybe twenty big hits left on the
various networks now, and most of them are bleeding off fans, season by season.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Idol is on season 13 now, and last Thursday, up against The
Big Bang Theory, one of a handful of sure things, Idol had eleven and a half
million viewers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Wednesday, up against weaker competition, the show does
even better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, there are other complications in there, I suppose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The judges are pulling in millions, I’m sure
there are licensing fees, and this, that, and the other thing, but…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I noted last year, we’re talking about 50 hours of
programming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’d have to produce four
sitcoms, or two dramas, to fill the hole if Idol went away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Considering the fact that Fox is now experimenting with
skipping pilot season AND is slowly moving to the cable method of 13 episode
seasons, I am 99.9% sure that Idol will make it to year 14, and roughly 90%
sure it’ll hit year 15.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Heck, I’ll take 75% sure on year 20.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fifty hours of programming is a MASSIVE
amount of programming.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, moving on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With all that said, it’s clear that the producers have been
listening (To me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why not?) and they have been making an effort
to make the entire show suck less.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By this I mean: They got rid of the judges who seem
incapable of judging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>J-Lo seems to have some kind of an issue with
letting people who might be okay go through to Hollywood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess making people happy also makes for
more fun TV, but all of those people are, inevitably, scrap-heaped the minute
they get to Hollywood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It would be much better to have 100 really great auditions
move on than have 220 great-to-meh people move on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Of course, then they might have trouble filling those 50
hours…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the number of terrible auditions has been cut way down,
which saves on most (though not all) of the auditions designed to mock actual
people with feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the judges are also giving really good, honest
advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People aren’t always listening,
granted, but the judges are trying, instead of talking in fake British accents
and pointing and laughing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And as I said on Twitter a few times, I would love to see
Harry Connick Jr. and Ben Folds come together and produce a talk/music
show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What do I think of the talent?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, here’s my final issue with all these types of shows: I
just don’t care about backstory.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was about to type that this wasn’t entirely true, but you
know what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every year we spend HOURS hashing and rehashing the history
of these people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They show film clips
week after week detailing the heartbreaking/interesting folks we’re looking at,
but really, who cares?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s supposed to be a singing competition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know what I want to see?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Singing!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Instead, over the course of two hours, I get at most 2 minutes of 12
songs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s 24 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile, I’m also skipping over 36 minutes
of commercials.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are 12 more
minutes of Coke ads than there are of songs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that’s an at best scenario.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, we haven’t gotten to the performances yet, so
maybe they’ll cut out some of backstory and give us more music.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To follow the narrative of the journalists who follow this
kind of thing, I don’t think there’s any saving of Idol.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t think there’s any way to go back to the big-ratings
heyday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think this next year will find
a few less Idol concerts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I think is possible at this point is maintaining what
they’ve got, which is a hit show that fills 50 hours a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as long as they keep pleasant people in
the seats and keep things fun, Idol will be around for a long time to come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh, and one minor aside: When the singers come in with songs
they wrote?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And those songs are
good?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is NO ONE bringing them down
to the studio, cutting those songs during Hollywood week, and getting them up
on iTunes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every year I hear at least
two originals I really want to own, but can’t and never will because these
people vanish into obscurity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Do these people not like making money?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-30161338114384898862014-02-03T21:02:00.001-08:002014-02-03T21:02:18.605-08:00Brendan Halpin, John Green, And Cancer
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other day, one of my favorite authors, Brendan Halpin,
took a machete to the trailer for The Fault In our Stars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll let you read his comments here:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/k8elg4p"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://tinyurl.com/k8elg4p</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m also going to link you to the trailer itself, which is
here:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/k8elg4p"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://tinyurl.com/k8elg4p</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had wanted to write a response directly to Brandon, and
there are a lot of ways I could have done it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I could have addressed him directly on Facebook, or Tweeted at him, or
even said something on his blog.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But this is actually something I’ve been meaning to talk
about for some time, so I’ll do it here and link at him later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To summarize his position as I see it, The Fault in Our
Stars looks like a movie about two people with magical, non-painful cancer that
teaches them valuable life lessons also about love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To take a quote from Brendan:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It's not pretty. It's not romantic. You do not gain any
beautiful wisdom from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh yeah, and
cancer makes you hideous and wrecks your life before it kills you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Brendan’s wife died of cancer (much of the story is related
in his amazing and heartrending memoir, “It Takes a Worried Man”) and it’s easy
to see where this rage comes from.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, so here I need to back up the train to two different
locations:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The First Location:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last year, I got to watch two very dear friends die of
cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Brendan is not wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Both my friends died bad deaths, and they’ve both left
behind a lot of horrible emotional devastation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are huge holes where those people belong, not just in their
families, not just in their friends, but in their communities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the trailer of the movie, the girl with cancer notes that
she feels like a grenade, but I think this is not a very accurate
description.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching someone die,
especially when they die so much younger than they should, is more like watching
them fall apart and turn into landmines.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You literally never know when you’re going to step on one,
and feel all of the pain of that loss all over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can happen weeks, months, years, decades
after it happens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Second Location:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Two summers ago, I read The Fault in Our Stars, because I
had two students that love to read, and both of them read it and loved it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the time, I had one friend who had cancer, and who I knew
was going to die from it, and I read it anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And here’s my capsule review, with the caveat that I read it
more than a year and a half ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a good book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that right now John Green is the hot thing and
this book is the hot thing, and people are going crazy for it, and I’m juuust
starting to see the backlash as new readers are coming to it who don’t get what
all the fuss is about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is not that backlash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I enjoyed the book enough that I eventually worked my way through all of
John Green’s books, and my review of Fault is pretty much the same review of
all of his books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They’re quirky indie movies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you liked the movie Garden State and/or enjoyed John
Hughes in his teen phase, you will probably like John Green’s work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t mean this as a knock, exactly, but
Green has definitely put himself into a niche of quirky teen fiction, and he appears
to be happy there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But what we’re talking about here isn’t quirk, what we’re
talking about is whether or not “The Fault In Our Stars” is a fair
representation of the horrors of cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which of course means we need to have two more flashbacks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For the first, we need to go back to 1970, with a book and
movie called “Love Story.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The novel was
a huge hit, and the movie was a HUGE hit, to the point where it became part of
the world’s vernacular.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you’ve ever hear the phrase:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s from “Love Story.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other famous line that doesn’t get as much play:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who
died? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved Mozart and Bach? The
Beatles? And me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, so, let’s talk about that movie for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a pretty basic boy-meets-girl
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boy meets girl, boy marries girl
and father cuts him off because she’s beneath him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Girl gets very sick (in the movie they don’t
say why, though Wikipedia tells me that in the novel it’s leukemia) and the
girl dies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Love Story” is a perfect example of what Halpin is talking
about with the “Fault” trailer, as it was absolutely designed to cause “feels,”
and the leukemia itself has nothing to do with reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The “girl” in the equation is supposedly
dying, but appears that she might have perhaps a bad cold.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But that’s the thing – the film was not designed to be a
careful examination of the devastation that can be caused by dying young.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was designed to show that love is powerful
and wonderful and worth it, even if it ends horribly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s called “Love Story,” and not, “Cancer Story,” for a
reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the thing of it is, it worked, as far as catharsis
material went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The producer of the film
tells stories about men bringing women to the movie specifically to cause
“feels” which put them in the mood to do something “life-affirming” later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you know what I mean and I think that you do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One more quick side journey, and then back to “Love Story.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When “Titanic” came out, no one knew that it would be a
massive hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People saw that movie,
which is three hours long, multiple times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When it came out on video, people were buying three copies (someone
researched this): one to keep, one to loan out, and one to give as a gift.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there were stories about how women would actually have
gatherings where they would sit and listen to the soundtrack and cry, as a form
of emotional release.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which… if it works for you, then, great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And this is the spot where I start tying the threads
together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, both “Love Story” and “Titanic” took real-life
situations (terminal disease and Titanic disaster) and used them to, as the
saying goes, cause “feels.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in some ways, there isn’t anything wrong with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, real disaster and real sadness
are hard to wrap your brain around when you don’ have a real-life tie to the
actual event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By making us care for
these characters, in some ways we give people more sympathy and/or empathy for,
respectively, people who lose their loved ones all too soon, and people who
died horribly due to an inconceivable accident.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the other hand…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the case of the Titanic, many actual people died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet, the film asked us to care about two
people who never even really existed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And people were mourning this tragic love story, crying to the
soundtrack, even though actual human beings with family and friends really did
perish.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in the case of “Love Story,” well, it mostly made people
crave an epic love and feel sad that someone died young, which, as Brendan
noted, doesn’t offer up an accurate picture of what something like that looks
like.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It takes a real-life horror and puts it on film, in a
sanitary way that you can mock (because the movie is pretty cornball) and keep
at arm’s length.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And now we’ve bubbled back up to “Stars.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Watching the trailer, I found myself very much in agreement
with Brendan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our two supposedly
cancer-ridden characters, quite frankly, don’t look cancer-ridden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The girl is carrying around an oxygen tube,
but this seems mostly like an inconvenience or a mild affectation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The boy seems ready to star in a show on the
CW.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They have cutesy conversations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They appear to go on zany adventure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They make the beast with two backs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The fact of the matter is, judging by the trailer, Brendan’s
assessment of the material is entirely accurate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes the movie look like it takes a very
serious subject, and gives lip service to the pain and horror it causes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, I’ll give my nutshell thought here, but to dig in a
little deeper, I have to spoil the end of the book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So the short version is, the book does take the topic more
seriously, and is not entirely dishonest about the pain and humiliation and
horror caused by cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To put it delicately, I wouldn’t put this book on the list
of things people should read if they have a friend or family member with
cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think there’s a strong chance
they’ll reject it as unrealistic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But if they make it to the end of the novel, I think they’ll
find that that horror is there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it
should be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s where the book gets into trouble.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, it gives the girl a special drug that’s keeping her
cancer in check, even though she’s in stage four.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(As one of my friends with cancer noted,
there is no stage five.) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s pretty
healthy and vital.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That drug doesn’t exist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It might, one day, and it’s based on a drug that exists, but stage four
is a lot more horrible than portrayed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The book also exists in a fairy-tale world where the folks
who grant wishes for sick kids can foot an impossibly large bill… which is also
not terribly realistic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, what’s interesting is that, in a post-internet world,
we can cut to the tape of John Green discussing why he made these choices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And here, I’m afraid, is where you have to walk away if you
plan to read the book/see the movie with no prior knowledge:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://johngreenbooks.com/questions-about-the-fault-in-our-stars-spoilers/">http://johngreenbooks.com/questions-about-the-fault-in-our-stars-spoilers/<o:p></o:p></a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Up there are answers to those questions, and many more, and
in there is a question not asked by me that refers to the guy as a Manic Pixie
Dream Boy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Which is to say, I probably wasn’t the first person who
thought of that when reading the novel.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And this is where the big “walk away now” line goes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because the big “twist” of the book, if you want to call it that,
is that it’s the boy who ends up dying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He who tried to teach lessons about life, who tried to teach our
protagonist that the journey, nay, that LOVE is what makes the journey
worthwhile?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He dies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the book IS honest, when it gets there, about the
horrors of dying of cancer, which are many and varied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, well, in John Green’s own words (with
editing for language):<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Q. Did you have any second thoughts about the way in which
you described the degeneration of Augustus’s health in his final days?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A. Well, I didn’t want to [lie to] the reader, but I also
didn’t want to be gratuitous about it. I left the worst of it off the page, I
guess, but I don’t really regret that. You might be asking whether I regret
being so explicit, in which case the answer is definitely not. Our literature
has enough novels that glorify suffering as transcendently beautiful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that, nearly 2000 words later, is the answer to the
$64,000 question of whether this story gets at the true awfulness of the cancer
experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The answer is, er…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, and no and yes, isn’t it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, the book is about trying to find meaning and
making connections in life, no matter how short that life might be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In another post about another novel, Green refers to his
books as having “magical realism,” which I guess is a fancy way of saying that
they exist in a heightened reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which is to say, the world of quirky indie movies, where a
guy can be depressed and meet a girl and she can turn his life around, or a
group of people can end up in detention together and realize they’re not so
different from one another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There’s a saying, which I’m going to paraphrase, that the
best answer to a bad book a better book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in this case, one exists, and Brendan Halpin wrote it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That book is called “Forever Changes,” and if you squint
your eyes a bit you can see the similarities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In both cases, it’s about a teen girl who is, ultimately, going to die
from a terminal illness (Cystic fibrosis, in “Changes.”)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in both cases, the question is posed whether it’s worth
trying to really live your life in the face of the end being so frighteningly
close.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I read “Fault,” I spent much of my reading time
comparing the two books, and in the end I think that’s why I rated “Fault” as
just a good book, as opposed to a great one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fault” exists in a world where people have money, get
treatments that don’t exist yet, and everyone learns valuable lessons about
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is, in its own way, about as realistic as “Harry Potter.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But “Forever Changes” exists in a real world where people
react badly to knowing their child is going to die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where love doesn’t conquer all, or even
conquer some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where, when the ugliness
comes at the end, it comes hard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve read “Changes” twice, and I cried both times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For all of the last 15 pages.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did not cry at the end of “The Fault in Our Stars.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And here is where I think I have to split the differences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The fact is, “Fault” is a quirky indie movie book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a deliberate romantic tale that I think
can give you a glimpse into the horrors of terminal illness, but really only a
glimpse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It tells you A truth, but not THE truth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But as I said about “Love Story” and “Titanic,” I think
there can be some value in that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can
see the story, feel about the story, get in touch with that part of you, and
then if you want to you can stick it somewhere in a box never really think
about it again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But in real life, as I said before, there are land mines.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So is Halpin right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s the truth:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Halpin IS right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For better or worse, “Fault” soft-pedals the world of
cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think John Green made that choice, all those choices,
really, deliberately, in order to tell the best story he could.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, if you want to see a cancer story that lays it
all out on the table, you should go find yourself a copy of “Wit.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you want to read a book that shows those first few land
mines going off, I highly recommend Halpin’s “Forever Changes.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(His memoir, “It Takes a Worried Man” treads
this territory as well.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Green did not write the teen version of “Love Story.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he also made a deliberate choice to not
write the teen version of, “Wit.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He wrote a good book that, I think, falls somewhere between
the two.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But it did soft-pedal, and I suspect the movie will do even
more so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, watching people die of cancer changes you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if “Fault” is something that I
could handle now, but I don’t know if it would make me feel sad or just angry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do know that I can never watch “Wit” again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not that I really felt I would be able to
handle it before my friends passed away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, what I’m saying here is, John Green got cancer
wrong in his cancer book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did it
deliberately, and if I understand him, he did it not to soft-pedal cancer (even
though he did) but in an attempt to talk about broader themes, and the value of
love and connections.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For some people, this pulling back is going to be a trigger,
and it’s understandable and even a correct reaction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the end, I’m not sure that John Green is the issue – it’s
all the people feeling feels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Books,
movies, songs, yes, these are things that give you feels.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But cancer just causes devastation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-30290036618325464502014-01-04T08:36:00.004-08:002014-01-04T08:36:20.556-08:00Why I Haven't Been Writing
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Patrick Rothfuss nailed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe this is why he’s a New York Times bestseller.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He compared writing to working in a garden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you do it for the joy of doing it, it’s a
wonderful thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You go out in the dirt,
you get some sun, and at the end of it all, maybe you get some really good
vegetables or fruits.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the input almost never equals the output.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Overall, you’d be better off putting in a few
extra hours at work, then buying those fruits or vegetables at a store.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But you can’t think that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You must write (or garden) for the joy of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If your world flip-flops, you’re in trouble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have demands of your garden, where it
must feed your family for a month, or a season, or a year, and something goes
wrong, or it just doesn’t come together, or you have bad seeds, or any other
number of things, well, then it wasn’t fun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then you’re hungry and tired and you did all that work and
all you got were a few tomatoes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And maybe the year before, you got those tomatoes and it was
a bonus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You had fun and you got
tomatoes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But this year, you were planning on those tomatoes, plus more
tomatoes, and now they aren’t there, and you’re panicking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That is, pretty much exactly, what it means when you start
to think about being a working writer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had a friend who was diagnosed with cancer a couple of
years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are levels of cancer, I’ve learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are mouse trap cancers, where you might
get hurt but they rarely do major damage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are bear trap cancers, which will do a lot of damage to you, but
you can still escape most of the time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there are avalanche cancers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ones that roll down the hill and crush
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On rare occasions, someone gets
away, but most people just hope to slow the roll a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They know the rocks are coming, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the rocks will win.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend was a fantasy reader.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A big George RR Martin fan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my friend got cancer, they joked that
they were going to call George and ask how the Song of Ice and Fire (which we
now all think of as Game of Thrones) ended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They knew they wouldn’t live to see the end of the series.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t think a call was ever made.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend was also a fan of Patrick Rothfuss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Driving to chemotherapy, sitting around after
treatments, not able to do anything but watch TV if the concentration wasn’t
there and read<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>books if the
concentration was there, my friend read through the first two parts of the
Rothfuss trilogy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They were hoping that Patrick would get the final novel out
before they died, but I pay close enough attention to the series I follow that
I knew it would never happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hunted around online for Patrick’s email address.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wanted to drop him a note, and say,
“Hey, I met you at a book festival and you were really nice and my friend is
dying of cancer and how does your trilogy end?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I swear I won’t read it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just
want my friend to know.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t do it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not long after I went hunting for that email address,
Patrick posted a blog about how behind he was in his correspondence. It was
hundreds of emails.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(George RR Martin said he was something like 3000 emails
behind a few months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So even if my
friend sent him an email, it’s likely sitting there, unread.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I guess it’s just as well that I didn’t email Patrick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I imagine he’d finally be reading the email
about now, debating what to say, wondering if he should even answer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend passed away months ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I started reading the Martin books right after seeing the
first season of Game of Thrones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
a great show, to be sure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I dove into the first book, and it took me almost three
years to get through it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read dozens
of other books in the meantime, never getting back to that first one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I finally finished it this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I finished I turned to my wife, sitting
nearby, and said, “I don’t think I’m smart enough to read these.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Martin books are dense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are probably more than 100 major characters, and when you read
interviews with Martin is obvious that even minor characters in the novels,
ones who appear in a handful of scenes, are (or can be, or will be) important.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And there may be a 1000 of them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When my friend got to the last few weeks, when the pain was
winning and there was more sleeping than waking, I started thinking about
reading the rest of the Martin books, not for me, but for my friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would read them, and then go to my friend’s
grave and talk about what happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only problem there is, I would probably get the
information, or much of it, wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend was smart enough to follow the books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To talk about the minor characters, who got
maybe a scene or two in the early going, somewhere in book one, who might come
back two books from now and finish their character arc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would never remember all those people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I said, I’m not smart enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I haven’t started that second book yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure I want to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When Robert Jordan came to the end of his life, he and his
family picked an author to finish up his Wheel of Time series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He provided copious notes, a partially
finished manuscript, and if I remember correctly, he walked his successor
through the final plot of what was supposed to be the “last” book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The last book, as it turned out, had to be three books to
tie up all the loose ends Jordan left lying around, like so much plot flotsam.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t envy the guy who took the job at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not even a little bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose he got to be on the New York Times
bestseller list a few times, and that was probably nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But really, it wasn’t his name bringing in
the sales.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was all those people looking for a scratch for their
itch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the entire time, he had to know, if he missed even one
little detail, the fans would be up in arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Things that Jordon himself probably would have blown past or declared
unimportant, the new guy wasn’t allowed to miss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And even those people who finally got all their answers,
somewhere in their brains, they know that this couldn’t possibly be everything
that Jordan intended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something,
somewhere, was changed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend put a message on Facebook a few months before the
end, saying not to send emails or Facebook messages anymore, because they probably
wouldn’t get read.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A week before that, I offered to start writing a new Blood
Calling book, and to send it in chunks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My friend could be the first reader.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend loved those books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Compared them to The Hunger Games, which was an extremely generous
compliment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I thought it might be fun, providing these bits of happiness
in bite-sized pieces, every few days, while the sand ran out of the
hourglass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started writing, wanting to
get a jump on the story so I could share it with my friend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I never got an answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know if it was lack of interest, or if the message never got to
my friend, or if they didn’t want to start another story that would never be
finished in their lifetime. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I once heard a joke that if Robert Rodriguez had been
writing and directing the Harry Potter movies, the last two books would have
been adaptations of the movies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seeing as how only one person (that being the actor who
played him) knew whether Snape was good or bad up until the final book was
released, you’ve got to wonder if the book and the movie might have ended
differently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then there’s the curious case of the V, the original TV
miniseries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The creator wanted to do a
new series each year, updating the world on what happened to the various
characters, one year after another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Only he got kicked off the project.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The second series, labeled The Final Battle,
was not the final battle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They made a TV
series out of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That got cancelled, so
there was no ending.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had read that the
comics gave a final resolution to the series, but I guess that’s faulty
memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A quick check on Wikipedia says
that the last issue was the second part of a flashback story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Though another article says that the
visitors decided to leave in an earlier comic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This might be the ending I’m thinking of.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Later, the creator of the show wrote and released a novel
that gave a “true” ending, ignoring everything else he didn’t write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So you could pick your ending.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The comics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The miniseries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The novel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">George RR Martin is 65, and it’s taking him longer and
longer to finish each novel in his series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He used to post his progress, but that led to too much hope and letdown
in his fans.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a few months, the fourth season of Game of Thrones will
air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A season comes out once every year,
and the show’s creators have said they’ll probably have to wrap it up by season
seven.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Martin told them the end of the story, more or less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every once in a while he makes noises about
finding ways to slow down the series, to have a season come out every two years
instead of every one, but the show is filled with children who are all aging at
a rapid clip onscreen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">TV is relentless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
can write a sequel novel 20 years after the original and everyone can be the
same age.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">TV simply can’t work that way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The fifth Thrones book came out in 2011.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Six years from then is 2017.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Six years from then is 2023.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Martin will be 75.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If he makes it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Martin has said there are no notes, there is no backup plan
if he passes away with the books unfinished.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A theory: Martin is waiting to die, knowing that even if he
finishes the books, they will never live up to the hype they’ve garnered up to
this point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">People will get their ending on the show, and that, he has
probably concluded, is good enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
pressure is off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And if he dies, his publisher probably won’t come after him
for his advance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, they’ll take
whatever pages are in existence, publish them as-is, and get someone to
novelize the last season or two of the show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Assuming there’s a call for it in a decade.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knew that
so many people wanted to know how V was really supposed to end that the creator
would be able to novelize the “true” ending?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve barely written anything this year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One short story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the fate of that
story is unknown.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s the garden metaphor again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I was writing screenplays just to write them, it was
fun for a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then I started making money, and writing them without the
money component felt… wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actually, it wasn’t even the money component.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was happy to write something that, when I
was done, was going to be produced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
screenplay that hasn’t been shot is just paper and words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one wants to read it, even if you put it
in book format.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve done some treatment writing since I abandoned
screenplays, and yet, every time I put something together, I just can’t get
excited enough to type fade in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know I’m going to lose days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Probably months to the writing process.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And when it’s all done, and I’ve pressed print, and given to
someone, it’s going to sit there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just
so much paper.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Short stories?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Novels?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can write the short stories, but creating just to create,
I feel the time slipping away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth
is, I don’t really know the markets for short stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read them sometimes, but in collections,
and mostly just from authors I know and like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Harlan Ellison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neil Gaiman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stephen King.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you don’t know the markets, it’s hard to sell to the
markets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years ago, you could sell
short stories on the Kindle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not unless you’re writing about women and dinosaurs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am very much not kidding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And barely poked at my novels, because…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
had none.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had two major deaths and a
family medical crisis and a full time job that brought in actual constant
money, which I needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I could barely write because I was sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And stressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And those tiny little pockets of time I would find to write dried up
like worms in the sun after a rainstorm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s not a writer’s block.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a sad block.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I look at the time it takes to write a novel, and I think I
want to spend more time with my family, and friends, because the novel will be
there tomorrow, but they might not be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And you might recall the old saying that no one, on their
deathbed, says they wished that they spent more time at work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that’s it, really.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I look at my books, I know what they bring in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know some of them sell well, and some sell
poorly, and I know the time that I put into them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That time was fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But this last year, as I actually did the thing in the poem and raged
against the dying of the light, and also parts of the medical community, I knew
the handful of cash I could gain from the hundreds of hours spent at the
keyboard wasn’t enough to justify the typing time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s why I blogged about things pointless and stupid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were easy, they rarely required focus,
and when I was done, well, who was going to argue with me about the plot of The
Vampire Diaries?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been wanting to get back to it, saying I’ll get back to
it, for a while now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Will I?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think I will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realized today that last month was probably the first time
in a long time that I didn’t feel like I had a crisis in the works every single
moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My family was safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And if I can keep that feeling, can actually let my brain
uncurl and stretch and feel like making the garden is fun again, well, we’ll
see what comes out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We’ll see.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8966603611896570261.post-58203945852460406442014-01-04T08:34:00.001-08:002014-01-04T08:34:45.820-08:00Degrassi Season 12 - Wonderful As Ever
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel like I write this essay every year, and every year I
just want to write it again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Man alive, I love Degrassi so much.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I skip the intro to this show from time to time, but this
essay I should probably do it again, because, well, I DO get new readers with
reasonable frequency.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here it is:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No, I was not a fan of the show as a kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was actually only barely aware of it, as I
read one novel based on the series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(Looking at Amazon, it appears the book in question was Exit Stage
Left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have zero memories of the plot.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I became curious when I read a write-up by Kevin Smith,
talking about how much he enjoyed the show when he was working at the store
where we would eventually shoot Clerks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I became even more curious when the DVDs of the show started coming out
and I read a handful of reviews citing the show as being truly wonderful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So when I found the first season at the library, my
curiosity got to the best of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Convincing my wife to watch it at was hard at first, but
after the first episode, it got very easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In contrast to every TV show we grew up watching, these kids weren’t all
pretty teens with well-off parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
cast was ethnically diverse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
problems, ranging from underwear to cancer, were all handled with a just-right
amount of discussion and proportion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a great discussion show for my wife and I.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would you do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What did you do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What happens if our child does this?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the show ended at the just the right time, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Five years in, they had run through most of
the issues that could be discussed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
then… the closing TV movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look, it was grim. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not in a bad way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Quite the contrary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the final
episode of the series itself ended with a measure of grace and hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t a happy ending, really, but it said
that there could be a happy ending.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the TV movie said that things change, sometimes for the
better, but often for the worse, and often in a big way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a pretty vicious ending, but an honest
one that I respected and even kind of loved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, by the time we finished that series, Degrassi:
The Next Generation was already in full swing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I enticed my wife to watch it at least in part because I had
heard that a lot of the original cast was still on the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Far from just a teen sitcom/drama, the show
had taken a page from shows like My So-Called Life and invested both the adults
and the kids with their own plotlines.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We. Were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It feels weird to talk about that first season now, mostly
because the other night I realized that the show (now just called Degrassi) has
so few ties to that show now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When TNG began, adults from the old show appeared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New adults had plotlines of their own that
often only bounced off the kid plotlines at little angles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cast was, much like the original series,
huge, with people getting their own plots every four or five episodes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was an issues show. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a character show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a show about kids and their parents
and how both of those things are difficult.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And it was, at the time, unlike everything else on TV.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They’re into season 13 how, while my wife and I are wrapping
up season 12.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And honestly, after a few
seasons where you could tell the writers were trying really hard to come up
with new spins on old ideas, this season has been pretty stellar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The best shows can take a bad character and redeem them, but
it’s a tough trick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Degrassi has done is
a dozen times, taking characters with insurmountable flaws and building on them
until you realize why they are who they are, and that they made mistakes, and
that they are willing to change and grow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This season has been particularly impressive to me because
there’s been an odd underlying theme that I’m not sure was intended: Sometimes,
bad things happen, it is NOT your fault, and there is little or nothing you can
do to fix it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Degrassi has never shied away from the mistakes the
characters have made, and the true brilliance of the show has been that even
mistakes that were long covered over or forgotten can come back to haunt you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This season, though, things have occurred that can’t be
fixed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One character’s alcoholic father was released
from prison, and became a danger to him and his mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So they had to move.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In truth, someone probably just wanted the character off the
show, but the reality is that bad things happen and sometimes if you’re not the
cause of the problem, you have to escape any way you can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One character’s dad was hit with early-onset dementia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there was nothing TO
DO.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And this was on a show for kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kids who, honestly, need to know that
sometimes life will do horrible things to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the original Degrassi series, a character committed
suicide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was set up, carefully and
well, and when it happened it was probably one of the best plotlines of the
entire series.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And now, Degrassi was doing it again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I figured that the original couldn’t be
topped…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But you know what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They might have managed it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Again, and I know I already said it, but actions have
consequences on this show, and often the consequences are long-ranging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here, a series of people blame themselves for the death of
their classmate, and the way they handle it isn’t confined to a single
episode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s smeared messily across the
show, one person after another expressing their grief, fear, and loss in
horrible and often surprising ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a year of my own life where I’ve seen a lot of grief and
loss, and observed the many ways it can be handled, so many of those reactions
rang true.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in a year of bleah musical numbers on Glee, a bunch of
fresh songs, covers, and even a terribly sung version of I Can’t Help Falling
in Love With You and I’ve Had the Time of My Life bested every musical number
I’ve heard on Glee this year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s the long and short of it, really.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Degrassi has accomplished so much, and part of that
accomplishment, I think, is that it does things other shows should do better,
but don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other accomplishment has been as it slowly pulled off so
many things that shouldn’t have worked, but did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, it rolled through more than 300 episodes without ever
taking an extended vacation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Add in all
the original series, and Degrassi has more than 400 episodes to its name.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As the years have zipped on, it’s cycled through a ton of
cast members.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite literally one
character remains on the show from the first episode of the new series – and he
was also in Degrassi Junior High.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Another thing that kind of blew my mind the more I thought
about it was how many different types of shows the show has been.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Imagine, if you will, that The Big Bang Theory started as a
sitcom, then shifted to a drama, then added a bunch of new cast members to the
show, and then got rid of the old cast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The newest version of Degrassi started as a parent/child
show, not unlike My So-Called Life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then
it slowly dropped out the adults from the “classic” show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It went from being about kids in high school
to being about kids in high school and college.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It got rid of the college kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It started adding in semi-regular TV movies,
some of them an hour long and some of them two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It went to a telenovella style, pumping out four episodes a
week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It went from putting out 15 episodes a year to 40 with no
real drop in quality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a soap opera.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was a drama.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a
lesson-of-the-episode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a comedy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was a middle school show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And a high school show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a
college show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a life outside of all
of those things show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Though now it’s
basically a high school show all the time.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was always, always, always progressive, and pushing for
social justice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it doesn’t shy away
from multiple sides of every issue, and what it means for the people involved,
and what the fallout might be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not bad for a series that originated out of a 30 minute
after-school special from Canada.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve questioned over the years how long the show could
possibly run, but most of those questions had to do with the fact that the show
tried to cling to their original cast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But now those cast members are all gone, though not forgotten, and it’s
clear that the show can survive as long as the people and the stories remain
interesting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can it run forever?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That I’m not sure about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
thirteenth season is on the air now, and I’ve read that casting for season
fourteen has begun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as the years
roll out, there’s less and less chance that new people will pick up on the
series, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A favorite character
will leave, and some people will drop out, and no one new will show up to pick
up that slack.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s just a matter of time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When that time comes, I hope they capstone the series
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Snake (or Archie, or Principal
Simpson, however you think of him) can drop yet another f-bomb on Canadian
television.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe they can burn the
school down again, or maybe…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know, maybe this time they can come to a semi-happy
ending?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Personally, I’d love for the show to go out on that same
note of uncertainty that it did the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s the Degrassi way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Joshua Grover-David Pattersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11791397639978426181noreply@blogger.com0